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Original poster

Abdondoned in Foreign country

83 replies

HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 15:29

I came to my husbands country on "holiday" his family are all here (small island in the indian Ocean). Before leaving we had a few rocky arguments about communication. He did the usual promises and pulled out all the stops and went OTT to enaure I go, we have 2 young children. I came and the first day the same issue cropped up. We have been abroad now for 7 days and 3rd time the same issue has cropped up. We argue a littlr and then I try to get on with things and make the most out of things. But today was heated and I yold him to leave and go on a planned outing with his parents and extended family. I was upset and angry I hoped he would cool off and return but instead he left me alone for 8 hours in a foreign country I have no family or friends here. I was left with the kids.

I was utterly heart broken at this carelessness and lack of consideration. He went and had fun and left us. We have non refundable ticket. And the emotional aode of me would have gone to the airport and requested a change to the soonest plane back to the UK.

The communication issues pertain to him discussing plans or whatever with me as a couple agreeing but he goes and doea something utterly different not trivial matters but the important stuff. And aince being here he has done it regading arranging things with his family without consulting me. I feel like I am a small child being told to go along with what he decides with his family.

I dont soeak the language and have no money. I left everything back at home. There are no pavemwnts to walk and you need a car to drive. What would you do?

I know I kicked myself for getting on thenplane to begin with after all the love bombing in thought he would change. It is my fault for going along even though I was still upset with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 18:45

You are 100% right. Not denying that. My thought was.... He wouldn't. But he did. Again.
Leason learnt.

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 18:48

PrettyPuss · 04/05/2025 16:23

I do think the title is rather misleading. Going on a day out with his family when he is on holiday visiting them is hardly ‘abandoning’ you. They must all be so happy to be able to spend time together. And you did tell him to go!

Why didn’t you want to join in?

Also, why don't you have any money with you?

It was a very heated argument with shouting in both aides I was tearful and in a state afterwards. I can not hide that from anyone. He soured the mood. I did ask him to go but as women we do say things in the height if emotions. I hoped he would come back just go for a drive to cool off.
He has all the money and I didn't want to bring my card incase it gets stolen. We have the back up of his parents if anything happens to his. It was one less tthing for me to worry about. They only acceot cash in most places especially local markets and taxis. ATMS dont exist in the small towns and villages either. So my card would be useless

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 18:50

Ohthatsabitshit · 04/05/2025 16:31

Is there nothing fun you can do with the kids where you are? Beach? Walk? Play? Just have a good day and enjoy the change of scenery. Listen to an audiobook if the kids are content with that.

Beach is 20mins car journey. No pavements here and no childrens park for a good 15mins drive. Very odd.
I did try to entertain with my phone and books I got those and some toys.

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 18:52

TwistedWonder · 04/05/2025 16:26

Well the thread title makes it sound far more serious and dramatic than you telling him to amend the day with his family then getting the hump because he did exactly that.

I do think your relationship sounds far too much like hard work and you’re incompatible - definitely a serious conversation when you’re home is in order.

Yes I did say this to him before leaving. After he booked without consulting me 3 weeks instead of the agreed 2. He has used up well his Annual leave wnd we have nondays left to do anything in the UK back home.
He has done this many times and it ends up the same..he love bombs me and promises and apologies but it happens again.

I do think this marriage has hit the rocks badly this time.

OP posts:
Fupoffyagrasshole · 04/05/2025 18:52

If your card got stolen so what

ridiculous to travel so here with no access to your own money

you can cancel a card or freeze on your phone app in seconds

you could have got a taxi to an atm then at least

you’ve put yourself in a very vulnerable position op

Pickledpeanuts · 04/05/2025 18:53

There are a couple of things that stand out.

That he makes or changes plans involving you, without consulting you is an issue. I don't blame you for getting frustrated and if it continued I would refuse to go along with his plans where it didn't suit.

How have you been left with no money? Don't you have you're own debit cards? Has he taken those off you?

