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Original poster

Sex when theres a gap between meeting

83 replies

OneOliveZebra · 15/05/2025 21:09

Often we will go 2 weeks between dates, texts but not really phone calls/facetime inbetween.
Is it expected to jump straight back in each time ?
I feel like we start at the beginning again when theres a gap.

OP posts:
SummertimeFeelingFine · 16/05/2025 12:33

Eh it's not going to work, is it.

I agree, it's not nitpicking, it's just the bare minimum. and four months in that's just not good enough and doesn't exactly bode well for the future.

SummertimeFeelingFine · 16/05/2025 12:36

Have you told him how you feel, mind? Because if you've not communicated that it's not good enough, he wouldn't know to fix it. If you're going back to his for sex, you're communicating that you're cool with how things are going.

The no more room in his schedule is a potential issue though. If he had more room you could have gone out another night instead of trying to have a date when he'd been up since half four.

Original poster
OneOliveZebra · 16/05/2025 12:52

SummertimeFeelingFine · 16/05/2025 12:36

Have you told him how you feel, mind? Because if you've not communicated that it's not good enough, he wouldn't know to fix it. If you're going back to his for sex, you're communicating that you're cool with how things are going.

The no more room in his schedule is a potential issue though. If he had more room you could have gone out another night instead of trying to have a date when he'd been up since half four.

This is very much the trouble he is already burning the candle at both ends and then of course he got sick as a result which was written on the walls obviously.
I don’t know what to do. Because I’m pulling back as you can imagine. I don’t think he wants to finish it, but the truth is if I got a better offer tomorrow, I’d be off

OP posts:
SummertimeFeelingFine · 16/05/2025 12:53

Then it's definitely time to let this one go!

Crushed23 · 16/05/2025 13:06

I’m sorry OP, but you really sound like hard work, to use a MN cliche. There’s nothing wrong with meeting once a week when you’re dating, assuming you both have jobs and lives outside the relationship? And it was only a 2 week gap because he was ill with tonsillitis (saying it was ‘his fault’ is not very charitable….).

As for FaceTiming, I do not and have never FaceTimed while dating, I hate it. It’s not for everyone, and it might not be for him, as opposed to him being purposely withholding.

In short, mountain out a molehill, yes - stop nitpicking. 😊

Original poster
OneOliveZebra · 16/05/2025 13:15

@Crushed23 I might agree with you if he hadn’t FaceTime twice previously.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 16/05/2025 14:15

SummertimeFeelingFine · 16/05/2025 12:33

Eh it's not going to work, is it.

I agree, it's not nitpicking, it's just the bare minimum. and four months in that's just not good enough and doesn't exactly bode well for the future.

Agree with this. OP you are definitely not nitpicking, it’s a few crumbs of a relationship that’s zero effort.

If this is supposed to be the honeymoon period then it’s setting the expectation bar pretty low for the future.

I wouldn’t bother tbh

Newname25 · 16/05/2025 14:23

OP I'm not getting the sense that you like him very much so maybe time to call it a day

its2025 · 16/05/2025 14:32

but the truth is if I got a better offer tomorrow, I’d be off

I think you've just answered your own question TBH.

So you've both had schedules that clash - he's busy and also has been ill.

If you both wanted to - you'd both be making more effort. I'm not saying you've made no effort at all - but honestly it doesn't sound like this is the relationship for either of you.

Just say things aren't working out for you and end it.

Get yourself back out there and find someone how is good enough to make an effort for - and that is willing to make the effort for you too.

WildCats24 · 16/05/2025 14:34

Sounds more like a FWB situation. So there’s no contact in between, other than to arrange the next hookup?

Do you do things that don’t involve sex, or are you having sex at every encounter?

theyoungishman · 16/05/2025 14:46

I'm sorry I read this and thought this was a work from home thread! A quickie between zoom meetings 🤣

Original poster
OneOliveZebra · 16/05/2025 14:53

WildCats24 · 16/05/2025 14:34

Sounds more like a FWB situation. So there’s no contact in between, other than to arrange the next hookup?

Do you do things that don’t involve sex, or are you having sex at every encounter?

See this is the funny thing there is messaging, Text good morning good night that kind of thing.
But there’s nothing in the day which again I understand he’s busy. He can’t be on his phone all the time whereas I permanently have my phone in my hand. There’s not a moment of the day where I’m awake where I’m not holding my phone because of my job.

To give you an example on WhatsApp my business number is set up so that if somebody doesn’t message me for 24 hours it reintroduces me because it would assume that if you haven’t spoken to me for 24 hours you don’t know who I am again, and you’re a completely new person
He got that last week 🤣
And he wasn’t very happy about it he did mention it
But then he went 30 hours without messaging soooooo

OP posts:
Original poster
OneOliveZebra · 16/05/2025 15:02

I should say there’s nothing in the evening either, though.
I feel as though he has built up this single life for himself over the last couple of years, which I understand.
And now he’s got the three corners Work kids social life
But he’s got to make me the fourth one has he and I need equal attention I’m not suggesting I get any more than 25% but I do want my 25% !

