DH backing out of holiday again.

[Shouldibefedup]

so we NEVER get a holiday booked - DH too busy, worried about work etc. it’s always booked last minute, and is therefore stressful, too expensive and generally crap.he PROMISED at his year would be different and we’d go somewhere long haul and amazing as it’s the last year probably, with teen.

so now we finally have the money, he suddenly says,as he does every year, he’s too busy at work, he is worried he’ll get fired or something like this. He has to wait to find out x or arrange y. He is too busy to arrange it, we haven’t got the money what if he loses his job.
to be fair he is the main earner, and he has a difficult boss but he’s told teen we are going on this amazing holiday. We haven’t been anywhere apart from a week last year to stay with friends.
i find then that I can’t look for holidays as he will step in and change everything I’ve thought of at the last minute, so now like last year, I’m mentally stuck.
help!

How is it that your husbands boss is dictating your family holiday plans?
Madness!
You were promised a holiday. Book the holiday you were promised.
If your dh wants to flap about like a Victorian maiden aunt, let him.

Your dh has chosen to prioritise his boss. You choose to prioritise your child.

Have a wonderful time and take lots of photos so dc can be reminded of your putting them first.

This

I organise holidays I want to go on and pay. If I want others to join me I invite them. They decline and I go anyway

Is he not allowed annual leave?

Why does he not have an annual leave allowance like most employees? Could there be more to this like someone else he doesn't want to explain a family holiday to? My ex did this and looking back I suspect it was because he was laying groundwork to get back with his previous partner at the time - I booked with my mum instead and ex missed dc first holiday abroad.

Whatever the reason I would just book with child and go life is too short

Holidays are the reward for getting through the rest of the year!

Book and go with your DC as it may be the last time they want to go with you. I remember my dad telling me we might go to France the next year, the holiday never materialised. Obviously you get over the disappointment at the time but I love travelling with my DC and having shared memories of times away. So I would say it’s your DHs loss. I think he really needs to have a word with himself though about the importance of his work, even the PM has a holiday!

I agree with everybody else: book a holiday for you and your teen and tell your DH you hope he'll feel able to join you but no worries if not.

I'll go further. I guarantee he ll be a PITA on any holiday so you may as well just go with your teen. You'll have the morning off as they don't do <noon in general. Be prepared for a bit of "poor me" when you get back but you'll have had a nice time and that's all that matters.

The work excuses would concern me a bit. If he has the kind of job where one can be fired for taking time off (that is, he works FOR someone and is not the owner or a partner), then he's not going to be fired for taking his allotted time provided that he's requested the specific dates and his boss has approved it. I'd worry that he either hasn't asked for the time and is afraid he won't get it at this late date, or is up to something or in some kind of trouble at work that might be discovered if someone else takes over his regular responsibilities for a few weeks.

Apart from that, though, I'd say I'm going and the teen and any other children are going with me and it's up to him if he wants to cancel his own ticket and stay home. I don't have the patience to listen to weeks of whinging, especially if he does it every year.

I would book it for all of you and say if he comes, great and if he can't, shame. My husband can be a bit like this, a slave to the job, loses a chunk of annual leave every year, delays deciding on a family holiday which gets more and more expensive the more you delay. I just started taking the approach above and he's always come with us so far AND enjoyed it.

Unless you think he really doesn't want to, in which case book just for you and teen unless he gives you an answer by x date.

In a bit worried though by your "main earner" and " he will change things". Do you have adequate control over finances to go ahead and book a holiday?

sod that..
book for you and your son. Tell your husband that is when and where you are going h and he can book himself if he wants…

Is he employed ?

Agree with others. Book it and go with your teen. I took mine to Rome on my own when he was 13. Big step for me as I hadn’t been abroad since before DS was born at that point and never without DH with us ( we separated when DS was quite young) but I didn’t want to miss out on holidays with my DS and vice versa.
It was great, we had a fab time and I was quite proud of myself. I know it’s not the same situation as you’re not separated, but the end result is the same - if you don’t go both you and dc miss the holiday that was promised. Don’t let your DH’s issues around his work get in the way of doing what you and your dc want.

My DH can be a bit like this - it's holiday anxiety in his case, as well as just preferring pottering around at home, even if he is off work. When we first met he used work as an excuse to not go. Unlike you though, I never let anyone control any part of my life, so I just book holidays, and if he doesn't want to come he doesn't have to. When it was just me and him, I booked group adventure holidays, now I book for the family, but just go with the girls if he doesn't want to come - he always does come in the end anyway. I don't argue about it, because, I don't want to control him either (i.e. I extend him the same courtesy that I expect him to extend to me), so if he doesn't want to come, that's his life, but he's not stopping me from living mine.

I've also booked holidays with just me and the girls - I discuss it with him first, but he's always happy for us to go off without him once in a while.

book it for you and DS don’t give DH the details

Go on your own with kid(s). Or invite a friend/ relative along.

Book a holiday and if he makes excuses why he can’t go, then you and your DC go without him and have a nice chilled week.

I wouldn’t sacrifice a holiday with DC because my DH can’t organise himself

Just go without him

I’d go with dc and your dh come if he can last minute

These sound like excuses to me. People don’t get fired for taking a holiday.

I’d bet my house it’s that he’s anxious about something. Flying? Foreign travel? Being far from home?

Or just doesn’t like holidays.

i don’t think ‘DH’ is very keen on holidays. Vanishingly few organisations are prepared to risk their staff burning out and do enforce taking holidays.

much more likely ‘DH’ is hiding behind work to avoid travel. Just go with your child and enjoy.

I agree. Just book for you and your DC. You might be surprised how many people have to do this, for all sorts of reasons.

Go without him

Agree with most people. He’s making excuses, and maybe it’s fear or anxiety on his part, but absolutely no reason it needs to stop you going. Just book it for you and the children. No reason anyone should miss out because of your husband, least of all the children. Besides, travelling solo/as a solo parent is very good at confidence building for you as well as for the teen.

What is your dh doing about his anxiety op? He has an anxiety disorder and it’s manifesting in different ways, he must be utterly miserable living like this.