And As women do we say things when emptions are high. I thought he would go for a walk and come back once cooled off isn't acceptable. Lots of people, of both sexes, say things they don't mean when emotions are high, the "emotional woman" trope is ridiculous, and you clearly communicated with him to go. You can't then get upset that he did what you said.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 04/05/2025 18:53

He has all the money and I didn't want to bring my card incase it gets stolen. We have the back up of his parents if anything happens to his. It was one less tthing for me to worry about. They only acceot cash in most places especially local markets and taxis. ATMS dont exist in the small towns and villages either. So my card would be useless

You can get a card like Revolut which you top up on your phone from an app. You can use it like a debit card. If it gets stolen you can halt the card but only the money you have on it is lost.

You need cash OP, not emergency money only. Ask your husband for a wedge of cash should you need to take the children out, pay for a cab, buy food, get to the airport, buy something for the children or pay entrance to something.

Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 18:55

Enrichetta · 04/05/2025 16:41

You seem somewhat overdramatic and possibly as hot headed as your husband.

is there any chance that he may choose to stay in his country and keep the children?

Either way, I’d suggest you keep a cool head and bite your lip. Ensuring that you and the children return safely to the UK ought to be your priority.

I doubt that he has a professional f/t job as a deputy ceo of a large company back home. He has 3 weeks holiday only.
He does however wwnt to move here and has expressed this in the last 2 years. I am not for it as it is in the middle of nowhere and things are bot great for us so I can not see making a massive move now or ever.

I wish I was being dramatic this is a recurring issue in his part. I am to blame as I trusted him far to many times. This is the last straw for me.

OP posts:
Truetoself · 04/05/2025 18:56

if in Sri Lanka, not sure which part as pavements do exist there. Must be in a rural area. Even if she had told him to go out, leaving his family with no access to money or food for 8 hours is irresponsible

Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 19:00

Thank you all for your messages it has helped me put things into perspective. I had a part to play in this by not communicating I wanted him to cool off. I assumed it was a given.
I will be addressing things legally now. As the issue cropping up abroad while I am vulnerable has scared me and put things into perspective.
He apologies but nothing changes. It has beem 8 years if marriage and 8 years if me drawing a line and he keepa over stepping it. It is not healthy to keep on like this. Admittedly we have argued infront of the children and thats not right.

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 19:02

Truetoself · 04/05/2025 18:56

if in Sri Lanka, not sure which part as pavements do exist there. Must be in a rural area. Even if she had told him to go out, leaving his family with no access to money or food for 8 hours is irresponsible

Nope it is part of the archipelago off Africa. Can't say where as too specific. But no pavements unless in the capital or shopping mall no one walks they drive.

OP posts:
librathroughandthrough · 04/05/2025 19:04

Does your husband not live with you in uk?

LIZS · 04/05/2025 19:08

He chooses to only use 3 weeks, statutory allowance is 4/5 minimum. You need to be careful as if you split he could try to move the children back with him especially if they are dual nationals and he has family support. Are you a sahm that you can add a week on last minute? Are dc nursery/school age? Would you prefer to work and be more independent?

outerspacepotato · 04/05/2025 19:11

You told him to leave to go on a planned family outing. How is this he abandoned you????

"I thought he would go for a walk and come back once cooled off."

So you expected him to read your mind?

You sound very reactive and why you let him keep all the money and didn't take your card is beyond me. Keep your head down, stop popping off, and get your ass back to your home country with your kids is my advice.

LIZS · 04/05/2025 19:15

Could you find more conveniently located accommodation for remainder of the time?

NameChangedOfc · 04/05/2025 20:58

I can't believe the amount of gaslighting comments in this thread. What is this? Bots? Kool Aid Millennials? AI? I genuinely don't understand it 😨

OP: do as @pikkumyy77 says. Your priority now is to get back to the UK with your children safely. Keep a cool head. And then, what @GrumpyInsomniac says.

thaigirl · 04/05/2025 21:03

I don’t know OP, but if I funded (presumably) a trip to the other side of the world so my children could meet my family and experience my culture, and my partner behaved like a petulant child, trying to tell me what to do, demanding to call the shots and then getting mardy because I didn’t comply AND withholding the kids from family outings….i’d be issuing divorce papers at the first opportunity.

Presumably if you attended their family plans the kids would go? So why are they stuck in an Air BnB with you having a grim time? You are disadvantaging your children to prove a point? Really???

