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Original poster

Abdondoned in Foreign country

83 replies

HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 15:29

I came to my husbands country on "holiday" his family are all here (small island in the indian Ocean). Before leaving we had a few rocky arguments about communication. He did the usual promises and pulled out all the stops and went OTT to enaure I go, we have 2 young children. I came and the first day the same issue cropped up. We have been abroad now for 7 days and 3rd time the same issue has cropped up. We argue a littlr and then I try to get on with things and make the most out of things. But today was heated and I yold him to leave and go on a planned outing with his parents and extended family. I was upset and angry I hoped he would cool off and return but instead he left me alone for 8 hours in a foreign country I have no family or friends here. I was left with the kids.

I was utterly heart broken at this carelessness and lack of consideration. He went and had fun and left us. We have non refundable ticket. And the emotional aode of me would have gone to the airport and requested a change to the soonest plane back to the UK.

The communication issues pertain to him discussing plans or whatever with me as a couple agreeing but he goes and doea something utterly different not trivial matters but the important stuff. And aince being here he has done it regading arranging things with his family without consulting me. I feel like I am a small child being told to go along with what he decides with his family.

I dont soeak the language and have no money. I left everything back at home. There are no pavemwnts to walk and you need a car to drive. What would you do?

I know I kicked myself for getting on thenplane to begin with after all the love bombing in thought he would change. It is my fault for going along even though I was still upset with him.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 04/05/2025 15:32

Wait it out. Get home safely. And make sure never to fall for the love bombing and manipulation again. Fool me once? Shame on you! But fool me twice? Shame on me.—Don’t be a fool again.

NotAnotherOne1234 · 04/05/2025 15:33

He didn't leave you alone though, you told him to go.
You can be angry with yourself, but not him, he did what you said he should do.

Re communication issue, ask him to translate so you can speak to his mum or another family member about the issue.

babystarsandmoon · 04/05/2025 15:36

Keep the children with you and stay calm and patient until the end of the trip. When are you due to fly home?

Nameftgigb · 04/05/2025 15:36

You told him to go, and you’re upset he did as you told him? Do you have similar communication problems with him at home?

ShanghaiDiva · 04/05/2025 15:36

@pikkumyy77 agree with this poster - just wait until you get back to the uk and then decide what you want to do in the long term.

IPM · 04/05/2025 15:37

I yold him to leave and go on a planned outing with his parents and extended family.

Which he did.

To be honest, if I kept falling out with my husband and I didn't speak the same language as his family, I'd be glad of the break for 8 hours.

But clearly you have way bigger problems in your marriage than just this.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 04/05/2025 15:37

Why don't you have any money? You don't have a debit or credit card? Is your husband financially abusive?

GrumpyInsomniac · 04/05/2025 15:40

Make the best of things while you’re over there, but start mentally preparing to get your ducks in the proverbial row once you return home. Do not let him suspect this is what you’re considering.

He has made clear that what you want is not a priority for him and won’t even treat you as an equal partner. And you should want better for yourself, and as an example for your kids.

My concern would be ensuring that you all got on the plane home and that any divorce proceedings or separation occurred in the UK, rather than risking things getting even more unpleasant near his family and a long way from your home. Why do you not have any money? Is he restricting your access to funds to control you?

How much longer do you have of this holiday before you fly home?

MissyB1 · 04/05/2025 15:40

When you get safely home with the kids you know what to do.

IReallyLoveItHere · 04/05/2025 15:40

Were you safe? Yes it's inconsiderate and I'd have expected him to just come back in a couple of hours but it doesn't sound like he abandoned you and left you in danger.

Can the issue you are arguing over just be left alone until you get home?

Have a good think about being with this man once you are home and don't be persuaded to go on this type of trip again.

If you really need to go call a taxi (research online, do they have an uber type thing you could book on an app) and buy tickets on your credit card.

NewBinBag · 04/05/2025 15:40

Kindly - don't issue empty threats. You tested him by telling him to go, he failed your test by doing as you told him.

But I agree with PP, you're absolutely within your rights to point blank refuse to go again. No way.

Does he want you there so desperately so he can show the kids off to his family but doesn't have to do childcare? Why didn't the kids go on the trip with their dad?

BobbyBiscuits · 04/05/2025 15:43

You had somewhere to sleep. Lots of people go on holiday to countries they've not been to before and don't speak the language. You have a smartphone presumably?
You can just explore the place or stay at your accomodation. But I think your wording is rather dramatic.
He will be back and why not just have a nice time with the kids doing something you like? You can't be that reliant on him that you're unable to spend 8 hours alone?

saraclara · 04/05/2025 15:44

I yold him to leave and go on a planned outing with his parents and extended family.

You played a silly game and you lost.

You complain about poor communication, and yet you communicated this ridiculously badly, and deceitfully.

This marriage sounds doomed, but it seems the poor communication goes both ways.

BFG2023 · 04/05/2025 15:50

Your communication with each other is very chaotic and seems to be simmering with resentment and anger. Setting aside the issue of him making big decisions without consulting you (which is itself a big deal that needs to be dealt with with a calm head and respect on both sides when you are back from holiday) you explicitly told him to leave, then got mad when he did what you asked him to, saying he 'abandoned' you to go and have fun. Well , which is it? He can't read your mind. You need to be clear with your feelings and not try to point score. You set him up to lose today, be honest with yourself.
Whether or not the marriage survives is much bigger than this one incident, but I think you need to recognise your part too. Only when you're both honest and open and really listen to each other is the communication going to improve. Sounds like right now you are both entrenched in how things 'always' are, and you need to get out of the rut to see it for what it is.
Keep a cool head and think rationally about the bigger picture.

Dweetfidilove · 04/05/2025 15:53

You said go with your family and he did exactly that.

What big decisions is he making on holiday that require consultation? They lied know more about the country/what to do/who to see etc; so unless he's choosing unsuitable activities for you and the children.

In any case, the relationship sounds utterly miserable amd unfulfilling, so that's something that needs addressing when you return.

Hatty65 · 04/05/2025 15:58

I'm not sure what he's done wrong, to be honest. You've gone on holiday to his home island, for him to spend time with his family, whom he has presumably not seen for quite a while.

After an argument you told him to just go out with them for the day, and he did so. You chose to stay home with the DC and not go with them. You do sound incredibly hard work.

You've not been 'abandoned' in a foreign country. He's trying to spend time with his family and friends and you are making this all about you. Claiming to be 'heartbroken' sounds overly dramatic.

Riaanna · 04/05/2025 16:01

You told him to go.

He went.

If you didn’t want him to go you shouldn’t have told him to. Game playing will always bite you.

Digdongdoo · 04/05/2025 16:02

So not so much abandoned, as he went out for the day like planned?
Get through the holiday, get back home and separate.

DaniO2 · 04/05/2025 16:05

I imagine he is glad to see his family if he doesn't get to spend much time with them. You did tell him to go. I can understand why you feel a bit upset, but if this is the one time he gets to spend with his family and for the kids to see them - it might be nice to just try to smooth things over and try to make it enjoyable for everyone if you can.

Obviously it's quite different if he is abusive rather than just thoughtless and irritating though.

The holiday is not going to be as fun for you as it is for him, but hopefully you can get through this and the kids don't pick up on the atmosphere.

If it's a on-going argument about the same things maybe it might be better to deal with it when you are back home on familiar ground. If it's abusive, then keep your kids close and don't rock the boat until you can get them home.

blueleavesgreensky · 04/05/2025 16:07

But today was heated and I told him to leave and go on a planned outing with his parents and extended family. I was upset and angry I hoped he would cool off and return but instead he left me alone for 8 hours

do you always say things that you don’t mean? You told him to go on the excursion but instead what you actually wanted was him to just go away for a little bit and come back to you.

this is hopeless communication. Especially with a man. Doubly especially with a man for whom English is a second language. But honestly, it is terrible communication to anyone.

you can’t possibly think stating something whilst secretly expecting them to do something else is a them problem. This is all on you.

the rest of the behaviours are not sounding great from anyone but as you have so massively misunderstood your contribution to today’s problem I can’t help but wonder what else you consider his/their poor behaviour or whether the problem is as much yours in the making.

WednesdaysChild25 · 04/05/2025 16:11

Abandoned lol

PrincessOfPreschool · 04/05/2025 16:15

OP, I'm sorry but you sound like hard work. If you're in Sri Lanka I'm very jealous! Your H is enjoying his time and it seems like you keep wanting to put a dampener on things. He's visiting home, did he really need to agree everything with you? The fact you haven't given any examples makes me wonder how big a deal they are and how inflexible you are.

dogcatkitten · 04/05/2025 16:16

He may feel he has to play the husband is in charge role with his family if that is their culture. As said just wait it out until you go home, it could get difficult if you rock the boat so far from home, with no money and not speaking the language.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 04/05/2025 16:18

You can't complain he is a bad communicator if you're going to tell him to go when you mean stay. Your communication is also bad and you're being very dramatic. Wait until you're home and talk openly, don't play games and see where you want to go from there.

HollidaySunshine · 04/05/2025 16:19

You told him to go. He did.