How would you feel if a guy asked what size you are?

[forestflies]

So I'm talking to a guy, we both like each other, and are just in the early stages. No date/kiss/intimacy. But we text daily and see each other often. There's an age gap, for context.

Earlier this week when texting he made it clear he liked my "curvy figure" and said it's what he goes for. He said I was hot and he does look at my body.

When speaking with him today in person he said he did have a question but didn't know if it would be inappropriate. I prodded as he brought it up so he may as well say it. And he asked "what size" then looked me up and down. It threw me off, and I didn't really answer. He guessed a size (a size larger than I am), and said he almost guessed a size above that, so he was thinking two sizes larger than I am. I was a bit taken back, and didn't know what to make of it. I asked why he wanted to know and he said it was just curiosity. How would you react to this? Do I let it go?

3 possibilities come to mind in no particular order about his behaviour

1. Fetishistic
2. just plain weird and ignorant
3. Intentionally Negging, enjoys trining to make women doubt themselves

Whatever it is, when guys say stuff that make you uncertain about why they’ve said it, and especially when it relates to your identity or personality, pay attention to how you feel about that and consider if you can be bothered with that as it will likely happen again. It sounds like he’s testing your boundaries to me. Uncertainty is not a nice feeling and relationships shouldn’t make you feel like that. I suspect there’s more, much more of that shit in any future with this charmer.

He sounds like a weirdo. Surely if he's attracted to you at the size you are, the size of clothing you wear shouldn't matter, unless he's planning on buying you clothing?! Plus, does anyone really know what size they are?! I have clothing that varies between a 6 and a 12 depending on the shop and the fit I want from the item of clothing, if I can't find something in my usual size (8/10) and I really want it, I will try on the size above or below and if it fits, I'd buy it. No one is an exact size all the time, and shop sizes vary massively, as does my body depending on the time of the month. I have certain bras and tops that won't fit when I'm on my period, as my boobs swell up two sizes for a week of the month!

I wouldn’t see him again.
it great to feel desired by someone but I don’t want to be a fetish. It shows they don’t view you as a person, just a sex thing.
yuck

It tells you that’s he has a fetish and doesn’t not care for your comfort or boundaries.
He sounds incredibly immature to me.

Unsolicited? Without relevance or purpose? I’d be tempted to tell him I’m a size “my right palm fits his left cheek at speed”! And suggest he phrases his question differently!

This idiot is only interested in your body. Unless this is a purely sexual relationship and you’re onboard with that, and you’re comfortable with being an object - then this guy needs his marching orders.

Don’t try and change him, don’t wait and see. This only gets worse.

Exactly my thoughts

Does it matter though if he thinks she is his type? Surely a better thing to be wanted as a larger lady that for him to put her down for her size and make her feel bad

There’s a difference between having a ‘type’ and having a fetish. Liking bigger / curvier women is one thing, but obsessing over specific size/weight and trying to get women to talk about that, or encouraging them to gain weight, having fantasies about feeding them etc, is quite different.

Definite red flag

Best case scenario is he’s asking because he wants to get you lingerie, worst case is he’s doing it to undermine your confidence. More than likely he’s asking so he can tell other people either in a fetishising way or a bragging way. It would give me the ick.

I once chatted to a bloke online who wanted to meet up. He rang me and said he really liked the look of me and my voice but had to ‘warn’ me that he wouldn’t date a woman who had boobs less than a 40dd!! I said that’s fine as I didn’t date anyone with a penis less than 8 inches. Hung up and blocked. What a tosser!

Does he live on Bristol?!

Had similar 🙄

Why do men think they can say things like that? Other than being a dickhead.

This ^^ 👏🏽

I would tell him to bugger off. I once did a speed dating thing back in the dark ages of dating, and had a guy ask me my surname. Not because he was being a stalker. He wanted to know if I had the right lineage and ethnic background to produce his prized offspring. I did not tell him and he was an immediate pass.

Is there really many of these ‘feeders’ about though? Far more likely in this case that he just wants a larger lady, some men do

I would look at his crotch area and say: ‘I’m guessing the size of your knob. I’d say you’re a small.’

I once had a friend who’s husband wanted her to be and remain a size 10, she was always on a diet, and always wore terrible clothes that didn’t fit her well because she/he insisted she was a 10 and in fact she’d have looked so much better in a 12. I just hope he doesn’t have this kind of agenda

It feels like Buffalo Bill vibes from Silence of the Lambs! Nopes!!!!!!

I don't think my DP has a clue what women's sizes look like, or cares. More to the point, even if he did I'm pretty sure he would never ask someone what size they were.

He's fetishising you. You already feel uneasy so with your gut and steer well clear.

It puts me right off men that are interested in dress size, bra size and weight, I wouldn’t be comfortable discussing it with a man in the early stages at all. Not only is it fetishising you but they can use it to neg you.

Ew. Is he a chubby chaser?

Red flag.

I’m not saying he’s necessarily a feeder. I’m saying he fetishises bigger women. Wanting to know precise sizes and trying to get women to talk about that is a common element of that kind of fetish.

He already knows what the OP looks like. There is no reason for him to want to know her actual dress size at this stage unless he has a fetishistic attitude to women where he fantasises specifically about women who are in a very particular size range. The fact he guessed her at being bigger than she size suggests wishful thinking on his part.

Of course lots of men like bigger women but most normal men who just like plus size women as a ‘type’ don’t start conversations about someone’s dress size in that way.

Very weird, he knows what you look like in person so the only reason to ask would be to buy you something surely.