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Original poster

Abdondoned in Foreign country

83 replies

HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 15:29

I came to my husbands country on "holiday" his family are all here (small island in the indian Ocean). Before leaving we had a few rocky arguments about communication. He did the usual promises and pulled out all the stops and went OTT to enaure I go, we have 2 young children. I came and the first day the same issue cropped up. We have been abroad now for 7 days and 3rd time the same issue has cropped up. We argue a littlr and then I try to get on with things and make the most out of things. But today was heated and I yold him to leave and go on a planned outing with his parents and extended family. I was upset and angry I hoped he would cool off and return but instead he left me alone for 8 hours in a foreign country I have no family or friends here. I was left with the kids.

I was utterly heart broken at this carelessness and lack of consideration. He went and had fun and left us. We have non refundable ticket. And the emotional aode of me would have gone to the airport and requested a change to the soonest plane back to the UK.

The communication issues pertain to him discussing plans or whatever with me as a couple agreeing but he goes and doea something utterly different not trivial matters but the important stuff. And aince being here he has done it regading arranging things with his family without consulting me. I feel like I am a small child being told to go along with what he decides with his family.

I dont soeak the language and have no money. I left everything back at home. There are no pavemwnts to walk and you need a car to drive. What would you do?

I know I kicked myself for getting on thenplane to begin with after all the love bombing in thought he would change. It is my fault for going along even though I was still upset with him.

OP posts:

Digdongdoo · 05/05/2025 02:38

HolidayHell2025 · 05/05/2025 00:18

He wouldn't have stwyed anyway. As I said this was issue 3 and the previous ones were about communication as well. We wrrived after 2 days travel hit and sweaty and I asked to go to accommodation right away but he insisted we see family asap. The whole family. All I wanted was a shower and to change the children and freshen them up and brush our teeth! My children had been up for over 7hours wnd needed wash and bed.

His Mothers wishes trumped my and my Childrens needs.
Alot of people.making assumptions it is my fault when as I said the situation escalated. 3 times we argued about the same thing. The thing he promised not to do again.

He would rather let me and our DC down then let his parents down. I.e we will be over after everyone has rested. OR let me discuss with my wife before confirming. Is that unacceptable expectation? I thought that was a normal marriage - team work. Eapecially when it has been an issue in the past and the spouce knows it is.

Show quote history

You're being ridiculous here. Of course he wanted to go and see his family ASAP. You wanted to put the children to bed first? Seriously?

Tbrh · 05/05/2025 05:37

You told him to go, so I assume he's just having a good time. I don't think he's abandoned you at all. Take a breather and have a good talk to him once you have both calmed down and are willing to reconciliate

Codlingmoths · 05/05/2025 05:41

Once I found out he’d booked 3 weeks I simply would not have gone to be honest. Anyway you know now you can’t trust him. I’d keep things calm until getting home, plan a return to work so you have an income, and probably mentally plan to leave. I would never again visit his home country.

AgentJohnson · 05/05/2025 06:01

You need to stop waiting for him to be different, it’s been eight years!!!!

You are waaaaay too dependant on a man who doesn’t see you as an equal. Leaving your cards at home makes no sense, particularly given the dynamics of your marriage.

Try and make the best of a bad situation and focus on your children and when you return to the UK, accept that this is who he is and move on from this toxic dynamic. He’s not going to change which means the balls in your court.

BlondiePortz · 05/05/2025 06:21

HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 18:41

As women do we say things when emptions are high. I thought he would go for a walk and come back once cooled off.
He has returned and is stone walling me and ignoring me. Which is his normal self.

Yes reoccurring issue as per post. Communication is a huge issue he speaks english perfectly. Highly educated. The issue is pertaining planning things big and smell. Even the holiday we agreed 2 weeks and I even found the deal and sent it to him. Told everyone 2 weeks. The day he booked he did 3 weeks and never told me. When he slipped and said 7 days before the flight and then instead of apologizing he gaslight me and said it isn't a big deal. Perhaps not to some but for me it is as this is reoccurring issue. He says 1 thing and we agree as a. Ouple then he does what he wants. He love bombed me after 5 days of stone walling me and promised never to do it wnd to make it thr best trip ever. Only to do it 4 more times since we been here.
We are in am Air B'n'B with some snacks and smoothie pouches in the cupboard only.

We don't stay with inlaws anymore as they hwve an issue with boundaries with kids and myself. Privacy is a massive issue. I tried in the past but they are cultural and don't care. Can be t9lerated for 1 or 2 days not weeks of a holiday.

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referring to your first line a woman is not an excuse for being dramatic, none of this sounds healthy especially for your children you both sound as childish as each other so for the children's sake get home and get help and at least one of you should be mature enough to raise children and this is harsh

Riaanna · 05/05/2025 08:06

HolidayHell2025 · 04/05/2025 23:40

Thank you for assuming everything and nit asking properly.

My younger is breast fed and my eldest is attached to me and has never met gis family abroad he refused to go without me. I encourged DC to go and said it would be fun. I did not withold or imprison. My you fest needs to feed every 2 hours.

And my husband is the one behaving as a child as communication is not important with his partner his wife. We have had years of this but has progressively gotten worse.
I didn't want to come but I was love bombed that it wouod be different and they apologized only to repeat it within weeks.

Thank you for your opinion but you are way off, across the universe way off.

Be very careful berating him for poor communication when he literally did what you told him which you’ve since admitted you didn’t mean. That is not communicating well.

TeaIsNice · 05/05/2025 08:08

you told him to go - he did.

pinkdelight · 05/05/2025 11:15

As women do we say things when emptions are high.

Yeah don't go co-opting 'women' to excuse what you choose to do. Also the 'gaslighting' 'lovebombing' 'stonewalling' are all just ways of making this sound like there's some kind of interesting dramatic dynamic going on here when the reality is the relationship just isn't working and you need to focus on what you're going to do to get out of it rather than staying in this unhealthy loop of behaviour.

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