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Original poster

Are faithful men a myth?

143 replies

Blissfultiggy · 07/05/2025 12:06

Do you think there’s any loyal and faithful men out there?

OP posts:
hmmmmmmm1990 · 07/05/2025 14:01

Well as a divorced woman in her early 40s, who had never cheated or been cheated on (as far as I knew), I was shocked by how many of the married men I knew tried it on with me. Their wives would be on here saying ’my husband wouldn’t’. And how can you know what your Dad or brother would do ffs?

KStockHERO · 07/05/2025 14:05

They exist but they are in the very, very, very small minority, and are happily partnered/married

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 07/05/2025 14:20

Well, 19 years in and I haven't cheated yet.

Personally, I don't think anybody can truthfully say "I would never cheat on my partner".

I think there are 3 types of people in the world.

Ones who are happy to cheat and lie and don't feel bad about it. - This is my Dad. He's a knobhead, so lets move on.

Ones who know they are capable of it, but do their best to ensure it doesn't happen. - This is me. I'm probably not really all that monogamous. I don't in theory see anything wrong with sleeping with multiple people. I don't really see anything wrong with cheating as an act either.

What is wrong however is hurting your partner. My DP would be very very hurt if I cheated on her. Now, I could get around that by having her never find out. Except that I'm not stupid enough to believe that the perfect crime exists. I could be halfway around the planet cheating with someone with no connection to be or DP, and there's still a chance she'd find out somehow. Maybe I'd get an STI, maybe my phone would accidentally butt-dial her while I was in the act. Who knows. But that's what stops me cheating, not the "This is wrong, I shouldn't do it", but the "This has a chance of hurting DP, so I am unwilling to do it."

The final type of people are the ones who say "I would never cheat" and truly believe it. Whether for religious reasons, moral ones, whatever, they truly believe they're incapable of cheating. This was DP, right up until the moment she found herself teetering on the cliff-edge of an affair. She wasn't even knowingly unhappy in our relationship at the time, someone just paid her the right kind of attention at a time she was feeling particularly emotionally vulnerable and suddenly she had one foot over the abyss.

I reckon this last category, the ones who "think they could never", probably end up being less faithful overall than the ones who know they could but try not to.

Bbq1 · 07/05/2025 15:09

My dad was, my dh is and I know several more faithful men. . Women can be unfaithful too, it's not limited to men. .

ToadRage · 07/05/2025 15:14

My Dad was faithful throughout my parents 28 year marriage before he died in 2011. My husband has been faithful to me for 20 years, he is also very loyal, I offered him an out when I was diagnosed with and incurable condition and he said he knew what he signed up for when he married me and was fully prepared to be my carer.

User32459 · 07/05/2025 15:16

ukathleticscoach · 07/05/2025 13:22

Are all these men cheating with single women!

It takes 2 to tango

I think statistically more women cheat than men. Women do have a lot more opportunity though. Most men would never get the opportunity to cheat in the first place, so have never been tested.

MyLegoHair · 07/05/2025 15:20

Yes of course they do.

You can't know 100% that any specific man will/did stay faithful for his entire life or what they would do under lots of different circumstances. Much like women really. But many many are and do stay faithful, and "cheating scumbags" is only a subcategory of men.

CleanShirt · 07/05/2025 15:23

I used to think that existed and that I had found and married one, until he did.

As Katherine Ryan said, most men are one stupid mistake away from blowing up their lives.

Anothercoat · 07/05/2025 15:24

I think a lot of men are as faithful as their options. And they also don’t think of sex/a quick shag as anything like as significant as most women do. And are then astounded when their lives blow up over something which genuinely meant nothing to them.

Caffeineneedednow · 07/05/2025 15:25

I think I'm an outlier on mumsnet but in real life I know more women who cheat then men. Often towards the end of a relationship where they basically line up the next one.

I know loyal men of which my husband is one but also know many others.

ItGhoul · 07/05/2025 15:27

Of course there are plenty of men who never cheat, just like there are plenty of women who never cheat.

BennyBee · 07/05/2025 15:40

hmmmmmmm1990 · 07/05/2025 14:01

Well as a divorced woman in her early 40s, who had never cheated or been cheated on (as far as I knew), I was shocked by how many of the married men I knew tried it on with me. Their wives would be on here saying ’my husband wouldn’t’. And how can you know what your Dad or brother would do ffs?

Same. So many unhappy, lonely married men.

Almostwelsh · 07/05/2025 15:51

BennyBee · 07/05/2025 15:40

Same. So many unhappy, lonely married men.

Show quote history

I don't think men have to be lonely or unhappy to fancy a bit on the side.

Almostwelsh · 07/05/2025 15:54

Anothercoat · 07/05/2025 15:24

I think a lot of men are as faithful as their options. And they also don’t think of sex/a quick shag as anything like as significant as most women do. And are then astounded when their lives blow up over something which genuinely meant nothing to them.

I don't think they would believe it meant nothing if their wife did it and they found out. They know it's not nothing.

