DH can be mean, but I don't think he means to.

[Ethicaldebacle]

DH and I come from completely different career backgrounds he has a manual job (NMW), and barely finished his GCSEs.

I have two degrees, a masters, and I work in tech in somewhat senior roles.

Normally the difference is not an issue, but sometimes it is, like it is right now. I have been made redundant and he has said such things as "maybe there's something to it other than they don't need your role" or yesterday he told me that "maybe I got lucky with my first company, but I'm really not at that level" , "nobody would hire you because you don't have the experience" or the worst one when I was talking to him how I manage projects.. "how can you even have a job?"

I know he was tired and had a headache and I bombarded him with all the things the very nice career coach had told me, but to me it still feels he shouldn't have said any of that.

I know I'm not perfect (I corrected him about the use of the word "seldomly") - but generally I don't do it, and if I do it's more like a "random fact of the day".

The problem with that stance is that you can’t win.

He says that you don’t need career coaches, support groups or courses because you can get another job on your own. Of course you probably can, but the dilemma then becomes:

You listen to your OH and choose not to seek additional support- you could be losing out on learning great skills and techniques to apply to the next role you aim for.

You don’t listen to your OH and seek out additional support: it leaves the situation open for him to make remarks about how you never got the job on your own merit, because you had “so much help”.

His lack of ambition is not the issue, nor is the fact that he doesn’t understand your work itself.
The issue is the fact that he thinks it’s ok to make these sort of comments to you.

I think his comment about the career coaches is that every time I've been in touch with one (or when I hired a CV writer) I ended up with no results. Went re-wrote it myself and then got results.

I've finally got a wonderful career coach through a charity that actually knows his stuff, and he hasn't said anything negative about it. If anything he's very relieved that finally someone is able to untangle my menta cobwebs

You’re very understanding of his utter contempt of you and your career. I’m sorry, OP. I’m glad your children are inspired by you and not poisoned by him.

Maybe he should spent less time worry and analysing your mental cobwebs and more time putting the same energy into reflecting on HIS career

That's definitely out of context. I think part of our friction is that I don't have an "equal" to talk about my debacles.

Which is why he's relieved (and so I am!) I spend years and years going to therapy with no better understanding of my "professional" mental cobwebs and this coach gave me meaningful feedback in just one hour!

You don’t need a masters degree to have basic emotional adult emotional intelligence. Academic intelligence and emotional intelligence are two completely different things. Plenty of people in minimum wage jobs are kind, supportive, open minded and understanding. He either knows what he is saying is mean or he doesn’t- I’m not sure which is worse.

Unambitious man with a "live and let live" attitude to more conventionally successful people = slacker. Not very dateable/marriageable, but perfectly fine and harmless.

Unambitious man who uses nasty barbed remarks to try to tear others down = loser. Avoid.