Christmasbear1 · 04/05/2025 21:18

It must be Mauritius. They all speak English there. There are plenty of things to do. It's a holiday destination.

what do you mean problem with your in laws and boundaries?

Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 23:32

librathroughandthrough · 04/05/2025 19:04

Does your husband not live with you in uk?

Yes he is a citizen and works f/t

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 23:34

LIZS · 04/05/2025 19:08

He chooses to only use 3 weeks, statutory allowance is 4/5 minimum. You need to be careful as if you split he could try to move the children back with him especially if they are dual nationals and he has family support. Are you a sahm that you can add a week on last minute? Are dc nursery/school age? Would you prefer to work and be more independent?

He gets 28days a year he has used 21days and the rest has been used for pate for the children and over the holiday periods to see my family long weekends etc.
We wre mewnt to reserve 10days to allow for tome in the UK and to see my family together.
He lives in the UK and has for 20years.

Yes I am now a F/T SAHM.

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 23:40

Thank you for assuming everything and nit asking properly.

My younger is breast fed and my eldest is attached to me and has never met gis family abroad he refused to go without me. I encourged DC to go and said it would be fun. I did not withold or imprison. My you fest needs to feed every 2 hours.

And my husband is the one behaving as a child as communication is not important with his partner his wife. We have had years of this but has progressively gotten worse.
I didn't want to come but I was love bombed that it wouod be different and they apologized only to repeat it within weeks.

Thank you for your opinion but you are way off, across the universe way off.

OP posts:
Constance1 · 04/05/2025 23:43

If you told him to go, he was doing as you asked. I get that there are bigger issues here, but in future don’t tell someone to do something and then get mad that they did it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 05/05/2025 00:18

CeeceeBloomingdale · 04/05/2025 16:18

You can't complain he is a bad communicator if you're going to tell him to go when you mean stay. Your communication is also bad and you're being very dramatic. Wait until you're home and talk openly, don't play games and see where you want to go from there.

He wouldn't have stwyed anyway. As I said this was issue 3 and the previous ones were about communication as well. We wrrived after 2 days travel hit and sweaty and I asked to go to accommodation right away but he insisted we see family asap. The whole family. All I wanted was a shower and to change the children and freshen them up and brush our teeth! My children had been up for over 7hours wnd needed wash and bed.

His Mothers wishes trumped my and my Childrens needs.
Alot of people.making assumptions it is my fault when as I said the situation escalated. 3 times we argued about the same thing. The thing he promised not to do again.

He would rather let me and our DC down then let his parents down. I.e we will be over after everyone has rested. OR let me discuss with my wife before confirming. Is that unacceptable expectation? I thought that was a normal marriage - team work. Eapecially when it has been an issue in the past and the spouce knows it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
HolidayHell2025 · 05/05/2025 00:19

Constance1 · 04/05/2025 23:43

If you told him to go, he was doing as you asked. I get that there are bigger issues here, but in future don’t tell someone to do something and then get mad that they did it 🤷🏻‍♀️

He wouodnt have atayed anyway. He can not let his family down. (Not his family as in wife and DC the other main family)

OP posts:
EG94 · 05/05/2025 00:30

I think you don’t understand love bombing.

you also make life harder you didn’t take your card now upset you have no money.. you did that to yourself did you not?

he’s been like this for a long time based on your posts but you thought would be a great idea to have kids and give up working so make yourself completely reliant on him, unless of course you’re now going to say he forced you to be a SAHP to gain control?

when you are in a relationship with someone from another country, a holiday on their home country is not a holiday at all. Been there done it, did it for him as I can see my family whenever. Didn’t speak the same language either.

the agreeing 2 weeks booking 3 and saying no big deal is not gaslighting. Gas lighting would be saying no we agreed 3. He was dismissive of you and overruled you but I don’t think it’s gas lighting.

no one know what goes on behind closed doors but I feel you’re throwing a lot of strong adjectives out there without actually knowing the meaning and being someone who does, because I’ve been on the receiving end, it’s a bit frustrating to read these terms so casually being used.

lastly saying women say things when emotional, woman with no control do yes, don’t tar us all with the same brush because you didnt communicate well.