Ghosted | Mumsnet

serenabar · 2025-05-04T21:20:54+00:00

Thank you, everyone, for being there for me during my first breakup last year. I’m completely over my ex. But as I started catching feelings for another guy over the past four weeks, I now feel shattered again. He love-bombed me, I guess, and now he’s completely gone. He watches my stories but doesn’t react anymore. I wonder what happened, and I just want to reach out. I want to ask him directly. 🙃

Pleaseshutthefuckup · 04/05/2025 22:25

Social Media adds a layer of torture and agony for most people, particularly more vulnerable people.

I don't know your age, you may feel too young to want to sack social media right off. It is so very liberating not using it.

Anyone who ghosts is an absolute dick. It is hurtful and a huge letdown. Yet, you have learnt something about this guy's character and values. He has no integrity, or style, or anything worth chasing after if he can just ghost someone. Don't stop telling yourself this.

If there's a way to get him off your SMedia, whatever app that is he looks at. That's going to help you recover much faster and not be sucked in if he gets bored in the future.

Eyerollexpert · 04/05/2025 22:28

Try to be strong and not let the idiot get to you. Don't ask him anything he doesn't deserve your second thought.💕

Original poster

serenabar · 04/05/2025 22:40

I’m trying to be tough, but I still want to ask him for closure🥹

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shellyleppard · 04/05/2025 22:42

@serenabar the best closure you can get is just ignoring him. If you contact him and ask for closure he's still going to be on your mind. Just ignore and get on with your life

BobbyBiscuits · 04/05/2025 22:44

Just message him saying hello. If it will make you feel better. But if he starts flirting again just tell him you're really busy...forever.

Original poster

serenabar · 04/05/2025 22:56

I wasn sure about him at first, but his message after our meeting, ‘I enjoy your company, I’d like to see you again,’ made me smile. Even though I had a really busy schedule, I still made time and suggested when we could meet, even for a little while. It often ended with him picking me up, and it felt like a nice way to end the night – just me and him. The little gestures, the small gifts I’d find on the seat… it made me feel important to him.

He said he didn’t like dating multiple people at once, and I felt the same way. He even said that I was lucky to have him. He talked about the future, and I was happy. But suddenly, he pulled away. He started replying with just one word, showing less interest, making excuses, and creating mysteries around himself. Then, he disappeared. But still watches from the corner. No more liking my stories. What changed? What happened? Why did he stop liking me? Just two days before, he was sending me romantic reels.
😣

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MeganM3 · 04/05/2025 22:57

Ahhh. I hate ghosting. If you have already double messaged him with no reply (or more than 1 message) then definitely don’t send anything else.
Lots of people say don’t block. But in my opinion blocking helps me stop thinking about them, if I don’t see their name in my phone after a while they’re gone from my mind. But each to their own.

Original poster

serenabar · 04/05/2025 23:00

MeganM3 · 04/05/2025 22:57

Ahhh. I hate ghosting. If you have already double messaged him with no reply (or more than 1 message) then definitely don’t send anything else.
Lots of people say don’t block. But in my opinion blocking helps me stop thinking about them, if I don’t see their name in my phone after a while they’re gone from my mind. But each to their own.

No, I haven’t double-texted, but he left me on seen two days ago and hasn’t texted since. He used to text me every day, like my stories, and comment. Yesterday, I posted about 8 stories, and he watched them all but didn’t react at all. Then, today, I posted a romantic reel, and he saw it, but he did nothing. He loves those kinds of reels.

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Freeflight · 04/05/2025 23:15

@serenabar you have to do what feels right for you. He is done at this point, he won't explain himself, it's unlikely you'll hear from him again, so now it is what you want to do.

I have been ghosted a number of times, and it's awful, doesn't get any easier. In fact, I think it gets harder as it feels like that is all you deserve.
I find don't want to ask questions as I know I won't get any closure from it, but I do send one message, for myself. Its irrelevant what they think by this point.
I call them out on it (politely in fact and not aggressively at all) usually saying that I hope one day they can give others the respect that they deserve as their behaviour has been hurtful and no one deserves to be treated with such intentional disregard.
And then I archive them so I never see them again.

Original poster

serenabar · 04/05/2025 23:19

Freeflight · 04/05/2025 23:15

@serenabar you have to do what feels right for you. He is done at this point, he won't explain himself, it's unlikely you'll hear from him again, so now it is what you want to do.

I have been ghosted a number of times, and it's awful, doesn't get any easier. In fact, I think it gets harder as it feels like that is all you deserve.
I find don't want to ask questions as I know I won't get any closure from it, but I do send one message, for myself. Its irrelevant what they think by this point.
I call them out on it (politely in fact and not aggressively at all) usually saying that I hope one day they can give others the respect that they deserve as their behaviour has been hurtful and no one deserves to be treated with such intentional disregard.
And then I archive them so I never see them again.

i feel like if I texted him, he would reply, but he’s been so dry lately, and it’s been giving me anxiety. It’ll happen again — he’ll be polite and respond, but he won’t actually give anything of himself

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Anyonefoundmysparesock · 04/05/2025 23:34

Stop pondering over why he is not into you anymore and start worrying why your self worth depends on this mans approval. Raise your own worth and this will not be an issue anymore.

