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Original poster

Partner asking for declaration of trust before we get married

87 replies

Candleinalantern · 07/05/2025 17:54

I have lived with my partner for nearly 2 years, we currently share all our finances with all our wages going into one account and all outgoings coming out of the same account, works quite well for us. We have 6 kids between us, I have 2, he has 6 and we share custody 50/50 of all the kids with our ex’s. He earns more than me with his salary being 62% of our total monthly income. It has always felt equal to me as he may earn more but has more kids (rightly or wrongly).

Now a year ago I sold my property, it was needing money spending on it and we said we would use the equity I earned to pay a part off the remaining mortgage on his property, we have the money in a savings account and we are currently saving up to pay off the remainder of the mortgage.

He has recently proposed to me and we are planning on getting married this year, however, he has recently asked me for declaration of trust for his own security in case we get divorced. This is fine as he has a lot more equity in the property than my contribution is but after thinking about it I can’t help feeling that I wish I had of just kept my property and rented it out and he could have had the house we are currently living in for him/his kids and I could have kept mine for me/my kids. I obviously would have contributed to bills etc in his house but it’s just made me feel that I while he is thinking about what’s best for him I need to think about what would be best for me. Can anyone offer any advice?

I am previously divorced and I find it hard coming from being in a marriage where everything was just ours together 50/50 no matter what to we can share a life together but not everything. I have no intention of getting divorced or ever taking more than what I have contributed/entitled to. I know he should protect himself but it just leaves a sour taste and I suppose it makes me feel we are never going to be equal. I just don’t know what the best way forward is and would appreciate any advice anyone may have.

OP posts:
MostlyHappyMummy · 07/05/2025 17:56

You are going to pay his mortgage off with your house sale money?

Nousernamesleftatall · 07/05/2025 17:57

So you would help pay of his mortgage with the equity from your house and some savings but not be entitled to any stake? I would buy a rental with your equity to leave to your children.

Coconutter24 · 07/05/2025 18:01

I would only go along with it provided your equity is safe. If the worst happens you get back your money that you used to pay his mortgage.

Original poster
Candleinalantern · 07/05/2025 18:03

I pipe be entitled to a percentage share which seems fair but just regretting my decision really and wondering if it’s better to just buy another property

OP posts:
Piggled · 07/05/2025 18:05

I’m a family lawyer - the only way to even attempt to ring fence assets in the event of a divorce is a prenup and / or post nup and they aren’t 100% binding. Declarations of trust don’t mean anything, it wouldn’t be binding on the family court if you were to marry. Only relevant if you don’t get married.

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 07/05/2025 18:07

I think you have been silly tbh. You are still in the honeymoon phase sold your house moved jn with him share your money with him he gets more money he has a babysitter sex on tap and a cleaner.

I would go back to having your own account and put half of the bill money in a joint account for bills.

Do not buy his home. Buy elsewhere or in an account out of sight out of mind as a nest egg or you buy together a new house do not buy into his.

AyeRobot · 07/05/2025 18:08

Nothing wrong with each of you protecting your interests. Surely, having been divorced you know that there isn't always a happy ending?

In the meantime, get your money into a savings account in your sole name. You do realise that he could take the lot if it's a joint account?

Madmother63 · 07/05/2025 18:10

I personally would buy another property and rent it out. My DH and I are married, but have our own houses. We live in mine and rent his out. Both of us having been divorced before, are very wary of not owning our own house. We both benefit/use the rental money then. We have wills, leaving each of our houses for our respective adult children as at some point, one of us will die (You have to be practical) Go with your gut feeling. Please don't leave yourself vulnerable.

reesewithoutaspoon · 07/05/2025 18:12

Do not buy into his house. What happens in the event of a split. You would have no savings to move out and buy or rent your own place until he sold the house. It would be messy.
I know you say you would never get divorced, but honestly in this day and age you need to protect yourself and your childrens future in case of that eventuality. You really don't want to be starting again at a later age.

Jadorelabrador · 07/05/2025 18:14

But your own house - do not marry. Leave the house to your children and your pension and life insurance.

pay a share of the bills in his and not 50/50 more like 25% of the bills and review regularly. He has x3 as many kids and mouths to feed and they cost!

pikkumyy77 · 07/05/2025 18:15

Aside from the other advice here the house is the one asset that quietly appreciates in value if you have the luck (of location ) and the ability to defer gratification and spend on upkeep. People are gambling, when they invest in real estate. He wants to benefit from the gamble you took on your first house and use that money without letting you assume the rewards in terms of equity later. But during the lifetime of the relationship—and right now—you are taking an enormous risk in terms of cost and upkeep. Is he going to put in 70 percent of all roof repairs? Is he going to demand 70!percent decision making?

