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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Married man not happy in his relationship

143 replies

TheLimeQuail · 11/05/2025 21:49

I am seeing someone each week. they are trapped with kids and don’t like being in their relationship but feel obligated to stay. I like the company of this person but not going any further until I can figure out the truth. I know I have heard this story before and there is a chance that it is a lie. Even if it doesn’t lead to anything, what can I do to make them feel better?

OP posts:
savethatkitty · 11/05/2025 23:34

Of course he's trapped and miserable. Keep telling yourself that love. Soon, he'll be telling you how his wife is "crazy" too and that they never shag anymore.

SavageTomato · 11/05/2025 23:34

Why is it your job to 'make them feel better'? Seriously, that's not a healthy response. What about you? Do you ever put yourself first? Because that using little fuckwit always does. Stay single and take care of YOU. Stop trying to save other people. It makes you very vulnerable.

Mom2K · 11/05/2025 23:35

TheLimeQuail · 11/05/2025 21:49

I am seeing someone each week. they are trapped with kids and don’t like being in their relationship but feel obligated to stay. I like the company of this person but not going any further until I can figure out the truth. I know I have heard this story before and there is a chance that it is a lie. Even if it doesn’t lead to anything, what can I do to make them feel better?

You don't do anything to make him feel better.

You stay far far away. Come on OP, I know you know better. You don't entertain a man still living in the same house as his wife and kids, no matter what story he spins you.

Cut him off completely and raise your bar.

Hedgingmybetching · 12/05/2025 00:00

Why the fuck would you want to have a relationship with a lying cunt who cheats on his wife?

We live in a fairly civilised society where people are actually allowed to divorce one another and regardless of what some men claim, a court will allow a father to see and live with his children in a shared custody arrangement unless there is mountains of police evidence that he is so dangerous and abusive it's a safeguarding issue (and even then they still will probably grant supervised visitation) also most men are not "trapped" because of kids unless he's a stay at home Dad and doesn't have enough of an income to live independently from his wife....

Mate, do you really think cheating fucks tell potential side pieces that their wive's are actually lovely people who they don't want to leave because it's a great family home but they just want to opportunistically get their dick wet? Have a think.

Waitingforspring77 · 12/05/2025 00:07

Red flags all over this one.
Keep clear, don't get involved. It's the best thing to do. He wants his cake and eat it.

GeorgianaM · 12/05/2025 00:29

Plot twist - he is using you and laughing behind your back for falling for his lies.

TwistedWonder · 12/05/2025 00:33

Are there absolutely no single men in the world you could make ‘feel better’ r rather than a lying cheat who wants to get his dick wet?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/05/2025 00:37

Why are you wasting your time listening to his problems, you're asking for trouble.
One way of finding out more is to contact his DW. Or tell him you're thinking about it, his face will gives you the answer.

BobbyBiscuits · 12/05/2025 00:40

Tell them to see a psychotherapist?
The person is trying to cheat with you and you want them to feel better? Very weird take on the whole situation there.

gokartdillydilly · 12/05/2025 00:57

FFS, are you for real?

Waterweight · 12/05/2025 01:25

Love if you've "heard this story before" you need to find better company for your own sake

Milosc · 12/05/2025 01:31

Why on earth would you want to make a cheater feel better? Because that is what they are by investing in you emotionally while crying about their terrible home life that they are so trapped in. If they weren't happy they would leave, not try to find a side piece which is what you are. How you can find a cheater attractive is beyond me. Stop the faux naive act. You know exactly what you are doing and the both of you deserve each other.

pinkglitter12 · 12/05/2025 01:38

I've never met her but omg do I feel for his poor wife. The least he could do is be honest with her? They've had what, some years together and he doesn't give her that? Do you want to be with an unfaithful, unloyal, dishonest and negative man?

pinkglitter12 · 12/05/2025 01:42

In answer to your question..what can you do to make him feel better? Give him as much oral as he wants, listen to his self pity and stop thinking about yourself or his wife. Don't question your doubts, just be used and thrown back out. I'm sure that would make him happy

qbk9 · 12/05/2025 01:48

OP don’t fall for this bollocks. I’ll translate it for you:

  1. he is selfish and therefore hasn’t adapted to sharing his wife’s attention with his kids

  2. he is selfish and doesn’t care how his pursuit of an affair will devastate his wife and kids - he’s the centre of the story

  3. he’s a liar - he isn’t trapped at all. He has chosen to stay but is still hoping to shag you on the side.

