Page 3 | Sex when theres a gap between meeting

OneOliveZebra · 2025-05-15T20:09:49+00:00

Often we will go 2 weeks between dates, texts but not really phone calls/facetime inbetween. Is it expected to jump straight back in each time ? I feel like we start at the beginning again when theres a gap.

3luckystars · 19/05/2025 06:58

How is he so busy ?

Original poster

OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 07:26

I think he’s disorganised. He’s not any more busy than anybody else. Certainly no more busy than I am.
Whereas I will happily text with my child in the room he won’t touch his phone when he is
And then I think people do build up a busy life for themselves when they’re single, which is understandable. What else are they gonna do?
But what there doesn’t seem to be any willingness to do is change that to accommodate me
You see this a lot

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babystarsandmoon · 19/05/2025 07:34

I once ended up in a situationship like this and it never got better, I wish I’d left in the early days as it was a waste of time.

You aren’t happy so end it now.

ruddygreattiger · 19/05/2025 07:34

No point wasting your valuable time trying to analyse his behaviour, he's not meeting your needs in any way. Have you told him you're done?
If not, he may come out with a load of excuses (busy, tired, will be better after etc) but personally I'd send a curt 'we're done' and block him.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 19/05/2025 07:43

@OneOliveZebra "The trouble is there wasn’t a lot of choice in that scenario."

You've always got a choice, why do you think you don't? You didn't have to go back to his, and even if you did, you didn't have to have sex.

In answer to your original question, if I'm dating someone and we're into each other, we message daily, usually throughout the day. If that wasn't happening, it would mean either I'm not that into them it they're not that into me.

NeedsMustNet · 19/05/2025 07:57

When you are talking, what are you talking about? Do you get the sense that you are getting to know him better each time? And are you telling him what your relationship needs and wants, likes and dislikes are? If you don’t want to go straight to bed, tell him that. His response will tell yoh much of what you need to know. Texting and FaceTiming are new technologies… people did OK without them 20 years ago and some people still do. So don’t read too much into his phone usage - if you were more of an item, you might (might!) start to appreciate the fact he is not a big phone user.

FloraBotticelli · 19/05/2025 08:09

I feel a bit sorry for him because I know he is lonely

No way would I stay in this. You’re staying in it because you feel sorry for him, not because you like/love him. It’s not your job to rescue people. You knew the answer right at the beginning of this thread - why are you still questioning yourself?

Original poster

OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 09:08

NeedsMustNet · 19/05/2025 07:57

When you are talking, what are you talking about? Do you get the sense that you are getting to know him better each time? And are you telling him what your relationship needs and wants, likes and dislikes are? If you don’t want to go straight to bed, tell him that. His response will tell yoh much of what you need to know. Texting and FaceTiming are new technologies… people did OK without them 20 years ago and some people still do. So don’t read too much into his phone usage - if you were more of an item, you might (might!) start to appreciate the fact he is not a big phone user.

We talk about Everything, but I’m just super conscious of future faking because again I’ve been down that road before. Trips we want to take etc.
I’ve got no doubt that he wants to do this stuff, but it’s just to see how it’s even possible given his childcare schedule. Every Sunday.
And mine every other weekend.
I refuse to ditch my child and put them with babysitters to accommodate this.

I had one previous relationship where he proposed in Paris and then took me into Tiffany to choose a ring and literally just sat there whilst I chose a ring and didn’t buy it. It was mortifying.

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WildCats24 · 19/05/2025 09:10

@OneOliveZebra What happened inTiffanys?

babystarsandmoon · 19/05/2025 09:16

I’m curious as to how he’s lonely but rarely free as it reminds me of my old situation.

He would claim to be lonely while I would have been available to see him more but he didn’t ask. I think he liked me being there to give him attention on his phone and have the odd meet up whenever he would claw some spare time.

Comes back to if they wanted to they would.

Original poster

OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 09:37

WildCats24 · 19/05/2025 09:10

@OneOliveZebra What happened inTiffanys?

This was with a different man, but basically I talked our way out of business covered up our embarrassment by asking for something clearly didn’t have in stock and we need to go away and have a think about a maybe we could order it in when we got home, but it was just Dreadful and one of my friends said that she would’ve ended it there and then on the spot

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WildCats24 · 19/05/2025 09:43

@OneOliveZebra So he what—said he’d changed his mind, and you had to make up a story when the salesperson returned?

SummertimeFeelingFine · 19/05/2025 09:47

Oh god @OneOliveZebra that's absolutely dreadful. What a twat.

Original poster

OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 09:52

WildCats24 · 19/05/2025 09:43

@OneOliveZebra So he what—said he’d changed his mind, and you had to make up a story when the salesperson returned?

Not exactly that he changed his mind. It was almost worse. We’re looking at all of these 15 grand rings.
Which is all they selling Tiffany. And additionally, it’s about what he spent on the last fiancé. He had who he was with for 10 years and had a child so it’s not like he made a habit of these things.
And I certainly didn’t feel like I was pushing the boat out by wanting the same
Anyway, so the Sales person comes back and he says good okay now at least I know what you like. And I’m like we could’ve done that on the Internet. This is embarrassing.
Hopefully they get it all the time people windowshopping and I didn’t let them start pouring the Prosecco and bringing out the snacks which is what they wanted to do

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Original poster

OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 09:55

babystarsandmoon · 19/05/2025 09:16

I’m curious as to how he’s lonely but rarely free as it reminds me of my old situation.