MsCactus · 07/05/2025 15:55

Epilepsystruggle · 07/05/2025 12:36

Yes but it's relationship and person dependant. Circumstances can mean people you'd never ever think would cheat.. cheat. Both men and women.

Also and I know this sounds mean/shallow but a lot of the men I know that are very loyal and faithful aren't particularly attractive and would probably never get the opportunity to cheat even if they wanted too.

I read once 'men are as faithful as their options' which I think there's a little truth too. 55 year old Gary who's obese with a comb over, bad teeth and body odour may never have the opportunity to cheat on his wife as nobody would even glance in his direction. So his wife thinks he's loyal. However if Gary had a slim and gorgeous 25 year old fawning after him then maybe Gary would. Yet his wife thinks she's bagged a 'good one'.

You'll never really know unless that person has ample opportunity with very attractive people to choose from at any given time.

There's actually studies into this - and people are way more likely to cheat when presented with the opportunity, more so than anything to do with their character.

But women cheat just as often as men, so it's not an "all men" thing

MsCactus · 07/05/2025 15:58

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 07/05/2025 14:20

Well, 19 years in and I haven't cheated yet.

Personally, I don't think anybody can truthfully say "I would never cheat on my partner".

I think there are 3 types of people in the world.

Ones who are happy to cheat and lie and don't feel bad about it. - This is my Dad. He's a knobhead, so lets move on.

Ones who know they are capable of it, but do their best to ensure it doesn't happen. - This is me. I'm probably not really all that monogamous. I don't in theory see anything wrong with sleeping with multiple people. I don't really see anything wrong with cheating as an act either.

What is wrong however is hurting your partner. My DP would be very very hurt if I cheated on her. Now, I could get around that by having her never find out. Except that I'm not stupid enough to believe that the perfect crime exists. I could be halfway around the planet cheating with someone with no connection to be or DP, and there's still a chance she'd find out somehow. Maybe I'd get an STI, maybe my phone would accidentally butt-dial her while I was in the act. Who knows. But that's what stops me cheating, not the "This is wrong, I shouldn't do it", but the "This has a chance of hurting DP, so I am unwilling to do it."

The final type of people are the ones who say "I would never cheat" and truly believe it. Whether for religious reasons, moral ones, whatever, they truly believe they're incapable of cheating. This was DP, right up until the moment she found herself teetering on the cliff-edge of an affair. She wasn't even knowingly unhappy in our relationship at the time, someone just paid her the right kind of attention at a time she was feeling particularly emotionally vulnerable and suddenly she had one foot over the abyss.

I reckon this last category, the ones who "think they could never", probably end up being less faithful overall than the ones who know they could but try not to.

Ones who know they are capable of it, but do their best to ensure it doesn't happen. - This is me. I'm probably not really all that monogamous. I don't in theory see anything wrong with sleeping with multiple people. I don't really see anything wrong with cheating as an act either.

This is absolutely me. I fancy people so easily and have had lots of opportunities, but have (so far, fingers crossed) remained faithful as I adore my DP.

bellinisurge · 07/05/2025 16:00

My Dad. My husband. My brother. My brothers-in-law. My father-in-law.

stayathomer · 07/05/2025 16:01

Jesus op I don’t have a lot of faith in men at the mo but I’d never assume the majority of half of the world have bad intentions or are liable to cheat!!!!!

zeddybrek · 07/05/2025 16:02

There are still so many chat rooms online filled with married men. I was looking for a chat forum for a niche hobby and it wasn't what I expected. It really opened my eyes. They will always find a way.

CarpetKnees · 07/05/2025 16:09

Myth ? No
Any loyal and faithful men out there ? Of course. Millions of them.

Why do you ask ?

Poonu · 07/05/2025 16:10

No not a myth

Cynic17 · 07/05/2025 16:19

Of course there are faithful men - many of them.
There are also unfaithful women.
Of course, no two individuals are the same, but why do you think men and women are generally different, OP? They are just people.

TweetingHurricane · 07/05/2025 16:27

Almostwelsh · 07/05/2025 15:54

I don't think they would believe it meant nothing if their wife did it and they found out. They know it's not nothing.

Show quote history

Yeah you get some awful hypocrites who think it’s nothing for them because they are a man, but if the woman does it then it’s a massive deal because it must mean more. And it dents their ego and masculinity. Twats

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 07/05/2025 16:30

Caffeineneedednow · 07/05/2025 15:25

I think I'm an outlier on mumsnet but in real life I know more women who cheat then men. Often towards the end of a relationship where they basically line up the next one.

I know loyal men of which my husband is one but also know many others.

I’m the same. I know more women who cheat than men, going back to teenage years where it often seemed to be the boys who had big crushes on one person while the girls played the field.

women cheating does seem slightly different MO as you say, it’s often an overlap used to move on from an existing relationship. I suppose a woman is less likely to lose her kids/move out if she has an affair, so having affairs and wanting to stay in the relationship is less common.

AtYourPleasure · 07/05/2025 16:30

I've been told by a man that the only reason men don't cheat is lack of opportunity but they would happily do so if they could. Which is pretty shit really.

To those saying their husbands never have or would - how do you actually know?