DH backing out of holiday again.

[Shouldibefedup]

so we NEVER get a holiday booked - DH too busy, worried about work etc. it’s always booked last minute, and is therefore stressful, too expensive and generally crap.he PROMISED at his year would be different and we’d go somewhere long haul and amazing as it’s the last year probably, with teen.

so now we finally have the money, he suddenly says,as he does every year, he’s too busy at work, he is worried he’ll get fired or something like this. He has to wait to find out x or arrange y. He is too busy to arrange it, we haven’t got the money what if he loses his job.
to be fair he is the main earner, and he has a difficult boss but he’s told teen we are going on this amazing holiday. We haven’t been anywhere apart from a week last year to stay with friends.
i find then that I can’t look for holidays as he will step in and change everything I’ve thought of at the last minute, so now like last year, I’m mentally stuck.
help!

It’s complicated- isn’t it always. Dh Was bullied and found a new job, he’s now been there 4 years. The Bullying boss has got a job 2 bosses above dh so Dh will have to present to him etc. he starts in 2 weeks. . Dh of course is very concerned, so am I.
Dh promised we’d go somewhere long haul last spring, last Xmas and now again this summer. Last year we had 2 last minute week away ( he was ill all week), the year before I took DS to visit a relative abroad DH chose not to come because of work. The Year before no holiday as he didn’t know when an important meeting would be.
he has the main job, I run the home, and do part time. it’s a bone of contention to at I’m not earning loads, but I fell off the career ladder with kids, moving and his stress. .I've finally found a direction and am building it up again now.
I don’t have to courage to book something. I inherited 30k which has gone into our joint savings so I guess I do have the money.
just nervous of going I guess. I used to bak pack all over.

All the more reason to book annual leave! The best time to go away is when new boss’s boss is just new in the door.

It’s not complicated!
he is legally allowed annual leave and he’s choosing not to use it’

Hang on, YOU inherited 30 grand?
Ffs I would be booking a world cruise for me and kids and up to him if he wants to join in.
If you rely in him to go on holidays you are always going to be disappointed, life is so short op, don't miss out on experiences for you and the kids if you can easily afford it.

Your DH needs to go and have some therapy to uncover why he’s so anxious about work. His reaction to taking time off isn’t normal. He also needs to learn how to stand up for himself and say no at work.

ruddygresttiger 😊
I know! But it’s got to go on the house, pensions etc.🙄but I’d rather have a hol than use it on kitchen cupboards 😀
sallydraoergetinhere that’s a good point, you mean get away before he’s had time to settle? I also think DH needs to see what else is in the world.

ive just mentioned holiday, not going to do it again. It will end, as it always does, in a row which ends in me not earning enough.
my mood is in my boots. Am seriously wondering what I’m doing.

Agree with this.

Book the holiday for you and DS. And go have a wonderful time. You have the money. You inherited it. Use it. Now or never.

Who says YOUR inheritance has to go on the house etc??
I'm sorry but you need to get some confidence and state what you are spending YOUR money on!! Jeez the amount of women that diminish themselves for their 'men'.
Get together with the kids and write a list of where they would like to go, get some holiday brochures and plan to have the best year ever. If your h wants to work let him crack on.

If you ask me your husband doesn’t really like holidays and he’s using work as an excuse. Life is too short to stay at home when there’s a whole world out there to explore. Research what you want to do and give him an ultimatum - I’m booking this holiday by the end of the week, let me know if you’re coming or if it’s just me and teen.
Edited to say I’ve just seen you have an inheritance - you’re perfectly within your rights to spend some of that on going away.

Take the £30k back iut and put it in your own account. Then book the holiday without him.

This. Just do it. Something in your marriage needs to change and you taking control of this holiday is the first step.

Not everyone likes holidays. Go without him.

He’s scared of flying is my guess.

Take your inheritance back out of the joint. Book a really easy holiday. When I was struggling a bit, I booked a late-deal half-board holiday to coastal Croatia with Tui. I was met at the airport, transferred on a coach. Ate at the hotel - decent buffet food. Courtesy coach into town for trips and a rep at the hotel every day to answer queries. It wasn't the type of holiday I normally do but it was safe, friendly, beautiful and peaceful and I really couldn't go wrong with organisation.

Everyone is entitled by law to take time off work for annual eave/ holiday by law

Nobody near their time of death says " I wish that I had spent more time at work"

Book the holiday with your child & enjoy

Life is too short to be miserable

Life is too short to spend at work

https://www.gov.uk/holiday-entitlement-rights

Oh I see you have inheritance

Definitely book a holiday !

Thanks guys! I’m a bit down so now DH is stroppy. I think we are both stressed.

Just go somewhere nice with your teen, it’s not like they’re little. I’m going with my teens for 8 days. Go somewhere that interests them and will keep them occupied, if dh wants to join you, he can book his own ticket.

Can you book flights and accommodation seperately? I’d book flights for you and ds plus accommodation which can sleep all three of you. If he wants to add on last minute he can, if he doesn’t that’s fine too - you’re still going.

Actually I think some posters have never had to work in a toxic environment with bosses from hell.

Its shit. It can destroy every confidence in your being. It can mean that you go to the shops and can't trust yourself to buy the right thing.

Op, that's not ro minimise your frustration at all, and absolutely go away with your teen. Perhaps book a villa or something it's easy to add dh to? Or maybe see if he does need building back up a bit/ feels less pressure.

Fingers crossed

If he’s afraid that new boss will gun for him (whether this is a rational fear or not), nobody can gun for him when he’s on AL. In fact it buys him time and security, I guarantee you, nobody else will be saying ‘I’d better cancel my holiday because a new manager is starting.’

Also, there are two things going on here:
you and your children should not be subject to your H veto’ing holidays, and
your H needs to be coached to realize that he is entitled to his statutory entitlement.

So you need these two things to align, not for your H to feel trapped and isolated, which does no good for the family dynamic

Take the 30k out of the savings ASAP, then tell your husband it will go back in once he's sorted a holiday, no negotiation, no giving in, nothing.
If he doesn't book holiday then use some of YOUR inheritance and go without him