He would claim to be lonely while I would have been available to see him more but he didn’t ask. I think he liked me being there to give him attention on his phone and have the odd meet up whenever he would claw some spare time.

Comes back to if they wanted to they would.

This is where it’s so conflicting because he doesn’t deserve to be bluntly cut off, He hasn’t done anything wrong and he is a nice man.
I don’t think it is a case of if he wanted to he would. It’s a case of he’s got responsibilities. Work and children and the timing is just not conducive to him finding a new relationship
I don’t want to meet his child. I don’t want him to meet mine.
It’s so tricky

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SummertimeFeelingFine · 19/05/2025 09:56

You don't need to be horrible to him.

Just say, truthfully, that unfortunately it's not working for you and you wish him the very best.

WildCats24 · 19/05/2025 10:01

OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 09:52

Not exactly that he changed his mind. It was almost worse. We’re looking at all of these 15 grand rings.
Which is all they selling Tiffany. And additionally, it’s about what he spent on the last fiancé. He had who he was with for 10 years and had a child so it’s not like he made a habit of these things.
And I certainly didn’t feel like I was pushing the boat out by wanting the same
Anyway, so the Sales person comes back and he says good okay now at least I know what you like. And I’m like we could’ve done that on the Internet. This is embarrassing.
Hopefully they get it all the time people windowshopping and I didn’t let them start pouring the Prosecco and bringing out the snacks which is what they wanted to do

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I’m sure it happens all the time—couples going in to get an idea of what they can get for their budget and going home to have a think about it. Or the partner coming back to buy it later as a surprise.

Sorry to derail!

Original poster

OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 10:03

SummertimeFeelingFine · 19/05/2025 09:56

You don't need to be horrible to him.

Just say, truthfully, that unfortunately it's not working for you and you wish him the very best.

I tried that this morning when I just said our schedules are just not aligning here.
He’s going to see what he can do. This is what’s the frustrating bit, if he resolves it and rescues it great.
But it still doesn’t change the fact that he’s now off to an overseas trip which he hasn’t mentioned at any point over the last eight weeks and I don’t believe this has been sprung on him.
I just feel like a nagging old bag. After such a short period of time.
It seems sex is the least of our worries 🤣

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SummertimeFeelingFine · 19/05/2025 10:04

But that's what I mean. You're already not happy with it, at this early stage, and it's not going to change. So why prolong it? That's even more unfair to him.

Original poster

OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 10:05

WildCats24 · 19/05/2025 10:01

I’m sure it happens all the time—couples going in to get an idea of what they can get for their budget and going home to have a think about it. Or the partner coming back to buy it later as a surprise.

Sorry to derail!

Show quote history

It’s interesting you say that because my friend who’s been married three times so you could argue. She’s more successful at this than me.
Said she would’ve gone bananas and walked out of the Shop and finished it there and then.
I didn’t
But I wasn’t very happy I must admit

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Bumblebeestiltskin · 19/05/2025 10:07

OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 10:03

I tried that this morning when I just said our schedules are just not aligning here.
He’s going to see what he can do. This is what’s the frustrating bit, if he resolves it and rescues it great.
But it still doesn’t change the fact that he’s now off to an overseas trip which he hasn’t mentioned at any point over the last eight weeks and I don’t believe this has been sprung on him.
I just feel like a nagging old bag. After such a short period of time.
It seems sex is the least of our worries 🤣

Show quote history

You're not happy, so why are you letting it drag on? Find yourself someone amazing who has the time for you.

WildCats24 · 19/05/2025 10:19

OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 10:05

It’s interesting you say that because my friend who’s been married three times so you could argue. She’s more successful at this than me.
Said she would’ve gone bananas and walked out of the Shop and finished it there and then.
I didn’t
But I wasn’t very happy I must admit

Show quote history

Yes, if he strung you along and future faked you with no intention of buying any ring, which it sounds like he never did, that’s shit.

I meant from the perspective of worrying about saving face with the jeweller. It’s a bit like buying a car or a house—viewing several and having time to think before deciding on the final purchase/style/budget.

babystarsandmoon · 19/05/2025 10:44

He might not have done anything ‘wrong’ but you’re not getting your needs met.

You have said it feels unromantic

You would be off if a better offer came along

You said he could fix things but chooses not to. He is no more busy than you are.

30 hours without any texts.. And he doesn’t communicate in the evenings? I’m wondering if he’s really around his child when he can’t text.

He’s going off on over seas trips that he’s never mentioned so he can clearly make time when it suits him. He makes time for sex.

To make matters worse he is only going to see what he can do. I see a very unavailable man that isn’t worth it and you’re going to be ‘done’ over and over again.

Original poster

OneOliveZebra · 19/05/2025 10:46

I don’t think he’s always around his child when he can’t text. I’ve kind of figured out the pattern now it’s one day during the week and one day at the weekend.
Which again I realise works for the parents
But that’s not the arrangement that I have so it just doesn’t align with mine
I know I’ve got to throw him back but decent alternatives are thin on the ground.

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SummertimeFeelingFine · 19/05/2025 10:48

Seriously though...I can't imagine staying in a crappy, unfulfilling situation just because you're worried there aren't alternatives.

It's not that bad being alone!