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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you add partner to mortgage after 5 years?

125 replies

Careermummy · 16/05/2025 12:47

Me and my partner got together during Covid so he moved in very quickly because of lockdowns. I own my own house and he was renting a room when we got together so it made sense to move into mine. It's 5 years on and we're still in the same position. He doesn't have the funds to pay a large contribution into the house. We had a turbulent first few years
but mellowed in the last few but we do still row occasionally (never over anything serious). I do my best to make him feel it's his home like decorating it how he wants etc but he says it's still my house at the end of the day. Should I be adding him to the mortgage at this point? I would absolutely be getting a solicitors contract if I did to state %s owned and that I have the option to buy him out if we do break up. To be honest I don't even know what % he would own if he's not made a significant contribution but I can worry about that later. Thanks x

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 16/05/2025 15:10

@Careermummy

Absolutely not! If you aren't confident enough in the relationship to marry him, why on Earth would you give him a stake in your most valuable asset? Your main concern needs to be protecting your home, period. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to marry him any sooner than you feel confident in doing, just don't take the chance of losing your home in the case of a split.

And yes, I know married people lose homes in a divorce. It's just that there are laws and protections of long standing in place for a divorce that may not be so cut and dried in the split of an unmarried couple, even with a legal agreement.

As far as the extension, you need to be able to pay for that yourself. In protecting your home you are also accepting 100% responsibility for it and any major investments or improvements. It's not right to ask someone with no 'stake' to put up a large sum for an improvement that does not benefit them in the long run. But the upside is that the decision is yours, if you can swing it.

Bunintheovens · 16/05/2025 15:18

The advice to wait until they are married has a downside.

In marriage, the starting place is 50-50 (in event of a divorce.)

A Tenancy in Common is overridden by marriage
What she'd need is a pre-nup, which although not 'legal' carries weight at court if they divorce and go to court.

Potentially, she'd lose far more by being married.

Fastingandhungry · 16/05/2025 15:23

Eh no 🤣

Richiewoo · 16/05/2025 15:46

Don't do it

Gyozas · 16/05/2025 17:42

Careermummy · 16/05/2025 13:17

Wow that's a very clear no 😂thanks all for your responses.

Responding to a few points. We earn almost identical now and he pays almost half of the everything. To be fair to him he's never asked to go on the mortgage but it's come up recently as I am looking to get an extension and he's understandably said he won't pay towards it, especially as he doesn't think we need it.

It's coming up more now because I am thinking after 5 years of paying into the house he deserves a little security. I really don't know if we're turbulent as surely most couples row occasionally don't they? I know we love each other and (most of the time) I want a long future with him.

Deserves security? Then he can buy his own damn house.

Do no give him yours. He’d have been paying rent if he didn’t live with you so he’s hardly lost out.

Also, this is worrying:

He doesn't have the funds to pay a large contribution into the house. We had a turbulent first few years
but mellowed in the last few but we do still row occasionally

Gettingbysomehow · 16/05/2025 17:51

Absolutely, categorically no!!!! Please don't make this terrible mistake. He didn't buy your house or put any money into the deposit. Your home is the only security you have. If he wants a house then let him buy his own house and rent it out.
What if he leaves in 5 or 10 years time taking half your house with him.
Personally I wouldn't. I'd tell him he needs to prove he is provider before even thinking about marriage.
He has nothing, you have everything. I expect that's very attractive. You think about you. Use your head not your heart.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 16/05/2025 18:00

Several different things to consider here:

If you have children from a previous relationship, then you need to give them bullet-proof security. Which means not having anyone else financially involved in their home. How would you feel if you split up after giving DP a share in the home, couldn't afford to buy him out, and had to move you and the children out to a cheaper place?

Being on the deeds (ownership) is not the same as being on the mortgage, although the mortgage company will have a say in who is on the deeds.
e.g. they may ask you to pay an insurance fee for their benefit.

If he is not on the deeds or mortgage, it is perfectly fair that he does not pay for the mortgage, or any renovations or extensions or big bills like boiler repair. Those should be entirely paid by you.
He should be paying a fair share of household bills only, not mortgage.

However, as he is essentially living rent-free, you and he might agree that he pays you a small amount of rent.
There are good legal reasons for calling his payments 'rent' and not 'share of mortgage' - if he can prove he has been paying your mortgage, it can get very messy if you break up.

Or, you might decide it is fairer for him to not pay rent to you, but instead put that money away each month in long-term savings or investments, for his own benefit, as an alternative to building equity in the house. He could even get himself a buy-to-let.

