DH can be mean, but I don't think he means to.

[Ethicaldebacle]

DH and I come from completely different career backgrounds he has a manual job (NMW), and barely finished his GCSEs.

I have two degrees, a masters, and I work in tech in somewhat senior roles.

Normally the difference is not an issue, but sometimes it is, like it is right now. I have been made redundant and he has said such things as "maybe there's something to it other than they don't need your role" or yesterday he told me that "maybe I got lucky with my first company, but I'm really not at that level" , "nobody would hire you because you don't have the experience" or the worst one when I was talking to him how I manage projects.. "how can you even have a job?"

I know he was tired and had a headache and I bombarded him with all the things the very nice career coach had told me, but to me it still feels he shouldn't have said any of that.

I know I'm not perfect (I corrected him about the use of the word "seldomly") - but generally I don't do it, and if I do it's more like a "random fact of the day".

Is he panicking because for years you’ve been picking up more of the financial load and subsidising his lifestyle and now he might be expected to do more?

Good luck with your job search, it is tough at the moment, but there is stuff out there. Don’t let his negativity affect your mindset.

Not now when you have so much going on, but when you have a new job and are settled look at what you want from a partner? Someone supportive? Someone to fight in your corner? Someone to lift your mood? He sounds like a right prick, and a lazy one at that.

He clearly feels intimated and is deliberately putting you down

What is the rest of your marriage like? I used to think it didn't matter if each had very different educational qualifications, but the older I get, the more I think it does matter, although I'm sure I'll get flamed for saying it. My ex was semi educated and it coloured everything he said and did. It's to do with how you see the world. He sounds resentful of you. Maybe you're just not suited.

He has an inferiority complex. Next time he makes a comment like that say "im a senior professional with multiple degrees, with all due respect I think i know what I'm doing"

That's a lot of mean comments, and you're saying he doesn't mean to be mean? I can't interpret any of them in a positive light.

Does he think you're inexperienced and not very clever? Does he look down on you? How on earth does he assimilate you having two degrees and a masters with it being sheer luck that you get these roles?

The rest of our marriage is pretty blissful. He's thoughtful, and considerate.

I don't think it's so much the financial pressure (were ok thanks to an inheritance) but more than he knows that if I can't get a remote job, I'll start making noises that we need to move.

Be careful, OP, I think you're being negged.

Is moving a recurring debate between you two?

By a loser. That she's married to.
Sort the job out first, but don't forget how deliberately unhelpful DH was at this difficult time.

He doesn't mean to be mean? Is he stupid then? Because I fail to see how you can 'accidentally' say such shitty things to your wife.

Yes it is. To him it started as a red line, and now we're definitely moving in 4 years, but obviously I need to have a job during that time that would let me progress my career.

He's mentioned in the past that if we do t have a choice then we'll have to look at moving, but I'm not so sure how truthful he's being.

He sounds like he is goading you and as someone who has just realised someone in my life is like this I say reevaluate your partnership with him. The things he once found attractive in you and looked up to in you clearly are things he is intimidated by and sounds like he has been building it up inside for years and now it looks to him like you are failing somehow he is enjoying the process rather than being supportive.

What he's saying is awful. How can your relationship be 'blissful' when he puts you down and won't allow you to move?

He earns minimum wage? Is there no career progression is the field in which he works? There's nothing wrong with starting on NMW but most people do move up in seniority and therefore pay across their career? Unless he's only been in that role a short time?

Or maybe he just thought he doesn't need to bother as you'll foot the bill. He's now shitting it that he might have to pull his socks up and take some responsibility.

Tell him, yeah, you're right, I'm absolute crap at my job and I'm going on the sick. See if he still wants to hang around then?

Well not really, unless you're some sort of manager. It's al manual work and no certifications.

I'm struggling to think of work that only ever pays minimum wage, no matter how long you do it for? Sorry, he sounds like a fucking loser. With a bloody awful attitude.

That’s a lot of nasty comments. If he’s really never done this before, ask him to stop and be mindful of his actions in this time.

Suggest seeking support from elsewhere while you job seek.

It sounds like he is jealous of your success and is gloating a little at you being 'brought down'.

He's negging you. He's also intimidated by your success and is most likely not displeased that you've been knocked down a peg or 2.

Does he make thoughtless/nasty comments to anyone else besides you?

Think cleaner/valeter type of job

Ok, fair enough. But even cleaners can manage other cleaners, be a cleaning supervisor? Even set up your own business if you've got experience and good references?
It just seems to show how little ambition he has. I can't help thinking he's sponging off you.

He’s putting you down because he struggles with you being more successful than him. I wouldn’t bank on the moving it’s likely he agreed to keep the peace

He openly says he has zero ambition. That has never really bothered me (as long as he gets that I definitely am).

He is threatened by you and also mansplaining YOUR INDUSTRY to YOU.

I assume you don’t do the same to him?