Partner asking for declaration of trust before we get married

[Candleinalantern]

I have lived with my partner for nearly 2 years, we currently share all our finances with all our wages going into one account and all outgoings coming out of the same account, works quite well for us. We have 6 kids between us, I have 2, he has 6 and we share custody 50/50 of all the kids with our ex’s. He earns more than me with his salary being 62% of our total monthly income. It has always felt equal to me as he may earn more but has more kids (rightly or wrongly).

Now a year ago I sold my property, it was needing money spending on it and we said we would use the equity I earned to pay a part off the remaining mortgage on his property, we have the money in a savings account and we are currently saving up to pay off the remainder of the mortgage.

He has recently proposed to me and we are planning on getting married this year, however, he has recently asked me for declaration of trust for his own security in case we get divorced. This is fine as he has a lot more equity in the property than my contribution is but after thinking about it I can’t help feeling that I wish I had of just kept my property and rented it out and he could have had the house we are currently living in for him/his kids and I could have kept mine for me/my kids. I obviously would have contributed to bills etc in his house but it’s just made me feel that I while he is thinking about what’s best for him I need to think about what would be best for me. Can anyone offer any advice?

I am previously divorced and I find it hard coming from being in a marriage where everything was just ours together 50/50 no matter what to we can share a life together but not everything. I have no intention of getting divorced or ever taking more than what I have contributed/entitled to. I know he should protect himself but it just leaves a sour taste and I suppose it makes me feel we are never going to be equal. I just don’t know what the best way forward is and would appreciate any advice anyone may have.

He has four kids, OP said six was a typo. Also if OP is getting a share of his equity by paying down the mortgage it’s not such a crazy deal as people seem to be suggesting. Of course he wants to protect his bigger share - why wouldn’t he? But he’s not saying pay off my mortgage and get nothing - he’s offering her a share commensurate with what she’s putting in.
He seems the wealthier in this - he’s the one who is more likely to be stung by marriage. From a purely economic perspective, marriage probably is in OP’s interests, not so much in her DP’s depending on what the difference is between their capital assets.

And if a man wanting to protect the equity he’s built up over the years is a red flag then surely the OP wanting to protect her own financial position is an equally big red flag. Of course, it’s not a red flag for either of them - it’s completely normal. What sort of nutcase gives away half the equity in their home in return for a 10% payment of the mortgage (obviously I don’t know the figures but I doubt the OP has enough to buy out half)?

Do you really want/need to get married?
Why not just keep your assets/ equity separate - in your own names and ring-fenced for your own kids - and share income/ outgoings for the day to day expenses of life.
Then if you split up or one of you dies it’s more straightforward.
#unromantic

My fear, here, is that you pay off his mortgage on his house with your money.
Then (sorry!) you die.
He now owns the whole lot.
When he dies it all goes to his kids and yours get nothing.

Keep your own equity separate and in your name only, for your kids. Don’t get married or it’ll all go to him if you die.

Seriously don’t see the point of getting married when you have separate children. Also, God forbid OP was to die early, and the future DH lives to be 100. Her kids wouldn’t see their inheritance until they’re OAPs if it’s all tied up in a joint mortgage.

Completely untrue. It may have a reduced effect but it still shows intention. They are not revoked in the same way that wills are upon marriage (if not having been made in contemplation of marriage).

OP, ignore the hysteria. We draw these documents up at work all the time and they are often asked for in the same circumstances as yours. You both need to protect your respective shares in any equity, especially as you have separate children. It’s perfectly normal!

Please ignore the “family lawyer” who has posted suggesting a prenup. These have very little legal weight in the UK. You’re much better off sorting out the DOT. Find a wills and probate solicitor (yes, really) to draw one up for you and give you full advice.

What do you mean by declaration of trust, @Candleinalantern ? Is that like a vow that you are faithful together? Isn't that what marriage is? Declaring trust in each other and to be faithful?

Well that’s not true because prenups will be upheld unless you can prove it would be unfair to do so. The law changed in 2010 on this point.

The test is not fairness it is needs based

I’m in the process of selling my rental property, it’s become a bit of a nightmare renting it out. The screws have been tightened on landlords and there are a lot of certifications required gas, electric, EPC will need to be at least C in a few years time. The renters rights bill is due to become law this year. There’s no just about renting out

Buy another property- there is something thats worrying you about your decision so trust your gut feeling and get another house for you and your kids x

Invest into a commercial property. You can use your pension as well to make it a bigger investment. Then rent out. I wouldn’t rent out to residential too many bad tenants to be stuck with. With commercial property you can rid of non paying renters in a month. It’s costs money but you never have to deal with sob stories while you don’t get paid rent, your property gets ruined and they use every trick to stay put. Remember a full insuring and repairing lease, they’re liable.