Feel like I have been betrayed.

[Starchild55]

I found out on my partner's phone he had a secret Facebook account. Where he was messaging men pretending to be me , sending them private photos of me and awful sexually very violent and graphic messages between other men . He was also looking up gay clubs. When confronted he says he was sexually frustrated because I'm going through the menopause. I'm gutted, so hurt by it .I feel he has been cheating on me but he's says that's not true he messaged men because if he messaged women then it would be. It's awful behaviour and I feel so let down by him .

That IS betrayal- it’s also disgusting awful behaviour! I’m so sorry he’s done this.

if he’s shared sexual images of you online and invited men to engage in violent sexual discussions he’s put you at risk, I’d be going to the police.

he’s frustrated - ffs having a wank is how you deal with that not THIS!

you deserve better

He is breaking the law. He can’t send pictures of you of a sexual nature without your consent.

he is also a liar and a deviant. Personally I would be calling the police and letting them explain to him the enormity of the situation

Call the police!!!

And screenshot everything!

His behaviour is totally unacceptable. Please don't try make peace with it.

Call the police and get rid of him. This is beyond disgusting. What's next - he drugs you and invites these men over?
Isn't this how it started with Gisèle Pélicot?

I had an ex years ago share a video of me in a sexual act with him which he promised me he had deleted after our break up.

he showed this to people in the local pub, send it to my current partner. Anyone who would watch it, all because I didn’t want to be with him.

we went to court and he was placed on the sex offender register this is a very serious matter please don’t accept this

I would be terrified if someone did this to me. It's mental behaviour. A 'frustrated' man would have a wank, maybe watch some porn. What your partner has done is bizarre, illegal and unforgivable.

It doesn't matter if he or you class it as cheating, it's absolutely batshit and unacceptable.

What if one of those men saw you out and about?

He could be well have been planning to bring these men to your home.

Police and divorce.

sending them private photos of me

just no.

Him being sexually frustrated and messaging other people, and going into cheating territories would be a completely different thing.

messaging men pretending to be me , sending them private photos of me and awful sexually very violent and graphic messages between other men

You need to run - and contact the police, in whichever order.

Read about Gisele Pelicot.

Christ this is awful - as is the implication that you might be staying with him after this? Don’t listen to his self-serving lies and manipulation. You know this is untenable. How dare he try to make out that it’s okay in any way, shape or form.

What a wrongun,you should be booting his pathetic arse out the door.

and do not, under any circumstances, think for a minute any of this is your fault. Do not think, for even a second, that you are responsible for breaking the relationship, that you are the one rocking the boat or whatever nonsense.

It's ON HIM. It's not even betrayal, it's assault? Someone with more legal knowledge will have a better definition.

HE started the unacceptable. He broke your relationship.

A 15 year old would go into all kind of troubles for sharing pics of his girlfriend. An adult man? Hell no, that's just no.

I’d be contacting the police.

You really need to call the police now

He really is using that excuse for this disgusting behaviour I'm lost for words

All of this - please don’t accept his blame - you are entitled to not want sex - he’s not entitled to do any of this

local rape crisis services would be worth contacting when you are ready to talk it through

he’s a disgrace

He’s gay and gaslighting you. Blaming you for going through the menopause. Have a wank instead. Utterly gross what he’s done. Suggest you dump this pervert and tell everyone what he has done.

If ever there were grounds for divorce, this is it. You poor thing. I hope you get the support and have the strength you need to get this cretin out of your bed and life.

Also agree. What he’s done may be considered revenge porn. Call the po po.

www.cps.gov.uk/cps/news/illegal-sexual-behaviour-online-including-sharing-and-threatening-share-intimate-images

I don’t think they are married which is even better for OP

This is a police matter. He has shared intimate photos of you without consent. You need to call them and ask him to leave IMMEDIATELY.

he says he was sexually frustrated because I'm going through the menopause

Please do not let him manipulate or guilt you into believing you are responsible in anyway for his abhorrent actions. What he has done is absolutely vile and very illegal.

He doesn't deserve an ounce of sympathy, and the way he actually tried to turn his behaviour back on you is disgusting.

You must be terrified!!
He is a sexual deviant and I bet this is not the first time he has done this to you or a previous partner.
THIS IS ABUSE please go to the police,
he maybe already known to them.
Please get support and get away from this man.

Thank you so much for all your support and advice. I'm absolutely gutted beyond belief. I feel totally shattered, my heart has been ripped out. My self confidence is in the floor.