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Original poster

Would you add partner to mortgage after 5 years?

125 replies

Careermummy · 16/05/2025 12:47

Me and my partner got together during Covid so he moved in very quickly because of lockdowns. I own my own house and he was renting a room when we got together so it made sense to move into mine. It's 5 years on and we're still in the same position. He doesn't have the funds to pay a large contribution into the house. We had a turbulent first few years
but mellowed in the last few but we do still row occasionally (never over anything serious). I do my best to make him feel it's his home like decorating it how he wants etc but he says it's still my house at the end of the day. Should I be adding him to the mortgage at this point? I would absolutely be getting a solicitors contract if I did to state %s owned and that I have the option to buy him out if we do break up. To be honest I don't even know what % he would own if he's not made a significant contribution but I can worry about that later. Thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
Careermummy · 16/05/2025 13:17

Wow that's a very clear no 😂thanks all for your responses.

Responding to a few points. We earn almost identical now and he pays almost half of the everything. To be fair to him he's never asked to go on the mortgage but it's come up recently as I am looking to get an extension and he's understandably said he won't pay towards it, especially as he doesn't think we need it.

It's coming up more now because I am thinking after 5 years of paying into the house he deserves a little security. I really don't know if we're turbulent as surely most couples row occasionally don't they? I know we love each other and (most of the time) I want a long future with him.

OP posts:
WildCats24 · 16/05/2025 13:22

I would only add him if I were happy to give him half of my house if we broke up. If I were prepared to take out a new mortgage of 50% of the value of my home to buy him out. Or to downsize to a property at 50% of the value of my home if we broke up.

EdisinBurgh · 16/05/2025 13:23

Have you thought about getting married?

For these same financial reasons as well as emotional ones?

It’s true everyone rows and it’s great that you do see a future with him. In that case why not make it official?

HuskyNew · 16/05/2025 13:24

yeesh · 16/05/2025 13:02

Nope especially not in a turbulent relationship! If he wants security why doesn’t he use the money he saves by living with you and buy something as an investment?

This.

what benefit does giving him an interest in your house bring you?

None.

carly2803 · 16/05/2025 13:25

no absolutely not UNLESS he is going to chip in half of your equity?!

make it equal

thought not. no!!!!

Original poster
Careermummy · 16/05/2025 13:26

Regarding marriage, yes it's on the table but I want to wait longer then 5 years as me and my ex husband divorced after 8 years together (we just grew apart), so I want to make sure we can at least last longer then that.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 16/05/2025 13:26

No.

You moved in too fast and had a rocky time for how long? You're still having fights. He brought this up.

Your relationship doesn't sound stable enough to even consider this. You even had to decorate it how he wanted. It sounds like you're doing the heavy lifting in the relationship to keep the peace and now you're considering giving him a portion of your largest asset to keep the peace again because he is now complaining that it's your house.

Are there children involved?

IndieRocknRoll · 16/05/2025 13:28

EdisinBurgh · 16/05/2025 13:23

Have you thought about getting married?

For these same financial reasons as well as emotional ones?

It’s true everyone rows and it’s great that you do see a future with him. In that case why not make it official?

Happy to be corrected but surely OPs partner would benefit more from the marriage in this situation?
He would be entitled to a share of her house in the event of divorce. If, god forbid, anything happened to OP, he would inherit the whole house in the absence of a will?

Munnygirl · 16/05/2025 13:28

For heavens sake DON’T DO IT!!!

TeeBee · 16/05/2025 13:28

Not a chance I’d be doing that.

outerspacepotato · 16/05/2025 13:31

If he earns nearly identical to you and pays half the bills, where is his money going as he hasn't had to pay rent for 5 years? Why hasn't he saved a "significant sum?

Again, are there children involved here?

