Married man not happy in his relationship

[TheLimeQuail]

I am seeing someone each week. they are trapped with kids and don’t like being in their relationship but feel obligated to stay. I like the company of this person but not going any further until I can figure out the truth. I know I have heard this story before and there is a chance that it is a lie. Even if it doesn’t lead to anything, what can I do to make them feel better?

What on earth is attracting you to this man? You know straight up that he is disloyal to the people he is supposed to love and protect more than anyone else, he speaks badly of them, he doesn’t even wave at you.

It blows my mind that any woman would find a married man that’s prepared to cheat to be a “prize”. He’s literally advertising that he’s a liar and a cheat, two of the least appealing character traits a man could have.

I don’t think he’s suitable which is disappointing because I feel an attraction for him but I will find someone else.

You think?

Are you for real? Disappointing? HE’S MARRIED TO SOMEBODY. Of course he’s telling you his wife is awful, he has to do that to justify his shitty behaviour. I was the cheated on wife, the things my ex said about me to justify his infidelity nearly broke me. Fortunately those who love and know me knew he was lying and nobody who mattered believed him. It’s a tale as old as time and you’d do well to read “The Script” next time you think shagging a married man is acceptable.

So has he said his wife doesn’t understand him yet?
Or that he’ll leave her for you, just not quite yet?
I’d have some self respect and end this now.

OK, I will try a generous reading of this. There are two options:

1. He is actually a player and using you –

run.

2. He is genuinely unhappy but feels unable to leave for legitimate reasons.

Your presence will play on him as torture of what could be if it weren’t for the circumstances (probably kids) leading to resentment and deteriorating mental health. Even if you don’t have a physical affair your presence may blow the situation up worse than the normal exit he fears. You also are wasting your own time in a relationship which isn’t real and becomes an emotional drain on you.

Walk away.

The difference is the speed of travel not the direction. You need to get away from this.

You don't mention the wife? Do they know about you?

OP believes the wife is a terrible person because her cheating boyfriend told her so 🙄

It’s tragic how many of these lying cheating scumbag men are trapped in loveless sexless marriages with these evil wives, unable to leave 🥲

Indeed. Utterly trapped. 🙄

Also I think it’s worthy of note that the OP has not a clue at how awful divorce is. How utterly all consuming and hideous it is. Particularly with children involved. And being the side piece. Yet she is worried about “problems with new relationships”. She hasn’t got a fucking scooby.

He is not obligated to stay - he can pack his bags and go and stay somewhere else (rental property, with friends or family) while he and his wife sort out their future - where they are both going to live, finances, how they will share the children etc. He is not trapped. If his marriage is over he is free to tell his wife this.

Tell him you won’t see him again until he’s left his wife and sorted his life out.

An alternative perspective -

If he's genuinely unhappy and really wants you, tell him he has to end his current relationship and have a clear 6 month break before you will see him again.

If he does that, give it a go in the open.
If he won't, he's a liar, walk away and find someone who values you enough to be focused only on you (and not just sex!).

What a shame. If only you’d have had some kind of clue that this wasn’t a good man, that would have been easier to deal with. Oh. Wait.

Agree. He won’t leave for six months though, because he’ll only have been looking for that ego-boosting connection that becomes somewhat diminished when you get married to them and take on the ‘mother’ role instead.

Men like this target specific people. He will be able to recognise that you have connected to him on an emotional level and he will exploit that to satisfy his own needs. Once he has done that he will walk away because men without the courage to end a relationship that isn’t working don’t suddenly find the courage

People get stuck in relationships for all kinds of reasons, so he may be telling the truth.
This is not your business to fix though. It's his problem to fix - by himself, with his partner or his therapist.

Being desperate attracts bad men. Your barrier of entry is too low.

i just saw him driving a different car and collecting a woman that’s not his wife. I actually find it funny.

Why are you giving this twat a second thought?

🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

And?

Literally none of your business.

You need to forget about him.

Stop being so foolish.
You won’t put out so he’s likely found someone who will.
He isn’t trapped. He just wants to shag other women on the side.

😂

He’s supposed to be working

Why continue to let a lying cheating shagger live rent free in your head?
I’ll guarantee he’s not giving you the headspace you’re giving him

And why is it your concern?

And I bet his latest victim hearing the same sob story ‘my terrible wife doesn’t understand me’ bollocks he trots out to any woman foolish enough to listen

How is it in any way funny?