OP posts:
ruddygreattiger · 16/05/2025 16:43

You are a booty call. If he wanted to speak to you in-between hook ups he would make an effort, never mind how busy he is.
Men ain't that complicated op, he isn't after a proper relationship.

August1980 · 16/05/2025 19:58

ItsFineReally · 16/05/2025 10:27

I read the title and thought it was going to be about getting frisky between Teams calls while WFH!

Me too

financialmuddle · 16/05/2025 20:21

If you were going to get 25% of his attention you would have had it from the start.

YourCalmNavyDuck · 16/05/2025 20:37

"If he wanted to he would..."

I think quite a few people on the dating scene suggest a dating/relationship format just to get regular casual sex...if he's tired and broke (like most of us are), he could ask you over and make a really nice night of it.

For £7 he could get prosecco, add some chocs in, put some effort into a "date vibe". You'd know.

If you say something I suspect he'd do the bare minimum to appease you. If he's too tired to make effort you don't have to compensate by turning up to havevsex with someone you don't feel connected to.

Original poster
OneOliveZebra · 16/05/2025 20:58

YourCalmNavyDuck · 16/05/2025 20:37

"If he wanted to he would..."

I think quite a few people on the dating scene suggest a dating/relationship format just to get regular casual sex...if he's tired and broke (like most of us are), he could ask you over and make a really nice night of it.

For £7 he could get prosecco, add some chocs in, put some effort into a "date vibe". You'd know.

If you say something I suspect he'd do the bare minimum to appease you. If he's too tired to make effort you don't have to compensate by turning up to havevsex with someone you don't feel connected to.

Hes not broke, hes paid for nice dinners initially.
He is time poor though and turned up to the first two looking knackered.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneOliveZebra · 16/05/2025 20:59

Tbf, i get better sex than him out of it, theres effort there which adds to the confusion

OP posts:
Dogsbreath7 · 17/05/2025 04:36

On the fence here.

You expect calls or messages when at work? When you already know he is busy? Yabu.

But jumping into sex straight away. YABU.

Your latter posts indicate you aren’t really into him yourself. So accept it is FWB. But since you don’t want to jump on him when you see him indicates you don’t really fancy him.

If you want more try a meet up, no sex, see how that goes. Try a few. It will tease out how both of you think. Long term relationships are about 1% sex, rest other things

move on but don’t cheat. Just tell him it won’t work

foreverblowingbubbless · 17/05/2025 05:56

Sounds like you're an option.

YourCalmNavyDuck · 17/05/2025 21:13

OneOliveZebra · 16/05/2025 20:58

Hes not broke, hes paid for nice dinners initially.
He is time poor though and turned up to the first two looking knackered.

Show quote history

Sounds lukewarm from both ends...if you were super into him/connected it wouldn't matter so much.

Maybe you've given him a chance as he ticks certain boxes ... he sounds too busy/knackered to really engage.

there's definitely a type who have good jobs, quite affluent, they know they can get new dates easily so they put "just enough" effort in but not whole-heartedly.

eg I've dated a few medical doctors and they'll "probably" go along with and pay for whatever I want to do if I push it (especially if there's early sex). But got the impression if I disappear they wouldn't really care.

Maybe it's me or maybe they're just at the life stage where they only have energy for a placeholder girlfriend. But no point continuing if it's lukewarm.

Original poster
OneOliveZebra · 17/05/2025 21:19

Im going to meet him in the week where theres no opportunity for sex so a date date and then we will see. Theres been a bit more interaction this weekend than usual, perhaps hes on the mend

OP posts:
YourCalmNavyDuck · 18/05/2025 02:01

OneOliveZebra · 17/05/2025 21:19

Im going to meet him in the week where theres no opportunity for sex so a date date and then we will see. Theres been a bit more interaction this weekend than usual, perhaps hes on the mend

sounds a good plan to review from there.

If it's just him going through the motions or not reassuring you and you having to indulge him as he's "tired" again... its a bit of a passion killer.

I don't really see the point of dragging things out if it's not 10/10, or at least 8/10 with good intentions/positive communication from him...you're right to be "nitpicking"!

I found dating there's lots of "technically good catches on paper" blokes where meeting just feels like meeting a vague friend/colleague (but there's the added expectation/pressure of intimacy. And for blokes pretty much any sex is better than no sex, even if the sex is Ok its not like he's doing me a favour).

No glaring red flags but honestly a bit draining unless you're 24 and full of energy and free time.

Original poster
OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 06:53

Oh im out. Just announced an overseas trip next week. Bugger that

OP posts: