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Original poster

In a relationship with a man who has a child from previous partner

95 replies

BeKindCrow · 04/05/2025 17:19

Hey girls,

So I've been dating a man who has a child from a previous partner for over 2 years. I've never tried to come in the way of him or his daughter and never will but there are times when he makes it clear that I dont mean anything as much as his daughter. I've moved in with him and live in his house with his daughter.

He is generally good as a partner but he stonewalls me whenever I try and talk about something serious. We say I love you and everything but he just treats me so different sometimes and it shows me that he can talk about things with his daughter but not me. I try not to start a fight and try to be as open as I can whenever something does bother me, but he becomes nasty to me when I want to open up. He'll speak to her if she needs him, but if I want to discuss something he'll completely disregard my feelings. There will be small things like if she is cold he'll give her his jumper but if I'm cold he'll ignore it. I never ever expect him to put his daughter after me but he makes it a way that it's him and his daughter against me when the situation may not even be related to his daughter.

I just sometimes feel like im being used, because he obviously knows how to treat a woman nicely but not me. I always put both of them first, but he always reminds me that I'm not as important as her even if it's not related. It's starting to really get to me because I give as much as I can to them both but when I need something I'm met with dismissal.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
lnks · 04/05/2025 17:23

Firstly, we are women not girls.

“there are times when he makes it clear that I dont mean anything as much as his daughter” this is how it should be. Any good parent prioritises their child over a new partner.

You don’t sound like a good fit tbh.

Original poster
BeKindCrow · 04/05/2025 17:27

I'm addressing the issue here because I wanted to see more perspectives of people who have their own children. I appreciate that you've commented back. I'm trying to work this out in my head because I know I can overthink.

OP posts:
notsureyetcertain · 04/05/2025 17:29

Well the relationship between a parent and child and a couple is completely different so comparing isn’t helpful. He should love his daughter more than any new partner and you should not be looking for signs that he loves you more or even equally.

There are two concerns in your post, the first is that he is nasty to you when you try to talk to him. That should be a deal breaker, if you can’t talk to each other about your feelings and your future then you are never going to be happy.
The second issue is you seem insecure inthe relationship, either you are insecure and would benefit from therapy to help you overcome this or he’s making you insecure which again is not good.

Whsts clear is you are unhappy in the relationship, people don’t change for other people they only change for themselves. You need to look at this relationship from an outside perspective and decide if you want to be with a man who refuses to talk to you and is nasty to you. But honestly love you deserve better.

JustRollIt · 04/05/2025 17:29

Firstly putting his child first is what is right. That is admirable.

Secondly, he treats you with contempt and you stay. You shouldn't. He is not a nice person, you spell that out yourself, you say he is nasty. You need to leave this relationship because he is awful. You deserve better. You cannot and will not change him. He is showing you who he is. Make plans to leave.

lnks · 04/05/2025 17:31

You owe it to yourself to find a relationship which makes you feel good and it doesn’t sound like this one does. He isn’t wrong to prioritise his child, but you’re also not wrong to leave because you’re unhappy

Original poster
BeKindCrow · 04/05/2025 17:34

Thank you both for being kinder with your replies. I really did not mean to make the post seem like I want all the attention because that is not what I ever expected to have when I knew he had a daughter.

It really is just the nastiness that's associated with our arguing. He has kicked me out multiple times after I've tried to talk to him and its these things that concern me when all I want to do is make him and his daughter happy. I do see her as my own daughter at this point but our arguments make me so down about myself and he is the one that constantly compares us, I don't ever want to.

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 04/05/2025 17:40

From what you have said:

Nothing wrong with him prioritising his DD

A lot wrong with the relationship between you and him.

Sofiewoo · 04/05/2025 17:42

There will be small things like if she is cold he'll give her his jumper but if I'm cold he'll ignore it.

There is a pretty big difference here being that she is a child and you are an adult.

Stripeyanddotty · 04/05/2025 17:44

I do see her as my own daughter at this point

Well you shouldn’t - because she isn’t.
Apart from that he is treating you badly.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 04/05/2025 17:46

It's got nothing to do with him having a child.

He's simply a twat to you.

I wouldn't stay with someone who treated me the way you describe. I don't think anyone should.

Roosch · 04/05/2025 17:49

Dump him, leave and don’t look back.

You don’t deserve to be treated so badly.

Original poster
BeKindCrow · 04/05/2025 17:49

Sofiewoo - yeah I regret using the jacket giving as an example, it does seem childish. Was meant to only be an example as it was something he'd do in the beginning for me too

OP posts:
Lighteningstrikes · 04/05/2025 17:49

You sound far too nice for him.

Why do you keep putting yourself through this?

Find someone who deserves you, because this one is abusing you.

suburberphobe · 04/05/2025 17:51

Of course his daughter comes first. It's how it should be.

However, he treats you like shit and I'd be looking for my own place.

Did he ask you to move in? I'd be moving right out again. You do not deserve this kind of treatment by him.

He's also showing his daughter this is how men treat you in a relationship. Awful.

ClaudiaNaughton · 04/05/2025 17:54

Leave him and his daughter and find someone who puts you first.

TwistedWonder · 04/05/2025 17:55

Why are you rolling over for a man who is treating you like shit on his shoe almost begging to be given the bare minimum?

His DD is a red herring here - their relationship is irrelevant to him treating you poorly. How long had you been together when you moved in?

Sassybooklover · 04/05/2025 17:57

Your partner having a child is irrelevant here. He's nasty to you when you express your feelings and has thrown you out the house for doing so multiple times. He's not a nice person, end of. If you can't express your feelings or talk about the future without him becoming angry, then that's not a good sign and doesn't bode well long-term. Yes, he should prioritise his child, but he shouldn't be dismissive of you either, and treat you with contempt. Find yourself somewhere else to live, and then end the relationship. You have zero ties to this man, you owe him nothing. He's a dreadful person.

Original poster
BeKindCrow · 04/05/2025 18:01

I actually am in the process of selling my own house to move in with him. It was after around a year and I'd be half in his house/half in mine.

I am worried that he will kick me out again after the move, yes. I've been staying because he was different at first but we both have had multiple massive arguments which led us to not talking for days etc during these couple years. I am starting to think that I'm being used as stayed in original post, but I just wanted to hear out the thoughts of anyone else

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 04/05/2025 18:04

I actually am in the process of selling my own house to move in with him.

Please please please please don’t do this. He’s not a good man - he’s a nasty piece of work treating you like you’re worthless. Please find your self respect, move back out and end the relationship.

Endofyear · 04/05/2025 18:04

Regardless of his relationship with his daughter, it sounds like he is very unpleasant to you. If he's kicked you out multiple times, why do you keep going back for more? Why do you stay when he treats you so badly? If I were you, I would leave and not look back.

outerspacepotato · 04/05/2025 18:05

Don't sell your house!!!!!!

This guy doesn't love you, you're a convenience, a bangsitter.
He's tried to kick you out, he'll do it again and you will be up shit creek with nowhere to live.

Autumnnow · 04/05/2025 18:07

"He has kicked me out multiple times after I've tried to talk to him"
"I am worried that he will kick me out again after the move"

His relationship with his daughter is irrelevant and a complete red herring. He's a horrible man who treats you like dirt. You need to end this so called relationship immediately and rebuild your self-respect.

Sunbline · 04/05/2025 18:08

There's different elements to this. Him prioritising his child is what a parent should do, however he treats you like shit which shouldn't be the case. Absolutely do not sell your house!

Original poster
BeKindCrow · 04/05/2025 18:15

Outerspacepotato - your term of bangsitter is actually quite accurate in terms of how I feel sometimes. I do need to listen to you ladies as our relationship does make me feel bad about myself quite a lot.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeKindCrow · 04/05/2025 18:18

I really appreciate all the replies, I'm reading every single post over and over again to try and see the situation from an outside perspective

OP posts:
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