If someone ghosts you its a blessing, not a trivial pursuit in guessing why he is not liking a post. Your worth matters more than what some bloke you knew for 15 minutes brought to your table.

Freeflight · 04/05/2025 23:39

@serenabar I wouldn't waste your effort if you think he might reply.
Although if that's the case then he's phasing you out and not ghosting so for me it would be a different response to someone ghosting. And if they were phasing me out I'd just archive them with no message.

But again, you have to do what you want to do, what feels right and will allow you to move on from it. You have to take charge for yourself.
There are hundreds on men (and women) like this in dating, both on apps and in the real world, so you have to start to build up an ability to ignore this behaviour and start on the next and it can be relentless.

ScribblingPixie · 04/05/2025 23:41

He even said that I was lucky to have him.

Wait, what? Did you mean to say that or was it the other way around, that he said he was lucky to have you?

CheeseWisely · 04/05/2025 23:42

Ghosts are nothing more than cowardly cunts. I had years of dating and had so much more respect for the Men who had the balls to say ‘sorry; I’m not feeling it’. Few as they were 🙄

Block him, onwards and upwards OP.

Original poster

serenabar · 04/05/2025 23:44

ScribblingPixie · 04/05/2025 23:41

He even said that I was lucky to have him.

Wait, what? Did you mean to say that or was it the other way around, that he said he was lucky to have you?

He said I was lucky because he knows how other guys are

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HeatedBlanketAllYear · 05/05/2025 09:56

Stop playing games with your socials and block him. He’s taking up far more of your headspace than he deserves.
Ghosting is cruel and spineless so now you’ve seen his character, stop accepting crumbs and find someone who treats you with respect. Time to move on.

Original poster

serenabar · 05/05/2025 10:25

After all that, I texted him and it’s just been left on delivered. He used to respond right away. I just don’t understand what changed. Just be honest with me like a normal person. 😔

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babystarsandmoon · 05/05/2025 10:27

Remove him from your social media and block him from your phone.

Pleaseshutthefuckup · 05/05/2025 10:45

How old are you OP?

Original poster

serenabar · 05/05/2025 10:52

Pleaseshutthefuckup · 05/05/2025 10:45

How old are you OP?

I’m 23.

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Original poster

serenabar · 05/05/2025 10:53

babystarsandmoon · 05/05/2025 10:27

Remove him from your social media and block him from your phone.

How do I stop thinking about him and what it was? Why does he watch my stories but never say a word? I’m spending all my time in bed again. 🥲

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ARainyNightInSoho · 05/05/2025 10:56

OP, two things stand out to me.

He even said that I was lucky to have him

This really is not a good thing for a man to say to you at all. It's narcissistic. It would be a red flag for anybody with self esteem.

I want to ask him for closure

Closure is not something that anybody can give you. It is something you have do for yourself.

I guess you are either quite young or have had previous bad experiences with relationships which gave you the idea that you have to be grateful for attention. There is nothing this man can do to give you closure or make you feel better. You have to do that for yourself. He is bad news and he seems to have gone off you anyway. That's good, as he does not sound healthy. Move on.

Original poster

serenabar · 05/05/2025 11:04

ARainyNightInSoho · 05/05/2025 10:56

OP, two things stand out to me.

He even said that I was lucky to have him

This really is not a good thing for a man to say to you at all. It's narcissistic. It would be a red flag for anybody with self esteem.

I want to ask him for closure

Closure is not something that anybody can give you. It is something you have do for yourself.

I guess you are either quite young or have had previous bad experiences with relationships which gave you the idea that you have to be grateful for attention. There is nothing this man can do to give you closure or make you feel better. You have to do that for yourself. He is bad news and he seems to have gone off you anyway. That's good, as he does not sound healthy. Move on.

Thank you
but he just seemed so thoughtful, so sweet… I don’t know how to see him as the bad guy.

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ARainyNightInSoho · 05/05/2025 11:51

OP, he's not necessarily a bad guy. He's just not as in to you as you need him to be. You can't wait for him to change his mind. He's not going to. He's also not going to explain himself. That never happens. His behaviour tells you enough. You have to decide for yourself that you are worth someone who can give you proper attention.

ARainyNightInSoho · 05/05/2025 11:56

OP, almost everybody at some point in their life realises that they have gone off someone they were initially attracted to and then they have to behave selfishly to distance themselves. When this happens, the other person will feel really bad, but the person who feels distant isn't bad. It's just something they have to do.

This man liked you and is still mildly curious, but he doesn't want a relationship with you now. He is not going to spell that out. He's not a bad guy, he just isn't that in to you. It happens.