Do you think you need friends to be happy?

[cor97]

I've always found it difficult to make friends, even more so as I've got older. I'm still young (late 20s), but it often feels like I'm never going to make any genuine friendships. Don't get me wrong, I've had friends that come and go, but none that have lasted. And after a recent bad experience with a so called "friend" I decided I'd had enough. I have a DP and DD who I love dearly, and that provides me with so much. But often I wonder if my life is lacking... I just can't decide if that's due to a lack of friendships or if its something else. I've had a lot of trauma and hardships in my life, so I'm naturally weary of most people. I have work colleagues who I just couldn't ever consider friends. They can be lovely, but there's no "connection" there, it all feels so superficial. Not to mention most people seem to be quite two faced, and that puts me off the idea of a friendship completely. So what do you think? Do you need friends to be happy?

Op am older 50s. I have few friends but people flaky now. You suggest dates to meet no reply. Sister same a school reunion date changed 3 times. I have a friend who I do cinema with. Other than that I seem to be one always making the efforts...

If you are the common denominator, then perhaps seek therapy. This could give you some insight into why your friendships aren’t working, could be your expectations or the kind of people that you are drawn to.
Therapy changed my life, but it’s a slow process.

I do. But I know people who appear not to.

I think it's definitely quality and not quantity when it comes to friendships .
I'm in my early 50s and I've got 4 friends who I really trust . One of them is my best friend and I know she'd hide the body for me !
I agree that people can be flaky though . I just haven't got the energy to bother with time wasters .
And I find that by this age you can't be bothered with any nonsense and piss taking .

You don’t need a roomful of friends, all you need is a couple of what I call ‘bodyshifters’…people that you can call up at 3am to say you’ve got a dead body and they’ll show up with a shovel, no judgement and they take the secret to their graves! 🤭 quality over quantity when it comes to friends. Also, comfortable as it is to rely of your partner and child for friendship…bear in mind that kids grow up and leave to lead their own lives…and partners sometimes leave too or, in my case, die suddenly and unexpectedly 😔 and it’s been my close friends that have held me up and supported me and helped me through my grief..

Agree Bernie I wont take crap now or the must catch up soon xx ones lol. Havent energy Im 52

I have Facebook friends whose children went through primary school or sports clubs with mine, and who now have DGC the same ages as mine, but not since I was 16 have I had a friend I would go out with, or meet for coffee, or talk to on the phone. I’m happy alone.

I think it’s incredibly foolish to rely on your partner and your child to fulfil all your social and emotional needs. It can put huge amounts of pressure on your relationship and means that if your relationship ever ends, you will find yourself with nothing.

I personally don’t understand why anyone would limit their life in such a way - don’t you want more than that?

I'm not a sociable person, I don't enjoy "going out". But I like to have "people", friendship rather than friends you do things with.
I know all my neighbours, would not dream of going out for a drink together or calling them friends, but if a pipe burst or the fence fell over, I could call on any of them to help, as they do with me - I'm 60 and the techiest, so I get asked to help with phones, telly set up etc, also willing to babysit.
So I think it is important to have people in my life, not necessarily friends.

I’ve just drifted apart from the last of mine, it wasn’t being me joy anymore.

I have a busy life and socialising takes too much mental energy for me that I dreaded it anyway.

I need my friends! Life would be far, far less fulfilling without them.

I find my Husband has lots of friends but on a much more superficial level. I have much fewer, but they are much stronger closer relationships.

I think friends are important as you should not rely on partners & children alone. I have several different friendship group's & think I'm a good friend but I am quite guarded due to being let down very badly by a lifelong friend, it's definitely made me more insular & I am working very hard to not be.

I think friendships are much more than socialising. I see my school friends about 2-3 times a year due to distance, sometimes we have an evening in the pub and other times it’s a catch up with a quick cup of tea. We are very close friends who have supported each other through bereavement, illness, mental ill health and other things.

I think some people see friendships as girly weekends away with Prosecco and dancing around your handbag but sometimes it’s sending care packages to hospitals, going to funerals to support and ‘you ok’ messages when you’ve been quiet.

For me, friendships are essential. to expect my partner and DC to meet all my needs is too much.

But I'm wondering if you have a skewed view of friendships. Have you heard the saying, "Friends for a reason, a season and a lifetime"?

I think it's a really helpful way of looking at friendships. Not all friendships have to be the kind that will last forever, with people you'd call at 3 am to help you bury the body. Lots of friendships are less intense.