There is an opportunity cost to merging your finances in this real estate. You could put tour money into a place just for you and your heirs. So you are sacrificing that security but accepting a lower rate if return on your investment in “his” house.

In effect he is socializing the risk (upkeep costs) and privatizing the reward (division of assets later).

What if you never divorce but he dies first—is he going to expect you to be a pensioner of his children? All these issues need to be considered. Not just “what if divorce?”

Chonk · 07/05/2025 18:16

How long were you together before living together? Why the rush to be married? You could end up leaving your kids with nothing, as he'd inherit everything should the worst happen.

onwards2025 · 07/05/2025 18:25

As others have said - if you are getting married the declaration of trust won't do what he thinks it will, it only works if you remain unmarried

blubbyblub · 07/05/2025 18:31

Jadorelabrador · 07/05/2025 18:14

But your own house - do not marry. Leave the house to your children and your pension and life insurance.

pay a share of the bills in his and not 50/50 more like 25% of the bills and review regularly. He has x3 as many kids and mouths to feed and they cost!

But then to be fair op should be paying rent to live in his house. After all she’s getting housing for her and her dc provided for by him.

she will pay a share of bills but she would be paying that anywhere. So wafts he getting out of it? She’s getting a home to live in and income from her rented out house v

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/05/2025 18:33

You can also protect your equity. However you also need to think about and make wills for the children. Will they get 1/6 each or is it half half between your kids and his kids?

blubbyblub · 07/05/2025 18:42

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/05/2025 18:33

You can also protect your equity. However you also need to think about and make wills for the children. Will they get 1/6 each or is it half half between your kids and his kids?

Surely her dc get her percentage of the assets and his get his percentage

Middlechild3 · 07/05/2025 18:49

God don't put your money into his property, when will women learn! Just as he wants to protect his assets make sure you protect yours, no "I trust him" legally, protect yours.

DaringAquaEagle · 07/05/2025 19:12

Piggled · 07/05/2025 18:05

I’m a family lawyer - the only way to even attempt to ring fence assets in the event of a divorce is a prenup and / or post nup and they aren’t 100% binding. Declarations of trust don’t mean anything, it wouldn’t be binding on the family court if you were to marry. Only relevant if you don’t get married.

I was about to jump on and say exactly this as a private client lawyer

MiniCoopers · 07/05/2025 19:49

Please do not put your money into his property! Use it to buy somewhere independent of him.

foreverblowingbubbless · 08/05/2025 03:12

How many children? Your numbers don't add up.

HomeTheatreSystem · 08/05/2025 05:43

You both need to protect your original investments as you both have your own kids. There is a Deed of Trust which you can use to ensure that what you invested in his house from your house sale is returned to you in the event the relationship fails. Really though you should take legal advice to protect both your interests and if you can happily agree on this you won't feel as if you are at a disadvantage. You also need to run through a few "what if" scenarios and think about what should happen then (premature death of either one of you, disability affecting ability to work, divorce etc).

You are looking at a second marriage where there are commitments by each of you to your pre-existing children and significant assets brought into the equation by both parties so of course it will feel very different and a much more complicated set up than the first which it is.

beAsensible1 · 08/05/2025 05:47

Candleinalantern · 07/05/2025 18:03

I pipe be entitled to a percentage share which seems fair but just regretting my decision really and wondering if it’s better to just buy another property

Yes get another property for yourself and children.

and let the house be his and contribute to bills

Zanatdy · 08/05/2025 06:07

Definitely buy another property, and do not use this money to help pay off his mortgage. You can then leave the house to your kids and not split amongst 6 kids. Keep that independence.

whynotmereally · 08/05/2025 06:10

i wouldn’t pay a penny into anything that didn’t have my name on it. If you are getting married the mortgage should be joint names

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 08/05/2025 06:23

Buy another property just for you . Just in case. If you spend any time on the blended/ step family boards to see / think what happens when your kids no longer like have a stepdad or step siblings you and they will be trapped