‘Partner’ rather than ‘Boyfriend’

[woodlandwonder1]

I have been with my man for over 15 years.

For the last 10 years I have always referred to him as my ‘partner’ rather than ‘boyfriend’ as I find saying boyfriend makes me feel like I’m in a high school relationship!

Someone I work with recently were surprised to learn we are not married as ‘I always referred to him as my partner - not boyfriend’!

Now I’m curious to know - Am I alone here?!

I think I'm in the minority in that I cannot stand thr word "partner". Don't know why but I just feel it's too contrived and performative as a word choice to describe a boyfriend.

That being said I wouldn't get hung up or comment on about what someone chooses to call their boyfriend or girlfriend, like you colleague. That's even more weird.

If a woman said partner in a family context, I would assume long term/serious boyfriend, new boyfriend (yes some refer to partner within a month of dating!), same sex relationship, or husband because I have heard a married woman refer to her husband as partner.

I view all the terms as declarations of varying commitment regardless of age.

Dating = exactly that, may also be dating others
Seeing = probably dating only each other with expectations of seeing each other for the next few weeks or more
Boyfriend = dating and shagging only each other will inform of Christmas or holiday plans and think about doing them together
Partner = expectation of spending holidays etc together unless otherwise agreed. Finances discussed if not necessarily shared. Probably living together or plans to do so once separate kids have grown.
Husband = legally bound however you want the finer points to be

For instance I wouldn't put a boyfriend down as next of kin but I might, possibly for a partner. Probably.

I have been with my partner a similar amount of time and we have a child together. I also avoid boyfriend as it sounds either very teenage or like a more casual relationship to me. Prob just the way I use language, combined with the way my employer does (eg we get certain benefits for 'partners' or spouses). I'm a bit confused by your colleagues reaction-surely if you were married you would say 'husband' not -partner'. If you were using partner I would assume you were in a long term relationship (with either sex) and not married.

I agree however if a couple have been together 30 years and have children and property together I think boyfriend is the wrong term. They're de facto married, so partner.

Partner is more a long term relationship, which yours is. Someone at work calls her new boyfriend (on / off) her partner, he doesn’t live with her, and I want to say it’s boyfriend! But maybe she feels odd saying boyfriend when she’s mid 40’s. Your colleague is wrong, as you’d say husband if you were married, partner is when you’re not married.

I always used to say partner for this reason then went back to boyfriend as lots of people told me partner is used by gay couples 🤷‍♀️

I say partner and we’ve been married for some time.

We only got married to sort out a different legal issue and had been together over 25 years as (unmarried) partners. It felt weird to change it just because we’d had to do some paperwork.

I have been assumed gay or married when I said partner about mine.

I'm gay. Unsure how relevant that is.

I use 'partner' even if we're not 'partners' in the traditional sense perhaps don't live together or such.

I do alternate it with girlfriend though, depending on context and environment.

It just sometimes feels a bit silly saying 'girlfriend' when I'm 40-odd. We're not 'girls'.

100% this. I hated partner as I think people might have thought I was gay when I said it.

I feel ‘partner’ is a also a naff attempt to make a relationship sound more grown up. My husband was my boyfriend for 9 years, I always referred to him as that. Partner…no!

Why does it matter what assumptions people make about your sexuality? That’s their issue, not yours.

Sounds a rather homophobic thing to be concerned about. Unless you’re hoping to shag them, someone’s sexuality is nothing to do with you.

Why would you be so bothered people might think you're gay? What's so horrifying about it?

I've always used partner for more serious relationships. Couldn't care what assumptions people make about my sexuality tbh.

When I hear the term partner I assume whoever is saying it is trying to make their relationship sound more official than it is. They're your boyfriend/girlfriend unless you're actively planning a wedding in which case they are your fiancée.

Nope, me and DP say partner. Boyfriend / Girlfriend sounds a bit daft when you're in your 40s and have been together 20 years.

I have had a few people assume it was a gay relationship though.

Partner here. We are married now and it's stuck

Like previous posters, I find it really helpful to have a gender neutral term that's not immediately outing, so am pleased it's become more popular in wide spread use

Also agree that boyfriend girlfriend makes me feel 15

I think when you’re over about 30 the word partner is more apt. A 50 year old calling her 60 year old partner her boyfriend makes me cringe. It’s like grow up and stop using terms kids and young adults use

I say partner or husband, I feel too old to have a ‘boy’ friend and man friend sounds weird lol

You are using the term in a very normal way. Most people I know use boyfriend/ girlfriend for something casual or new, and then graduate to partner when they move in together.

I’m in my 30s and call my partner my partner. Technically he would be my boyfriend but that term is for your 20s and high school. He is my partner and will eventually be husband .

I've had a boyfriend for 30+ years. Not married and have no intention of calling him my partner which sounds transactional.

Really dislike partner: it could mean anything from husband/wife to boyfriend/girlfriend to business relationship.

I have noticed some people at work who I know are married (to an opposite sex spouse) using 'partner' - this is on the intranet so a semi formal/semi public forum and I think it is aimed at being inclusive. I suppose technically they 'should' say 'spouse' but obviously that sounds a bit weird

If someone introduced me to or referred to their ‘partner’ I would assume a long term committed relationship but not a spouse. If they were married I would expect them to say husband/wife.

I agree with you, OP—I wouldn’t assume that a partner is a spouse.

Having said that, it does throw me off when someone who’s been on one or two dates with someone calls them their “partner”. Or when an adult refers to their 16yo’s BF/GF as “my teen DC’s partner”.