Feel like I have been betrayed.

[Starchild55]

I found out on my partner's phone he had a secret Facebook account. Where he was messaging men pretending to be me , sending them private photos of me and awful sexually very violent and graphic messages between other men . He was also looking up gay clubs. When confronted he says he was sexually frustrated because I'm going through the menopause. I'm gutted, so hurt by it .I feel he has been cheating on me but he's says that's not true he messaged men because if he messaged women then it would be. It's awful behaviour and I feel so let down by him .

This . I cannot believe how awful his behaviour has been . Blaming his deviancy on your menopause is just the pits .

This isn't the behaviour of a man who just wishes his wife would have more sex with him.

The world is full of them and this is not how the vast majority of them behave.

Report him to the Police. He is not allowed to use your photos like this.

Why haven't you taken the evidence of his criminal activity to the Police????

I'm not here to be judged please I have only asked for help and advice please be kind

Oh my goodness oP. This is more than betrayal. Those were images of you.

I’m so very sorry.

I’m sorry: I shouldn’t be finding any posts on a thread of this seriousness funny, but this post did make me laugh!

Op you don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do, but please protect yourself - which I cannot see being possible around this man.

I hope you dumped him.

People are giving you advice, to go to the police. No judgment just worry for your safety.

No it's not funny I'm glad you had a laugh at it . Let's hope your never put in this position. Sending love to you .

Yes truly op: it will only be total concern for you coming at you. This is really outlying behaviour and you are probably so hurt by it you can’t see it in the cold light of day.

No judgment but please do try to get help irl as well.

Nothing about your situation is remotely funny oP. It was just the way that poster worded their comment about the world being full of men who want more sex from their wives.

But your situation is not at all funny and please stay here for support through this - and ideally get it in real life. I totally understand the police feels a sudden big jump right now; but is there someone you can go to and tell?

Also op, just so you can bear this in mind, it’s really normal when put in these situations to feel shame about what you have been put through. Know absolutely that this does not reflect on you in the slightest.

His warped behaviour is a betrayal, is cheating and is illegal. The fact he is trying to make this your fault is reprehensible.
You may well have dodged a bullet by finding out when you did as his behaviour was likely to escalate.
Do what you need to do to be safe. At the very least he needs to go.
I hope you are able to report him to the police who will take it seriously. He needs to be in the sex offenders register and I think, hope, that he would show up on a Clare’s Law search.
I hope you have someone irl you can confide in and support you .
Always remember you have done nothing to deserve this, you deserve so much better and that his behaviour is deviant.

I agree op but actually I’d feel more comfortable if you left the situation rather than asking him to.

He probably can see what he has done more clearly than you in your shock. I think I’d feel a bit anxious about instructing him to leave. Who could you go to?

I can’t understand why you aren’t focussing on the fact that there are men out there who may be actively trying go find you because they believe you gave them the come on in those explicit messages and photos and think you are up being molested by then.

Or if they are local men and by chance see you out and about.

You have no idea who these men are and what they are capable of.

You must go to the police.

I think just now op is in shock and needs to remove to somewhere safe she can process this.

Op I feel as though, particularly now he knows you are aware of his activities, you are not safe where you are.

OP you are clearly in shock.
You need to stop talking to and reasoning with this man.
He isn’t safe to be around. What he has done, using your name and pictures, is put you in danger. Please wake up to this reality. He needs reporting and he needs to leave.

Urghh. How can you possibly stay with him after this? I'd be off like a shot.

OP, go to the police, when/if you're ready and only if you want to. I had some very judgemental people berating me for not pressing charges against my ex when he raped me but the police told me there was no point and I know how hard court is for sexyal crimes because it wasn't the first time it had happened to me.

You will be in shock. The first thing I would do is try and make sure you're safe. Is there anyone who can stay with you or anyone you can stay with? He may have given other information about you such as your address.

I'm so, so sorry this has happened to you. It's terrible. Don't let him place any blame with you at all. Please try and get some real life support if at all possible and look after your mental and physical health as best you can.

The advice is to report him to the police.

If u have icloud u may b able t delete it t stop it happening agen n save it t usb, screenshot b4 deletion. Then, yes, police r always supportive with abuse much better than they used to be.

This. OP, I hate to scare you, I really do, but it sounds like he has been setting you up for rape. You mentioned that the messages were also violent in their nature - please, please go to the police. What you H has done is criminally deviant and puts you in harms way.

So much this. Bloody hell, that's awful. And illegal.