Frostiesflakes · 16/05/2025 13:31

If you had 200k in the bank
would you just happily hand him 100k of that that with no expectation of getting it back

in fact if you gave him that would 100k tomorrow and he left you in a months time how would you feel

if the anwser is no and I would want to murder him and bury him under the patio
then don’t add him to the deeds / mortgage

you would be essentially giving him a percentage of your equity
and if you marry him then who knows how much he might walk off with if you divorce

Think of the worse and go from there

Blueeeee · 16/05/2025 13:36

Hell no! Do not do it! He should give you rent or pay bills.

mrshedgesparrow · 16/05/2025 13:37

NO!!!

indianques · 16/05/2025 13:40

You would be INSANE to do this. I have been with my DH for 17 years and haven't added him to mine. My first marriage went tits up after 20 years (him cheating), so shit can happen at any time. I'm amazed you would be willing to risk your home for a man. Crazy, crazy idea. Apart from separation, consider if he runs up debts in the future and defaults - the lender could come after your house! And I say that as an Ex debt collector Op. Don't be a dafty.

Noshowlomo · 16/05/2025 13:43

Fuuuuuck no. You’re giving this person half of an asset.
House is half his, split the month after, he gets half of the equity. Nope!

S0j0urn4r · 16/05/2025 13:43

No fucking way!
He can't even pay half the mortgage.
Do not marry this guy.
A friend did this with her new husband. Added him to her house. He brought nothing but debt to the marriage and was living with his parents prior. Things went south after they had a kid. (Within 3 years!) He refused to leave unless he got 70% of the equity. Equity he had made zero contribution to!
DON'T DO IT!!!!!!

TheFormidableMrsC · 16/05/2025 13:44

Careermummy · 16/05/2025 13:26

Regarding marriage, yes it's on the table but I want to wait longer then 5 years as me and my ex husband divorced after 8 years together (we just grew apart), so I want to make sure we can at least last longer then that.

Don’t get married, keep your house.

ZoggyStirdust · 16/05/2025 13:45

OP post this again but with his position as the woman and yours as the man. You’ll get a totally opposite set of responses.

he’s paid hof your mortgage for 5 years with no rights or accrual of asset from that. You’ve benefitted from his payments. If he was a woman mumsnet would be screaming at him to make sure he had a fair share and not to pay off someone else’s asset.

SummertimeFeelingFine · 16/05/2025 13:49

No my answer would be exactly the same, unless there were children involved.

Incidentally he seems just fine with the arrangement as I don't see anywhere that he's requested to be on the mortgage.

BestDIL · 16/05/2025 13:53

Absolutely not. You were the one who saved for the deposit and paid the mortgage long before he came along. He was renting a room so obviously wasn't either financially able or minded to save as you did!

If you transfer a % of the house to him and then you split, what happens? You will have to buy him out!

allgrownupnow · 16/05/2025 13:54

You haven’t said whether he has been contributing to mortgage payments. If he has been making meaningful contributions then it is something to consider, as a proportional percentage. But if he has only been paying his half of eg food and electricity then no, he has not paid into the house and isn’t due a chunk.

you haven’t given enough info to give a fair response.

And I think you should be very honest with yourself about the prospects for this relationship- the way you describe it sounds like you have doubts, although you put it in a flippant tone.
Impossible to know for certain but deep down is this a healthy, respectful, open communication, enjoyable relationship. It’s hard to tell from
what you’ve said…

Veganpug · 16/05/2025 13:57

Are you mad
Why the fuck would you do that .
If he really loved you ,he wouldn't be asking or making you feel guilty,he would be happy you had that security,not trying add himself on to it .
Clearly he's out for what he can get

SummertimeFeelingFine · 16/05/2025 13:58

Doesn't seem that way to me from what OP has said - he's merely said that he's not going to pay for an extension OP wants, since the house is hers.

That's fair enough.

Veganpug · 16/05/2025 14:00

Careermummy · 16/05/2025 13:26

Regarding marriage, yes it's on the table but I want to wait longer then 5 years as me and my ex husband divorced after 8 years together (we just grew apart), so I want to make sure we can at least last longer then that.

Why marry him in your situation your financially stable ,you have no need for marriage.dont over complicate things