I have close friends who are my 100% to-go people, some of whom I see often, some I don't, but all are in semi-regular contact. (lifetime)

I have close friends I almost never see or speak to but when we do get together it's like no time has passed and any one of them could ring me up and ask for a favour at any time (and vice versa) and i wouldn't blink. (also lifetime, but different)

I have lots of season friends too. Ones who are currently in the same "boat" as me - mum friends often fall into this category. We get on well, we have fun, we support each other - practically and emotionally. But I'm not fully up to speed on the intricacies of their family lives, I wouldn't just let myself into their house when I know they're sick etc.

And then reason friends tend to be people you share things with like a hobby, or work or whatever. These are great friends too, but they're not the ones you ask to pick your sick child up from school, nor are they the ones you call when your mum dies.

Yes def takes alot efforts. My school friend is top of list just a good support. Dinners drop off when our dad sick. Amazing. My other friend has just me and husband. Thats not healthy but think she likes her own company

I think that most women do need female friends but I don't think that it's necessarily 'normal' to have friends for life.
My experience of friendships is that they change over the decades (I am now late 60s) and that it's ok to kindly distance yourself from those you have grown apart from.
I have moved house several times and, being a dog walker, I have always found a tribe of like-minded, funny, generous, incredibly supportive and occasionally eccentric women of roughly the same age. I know that some or all of us will move away eventually and so these are probably temporary friendships but that's completely ok.
Dog walking obviously isn't for everyone.

One good friend is worth a million rubbish ones. You will find the one x

@cor97 In answer to your Q, I don’t think you need friends to be happy but they can certainly enhance your existing levels of happiness if that makes sense?!

Like you I’ve struggled my entire life with this also and friends have come and gone. I probably only see one friend from a previous job but it’s very superficial but still I see her maybe once a year.

I live alone with no friends/family network so for me I would like friends. I am on a work WhatsApp group but we’re all over over the country due to the nature of my job and if anything it feels depressing to be part of it as they’re always doing things with friends etc so I’m just a silent observer really lol.

Since I split with my controlling ex, I’ve realised that it’s up to me to find my own happiness so that’s what I’m trying to do. I’m fine with my own company it’s just that every birthday goes unmarked, every Christmas goes by also with no one to go out with. I did try meet up friendship groups etc but find that even there they have preferred cliques! Also I’ve had a few experiences where people just ‘use’ me to trauma dump only but are not available for me if I have an issue requiring a chat or if I suggest something it’s never taken up. In the end it was just mentally exhausting so am looking into just being independent and learning how to be happy alone. It’s hard only because if your not very confident like me you do risk becoming a prisoner in your home.

im glad you have your DH and DD so sorry I’ve been a bit long winded but especially for you, I’d say no you do t actually need friends for happiness. Everyone has the potential for some level of happiness in their lives - it just won’t necessarily look like everyone else’s 😌

I don't think I need friends but I think I'd like one or two. Sadly proper friends are very hard to come by. I've had a very tough few months and it's really shown who is genuinely a friend or not as the case has been. Adult friendships are incredibly difficult to create and maintain in my experience.

I don't need friends. I'm 40 and spent my whole life trying to have proper friendships and as soon as I stop making the effort I don't hear from them again.
I think male and female friendships are different, we get hurt more than male friends.
I do have people that you could confuse for friends when meeting up in big groups, husbands friends wives etc but I know the connection isn't with me so to me it's not a real or deep friendship.
I also chat away to neibours, clients etc but I know I couldn't ring them at 2am in an emergency.
I've realised that's fine, I see people, chat away, enjoy their company but expect nothing more from them.
I'm loovveee my own company, I'm off on a solo holiday today, so excited!
I could go places with people but I tend to leave feeling a bit deflated and sometimes anxious, I love having a day out with my sister though. X

I honestly barely need friends. I'm 41 so old enough to know my own mind.

If I book a week off of work, for instance, it won't even occur to me that I should maybe see a friend. I'll fill the time with hiking, dog walks, the gym, films, home organisation projects, gardening, cooking, getting my hair cut, and then at the end of the week think "Oh shit, a normal person might have tried to be sociable, but I forgot!"

Don't get me wrong, social isolation is no good for anyone, and I've got a few mates who I meet for a coffee/drink every now and again. But I'm truly happiest pottering around doing my own thing.

Youve put that beautifully. I feel the same, I've got lots of lovely things to do I don't think that I need to invite anyone because I dont particularly think it improves it at all x

Honestly, I have loads of friends and I'd still do this! I don't think loving time alone means you can't have friends. My life is so busy that even just a long weekend with NO PEOPLE sounds like absolute bliss to me. But I love having friends too.