May 2025 - 'We took you to STATELY HOMES' thread.

[Pleaseshutthefuckup]

Hope all ok with a new thread here. I've looked and can't find one anywhere past February.

I’ve been so scared of aging. It’s portrayed that as you age you become less and less. Your face wrinkles, people expect less of you. But actually it’s been great. You careless, you want less, it’s great!

I’ve also been worried that I had my kids later in life, worried I wouldn’t have the energy to run after them. But I think there is a positive to it. I’ve stopped searching for my value and purpose outside of myself. I can teach this to my children instead of passing on this curse.

It's worth remembering that Instagram calls itself social media but in reality it's an interactive shopping channel, like QVC on steroids

Isn't that a miserable way to live, though, being constantly anxious that someone might take your toys away.

Yes. All I want is peace, calm, warmth, no pain and sickness. The smallest things for me are huge. Animals, music, peace and no anxiety and upset. That is basically it.

I live in the same charity shop clothes, aesthetically look pretty unattractive now and don't give a shit.
It changes you so much. You have to search for the real authentic you and that's why this happens. Some go the other way and end up more and more like them.

It's freeing not dealing with men looking you up and down and assessing your attractiveness etc. No one notices me and I feel so grateful for that. I used to be above average attractive and it was anxiety ridden knowing men would assess, make comments and say horrible things even like they had the right to. Part of me also wanted attention with youth and hormones- natural really.

It's much better without this to me.

I can agree with a lot of what you are saying, there’s a freedom in not being bound by some of the more empty social conventions. I’m very happy with my house, for example, we put a lot of time and money into it but is it a big house? No. Could I have fancier stuff, yes but I’m so content. When other people go on lavish holidays I’m genuinely happy for them because, for me, happiness can’t be truly found in stuff. Of course I like going on holidays and buying clothes etc but it doesn’t have to be fancy. I grew up with the obsession of “keeping up with the Jones”, that was paramount and I live my life in the opposite way now. A sort of calmness has descended into my life on that front and it makes me really happy. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over all the trauma and it’s lifelong effects but I’m happy to be free from seeking validation through stuff.

I have no issue with aging. I do regret that I couldn't live more when I was younger and not as overweight and tbh wasn't living with daily pain yet. I'm quite used to pain and I don't mind it much, but it is random and unpredictable like it sometimes flares and other times are pretty much free from pain. It stops me from doing some things, like long walks during a flare up. That's all.

Age is just scary when I think of illnesses I am more likely to get. I worry because I'm on my own and my life could change drastically if I lose my income for example. Other than that I don't care. I enjoy being wiser. It brings calmness into my life. I care less indeed. I'm more relaxed because I know I am on the right track. I know what makes me happy and it's not what I thought made you happy when you are 20 or even 30. And I'm only early 40s too. If I could sleep well every night for the rest of my life that would be amazing.

My dream is that I could retire by 60 at the latest and work in the community with people or run a cat retirement village.

Perhaps that is what this feeling is. The feeling of detaching from seeking external approval to looking at what makes me feel happy. Letting the others just get on with what they need to do. It’s a bugger as others have experienced, the body keeps the score and despite feeling more free I’m bound by autoimmune conditions. It’s not really fair that’s I’m restrained just as I want to live more. Life is never easy.

I wonder how many of us have autoimmune problems you know. I also have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, that's genetic. It's genetically linked to ND way of being; ADHD and Autism for example.

I don’t know, loads I expect. I have C.F.S, ADHD and POTS and I keep getting this hugging tight feeling around my lungs that’s freaking me out the past few months. Body is struggling.

I have POTS. It's common in hyper mobile bodies because everything is too stretchy including blood vessels. I have to wear compression tights and take medication for BPressure to raise it.

You're possibly hyper mobile and don't realise. We do tend to deal with alot of arseholes I find whenever I speak to people with these conditions and their life experience.

Well that certainly explains a lot. I’ve done this in all my relationships because it’s always meant life or death to keep a relationship.

@Happyfarm I just rang the care home to confirm if dm was there as I was questioning whether the person had got it wrong before I told young adult dc and discussed if they wanted to visit her

They asked for dm name then my name then said they couldn't disclose the information why not just say no before asking for names so i presume we won't be able to visit either

Oh, maybe if you went in person with some ID and/or proof of family ties. I guess for data protection purposes you could be anyone on the end of the phone. I know at the school you have to be listed to be able to pick up etc, perhaps it’s a similar situation.

@Happyfarm if they had said no straight away I would of understood it's them asking for dm name possibly searched her on the computer then asked my name then said no

No doubt if they tell dsis she will report me to the police again and they will call me like they did when the opg investigator told me to email her contact details. You really couldn't make all this up

I might email adult social services to see if they can tell me or if there is any court order as to why I can't know where my mum is or visit her

That's so sad and shit spendysis! It's unbelievable, I wonder if your shithead sister has put a block on you specifically? Can your husband phone your sister and ask where your mum is? What a spiteful cow.

@Spendysis it feels like your sis is dominating all things here and possibly exercising more control over your mum than might have thought.

I can't recall how difficult the relationship with your mum is/ was and how vulnerable mentally she is to your sister.

Do you want to see her? Really genuinely want to? Or is it because you think you should and it's the right thing. Either of which of course I understand.

@Dogaredabomb Ive emailed adult social services to see if they can tell me if she's in there or if there's any court order preventing me from knowing where dm is and me and her gc visiting her if she wants us to I was tempted to email the care home with my birth certificate passport and a photo of me and dm but thought that might not be wise and i may come across as unhinged

@Pleaseshutthefuckup I don't know if I want to see dm or not but I should have the choice I don't know what I would want to say do I say i love you thank you for an amazing childhood I've had and being an active part in my children life or I am hurt and disappointed in you that you have allowed dsis to manipulate you and treat me and my dc as you have done when you have had numerous opportunities to say things aren't right with ss and police involvement. I blame dsis but ultimately had to accept dm was happy to go along with it I don't know about dm capacity she was very repetitive worse than my mil who had dementia but that might of been old age or as she has heart failure lack of oxygen

@Spendysis what on earth made your dsis behave like this? It’s such a long time to carry on her behaviour. I don’t understand your mum’s willingness unless she had lost control over her own mind. Was she unwell from the very beginning. Is your sis intensely jealous of you and she knows it’s the one thing she can control that will guarantee hurt for you. I don’t understand how a person could be so cruel and get away with it.

It's money and fury at being questioned about siphoning it and determination to get the rest.

It’s madness and to keep hold of that madness for so long.

We've seen bitterness and madness over and over though haven't we.

Can I ask how does Adhd manifest in an adult. Currently with my eldest and he's so exhausting!!!!

I suppose, it’s just so planned and thought out, it’s another level.

In my own case ADHD has me paralysed often. When there are so many thoughts my body will shut down so that I’m not capable of doing any. I’ll procrastinate and choose an easy task to distract me of the one I need to do. Thousands of thoughts at lightning speed. Emotionally it’s hard to deal with feelings, they pile on top of each other or I squash them down as I don’t know how to deal with them. Rejection sensitivity can be bad if I don’t get a handle of it. Routines help. Brain automatically goes to the negative, what will go wrong etc. Forget everything, appointments get missed. Mood can be up and down, dopamine is lacking so choosing things that lift it. Some people go thrill seeking, addictions etc just to raise the dopamine. If it’s low then you don’t want to do much so mimics bi-polar.