Sex when theres a gap between meeting

[OneOliveZebra]

Often we will go 2 weeks between dates, texts but not really phone calls/facetime inbetween.
Is it expected to jump straight back in each time ?
I feel like we start at the beginning again when theres a gap.

If you cant keep up with real communication with him, then you should really throw this one back.
If a man is interested, you'll know.

It sounds like you’re FWB/FB rather than in a relationship tbh

I’d need a bit of time to reconnect before jumping into bed, but an hour of chatting face to face and kissing etc would do it. I’d feel weird going straight to bed if that’s what you’re suggesting.

If would say a date or meet up once every two weeks is not enough to foster and maintain a connection with someone. Especially if you only text in between.

Is this because there’s no way of meeting up more often or a choice you or he has made?

I would say if he’s not willing or able to give you more time, it might be time to find someone who will or find ways to keep the intimacy going in between like with phone calls, FaceTime, dinner date over Zoom or whatever

A little more info needed. How long have you been seeing each other and why is there so long between dates? Is that one person's choice more than the other's? When I was in a LDR we couldn't wait to tear each other's clothes off when we got to see each other again!

We were dating once a week, but then he got tonsillitis and now its been two weeks. But with no concessions from him that its been his fault its been two weeks.
im trying not be a nob but

Obviously, these things will happen
Nothing can be done about it, but our schedules don’t really align at the best of times
Maybe I’m overthinking it. It wouldn’t be the first time I do like him.

I read the title and thought it was going to be about getting frisky between Teams calls while WFH!

Your work sounds more exciting than mine...

I would expect more calls in between meetings if this was a serious relationship

Agreed. Theres been one facetime ever 🤦‍♀️

No concessions? That seems an odd phrase in this context. Is he expecting you to jump straight to sex?

That’s just our terminology. Don’t read anything into that. It’s how we speak.
I think so
Last time we went for a drink, Had one drink and then it was back to his and down to business. Which after a one week gap still doesn’t feel great, but two is definitely pushing it for me

This was the case in the early days with DP and I. I'd need some in person connection through having a chat, a drink, relaxing together and he wanted to connect through going straight to bed 🤦🏻‍♀️. I explained it to him and he understood and I also got that it was how he wanted to connect and he could relax with me after that. So we sort of met in the middle. I think I'd tell him straight "look, I like you and am attracted to you but need a bit of time to reconnect before we have sex rather than jumping straight to it".

😆😆😆😆

I thought it was that too but at the office! I was all ready to clutch my pearls.

Last time we went for a drink, Had one drink and then it was back to his and down to business. Which after a one week gap still doesn’t feel great, but two is definitely pushing it for me

Have you explained that to him? Only do what you want to do. Don't be rushed.

Me too 🤣🤣

How long have you been dating for? We don't often call each other and have never facetimed but we message daily throughout the day and always message to say good night. Maybe it's an age group thing that different forms of communication are more commonly used?
Oh, and we've never jumped straight into bed if we haven't seen each other for a week or more!

So don't go back to his for sex so quickly, if it's going to make you feel used. If you're on a date, go on a date.

If you're not happy about how it's going generally, drop him.

Exactly. It's not okay with you, so make that clear. If he values the relationship and wants to be with you, he'll adjust his behaviour and expectations. If not, you'll know where you stand.

The trouble is there wasn’t a lot of choice in that scenario. I didn’t arrive until 8 pm his fault.
The bar was waiting to close after an hour because we were the only ones in there
Couldn’t really go anywhere else it was just back to his
And frankly he had been up since 430 in the morning so I don’t think he would’ve lasted much longer than 10 o’clock
Just all feels a bit unromantic
But I have form for nitpicking so I’m just trying to get some neutral Advice/thoughts.
To answer the other question, we’ve not been dating long at all four months. I feel that this is probably as good as it gets in terms of excitement levels at least. And keenness to see each other

You’ve only been together 4 months, you go anything up to a fortnight without seeing each other, have little or no communication inbetween and even when you see each other, it’s one drink then a shag - is this really what you want from a relationship? It wouldn’t work for me.

I had a distance relationship where we only saw each other weekends but from the start we made those weekends count. Dinners out, nice bars, theatre, gigs, music festivals etc etc as well as sex - proper dating condensed into a short window.

If he wanted to, he would

It's not nitpicking, it is unromantic.

If you're desperate to shag each other, do that first and then go out 😁

But tbh it doesn’t sound like he has time/sufficient interest for a relationship.

Hardly any contact in between and a pint & shag. Nahhhh.

That’s definitely how it feels
I feel a bit sorry for him because I know he is lonely, But he could choose to fix that, and he’s not.
Additionally, I don’t see there being any more time available in his schedule.
Oh dear, another one bites the dust