Eventually he could buy a share of the house from you with a lump sum, e.g. when your children have left home. The split can be specified legally, e.g. 70/30 or whatever, not equal shares.

What is not fair is for him to pay "into the household" without being clear if it is for your mortgage or for rent.

Frostiesflakes · 16/05/2025 18:11

Gonk123 · 16/05/2025 14:28

Do not do it! Ex husband did the same. We got married and lived together less than 3 years. He mattered about it being my house the whole time. Put him on the mortgage and next thing he left - and with it took 37.5k! Look after your assets, he needs to match your first then you’re equal.

You were married so he would have been entitled to something even if he wasn’t on the mortgage

Meadowfinch · 16/05/2025 18:17

No, absolutely not.

If you had children together and he was supporting you and his children, then marriage would be a reasonable move, leading to a shared asset.

Until then, he is lucky to get a hassle free home he can just move in to. I hope he is paying half the bills or at least contributing what he used to pay in rent.

OneOliveZebra · 16/05/2025 18:20

No

DirtyBird · 16/05/2025 19:23

Way too volatile to make that big of a move. I wouldn't even think of doing it.

WallaceinAnderland · 16/05/2025 19:42

He doesn't have the funds to pay a large contribution into the house.

No. If he can't buy into the house, he doesn't get to own half of it.

WildflowerConstellations · 16/05/2025 20:50

No! Why would you just randomly give him a bit of your house?

JoyousPoet · 16/05/2025 22:24

No, don’t do it! I added my ex to the mortgage (and hence deeds). Biggest financial mistake of my life. I will never combine my finances with a man again and especially not add a man’s name to my asset.

mepipesneedlagging · 17/05/2025 08:05

What was the turbulence in the beginning OP?
As everyone says on here (and how I wish Mumsnet was around when I was making all my own mistakes!) The early days are when you both show your best face and enjoy the honeymoon bliss of a new relationship..

In my experience this is a huge red flag and the issues are likely to reappear further down the line.

BellissimoGecko · 17/05/2025 08:06

‘’A turbulent first few years’ doesn’t sound good. What happened?

Worried8263839 · 17/05/2025 08:24

No

Gonk123 · 17/05/2025 08:31

Frostiesflakes · 16/05/2025 18:11

You were married so he would have been entitled to something even if he wasn’t on the mortgage

I know that, I am not sure he knew it. He waited until he was on the mortgage before he left a very short marriage.

Munkyfuzzable · 18/05/2025 13:32

ZoggyStirdust · 16/05/2025 13:45

OP post this again but with his position as the woman and yours as the man. You’ll get a totally opposite set of responses.

he’s paid hof your mortgage for 5 years with no rights or accrual of asset from that. You’ve benefitted from his payments. If he was a woman mumsnet would be screaming at him to make sure he had a fair share and not to pay off someone else’s asset.

Yes, but in the opposite scenario, the chances are that the woman would be doing the lion’s share of domestic work as well as contributing monetarily. What is more, OP stated that he’d not been a position to contribute much to the house, so no, he hasn’t been contributing to her mortgage for five years.
Why are women expected to hand over their hard earned equity? Those who argue ‘what if the roles were reversed’ seem to forget that women had no legal rights to their ‘husband’s property’ for centuries all whilst contributing massively to the relationship with unpaid labour and being the sole parent.
If OP really is insistent on doing this (without pressure from him), she needs to add up his contribution to the rent (not bills, groceries, rates etc, because these are living expenses that occur regardless of a mortgage), then she can draw up a contract in respect of this amount. Alternatively, she could sell up and go halves on a new place where his half is mortgaged, but she’d be liable if he defaults. It’s all a no win for her, I personally wouldn’t.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 18/05/2025 15:12

Absolutely not!

MannequinsArePeopleToo · 18/05/2025 15:17

Haven't read the replies but my answer would be a No.

Poopeepoopee · 18/05/2025 15:24

Husbands/men /boyfriends/partners/fiances/come and go.

Kids are forever.

Keep your house for your kids and enjoy dating/having a live-in lover.

FeistyFrankie · 18/05/2025 15:32

OP you really need legal advice for this one. Speak to a solicitor about protecting the money you've put in already and see what they say.

Bimblebombles · 18/05/2025 19:07

Why on earth would you consider that.

No way.

superplumb · 18/05/2025 20:32

Nope. No way