  4. he’s a shit husband to her, he’ll be a shit one to you

In answer to your question / what can you do to make him feel better. Stay the fuck away. Don’t have inappropriate chats with him.

it’s a cliche

foreverblowingbubbless · 12/05/2025 01:58

What can you do to make him feel better? Shag him and let him do so every week but only at your place. Never go out on a normal date as he can't do that. Continue like this for however long he feels like a bit of side action fun until he decides you are getting too keen on him so he dumps you. How about that?

vodkaredbullgirl · 12/05/2025 02:31

Is this a post it and run thread 🤔

MsDogLady · 12/05/2025 02:48

… what can I do to make them feel better?

@TheLimeQuail, instead of helping him harm his Wife and children, why don’t you (1) help her by informing her that he is cheating and stealing her agency and consent and (2) tell him to get lost.

Fraaances · 12/05/2025 03:29

⛔️ 🚧🛑🤦🏼‍♀️🙋‍♀️👉👉👉👉 head this way ➡️➡️➡️⛰️🚵🏔️🏞️🧗

⛳️🚩⛳️🚩⛳️🚩⛳️🚩⛳️🚩‼️⏰⏲️‼️⏰⏲️‼️

📵📵📵📵📵📵📵📵📵📵

Onthemaintrunkline · 12/05/2025 04:51

He’s most probably a liar and most definitely a sneak. Why would you want to bother with someone like that. Lift your game, find someone who isn’t someone else’s.

Calliecarpa · 12/05/2025 06:12

TinyTempest · 11/05/2025 22:31

The OP has done the 'Don't mention the sex Olympics', so might not be a man.

Either way, they're not your project so stay out of it.

It's weird actually, because the post title specifically states 'Married man not happy in his relationship', so I'm not sure what the point is of the OP using 'they' and 'them' rather than 'he' and 'him' in the rest of the post.

OP, like everyone else has said, he's a lying cheat. Run away as far and as fast as you can and have no more contact with this vile prick.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 12/05/2025 06:22

He's married with kids, don't be that woman.

Block his number, then find some self respect before you find another man (who is actually single).

JustMyView13 · 12/05/2025 06:44

You should not entertain a man who doesn’t respect his wife enough to have an honest conversation with her about how he feels, before shopping for her replacement.
If this is the level of contempt with which he treats the mother of his children, the lady he vowed to stay by in sickness and in health, what makes you think you can trust him?

RoseMarigoldViolet · 12/05/2025 07:05

NamechangeJunebaby · 11/05/2025 21:53

Tale as old as time and he’s spinning you a yarn. By saying he’s obligated to stay but he’s unhappy what he really means is he wants a shag on the side. Let him sort out his own problems and don’t get involved as you’ll end up hurt and you’ll also hurt his wife and kids.

This ^
(Very well put!)

Moglet4 · 12/05/2025 07:19

TheMathofLoveTriangles · 11/05/2025 22:39

“Stop stealing someone’s husband” - whoever just said that, what utter nonsense. Can always rely on women to hate other women. Oh and people aren’t property; even people with a ring on their finger! They choose to stay or choose to stray and that’s life.

Anyway, onto your problem op. Even if you are managing to kid yourself on that you’re not doing anything wrong (no sex), you are clearly becoming emotionally attached. You have cast yourself as his saviour, and his wife as his prisoner - and he’ll be lapping up that narrative cos it makes him the hapless victim.

Here’s my advice, advice that I wish I had given myself when I was in a similar position. Stay away. Don’t stay away for him, or for his wife and children (really not your responsibility!), stay away for your own sake. You will get burned here, trust me. A man who tries to make a connection with someone else rather than facing up to - and either fixing or walking away from - the problems in the relationship will never leave the wife. He’ll string you along and ultimately end up staying because he’s too cowardly to leave.

Don’t get involved in the cycle of destruction. Walk away.

It’s not about responsibility, it’s about having a single moral bone in your body. If someone is married, that’s all you need to know. End of discussion. They’re not available.