Showed up at his place and got dragged

[Daisy556]

was With him for 4 years, he cheated in that time and we’ve tried to work things out. Since then it’s been about 2 years. I’ve been off with him, mean, cold, short tempered. The other week trying to go on his phone & I realise passcode has changed & then he blamed it on me invading his privacy. He gave me the passcode and then the changes it again 2 days later and refuses to give it so I said u either give it or leave. He came into my face and I punched him away, wasn’t hard atall.
he decided to leave that night and since then been saying he doesn’t want the relationship, I then suggested a break. Which he was like yh.. 4 days in I just feel something isn’t right and we start talking again, talking about accepting relationship is over: him saying we can still be friends. He keeps ignoring my calls, and then at a certain time at night going silent.

last night which I would say literally 10pm just gone I drove down there to just collect my things and just move on with my life but as I ring the bell, he comes down and blocks the entry and I’m just thinking this is so strange. So I’m attempting to walk up the stairs bc he’s never ever been like this and he’s dragging me back, grabbing my whole body and pulling me down the stairs, literally we was there for a good 5 mins.

till he finally said “im seeing someone else”, I told him yh that’s fine im here to collect my things. As in the past he’s told me im welcome at any time. Girl walks over to the door as im screaming out of the amount of pain im in as he’s stopping me fr entering and he still trying to stop me from seeing her. Eventually girl leaves and he speaks to her in polish so I haven’t got a clue what’s being said and we talk and he says in those 4 days since that night he feels nothing for me. He was telling the night after he wouldn’t give me his passcode that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and he has never ever said this so I thought it was just out of character and the amount of times I’ve said that to him and next day we’re back together like nothing is normal.

anyways yes he said he’s moved on and seeing someone new in just 4 days out of a 4 year relationship and won’t tell me when he started speaking to her and he also has 2 phones which I was unaware about. I’m presuming the other one had her on there and normal phone everyone else. He’s also save me as N in his phone.
i just need help processing everything. I know i will never ever go back to that man and i dount he’ll ever come back as I dashed his food all over his room and himself.
I just feel numb to it all. How easily he can move on..

pls just help me process all this.

Kindly OP, just stop.
Stop and breathe.
He doesn't want you, it's over.
He had every right to refuse you access to his home, you were trespassing on his property.
You need to stop all contact, block his number, get therapy and move on with your life.

I mean if you were a man people would be calling you abusive

She is, and people are.

I kept wondering what the poor neighbours were making of this in the middle of the night.

Tbh you didn't cover yourself in glory there , but it happens and plenty of people would have acted the same.
Block him . Forget him , it doesn't sound like you were right for each other and concentrate on yourself for a few months and you will realise you are well rid .
Don't fall for it if he tries to come crawling back , your worth more than that .

Oh yes op he’s so helpful and kind.
Hes neither of those things and your life will be better if you never again see him, speak to him, or think about him again.

no I didn’t as we had been civil talking for the past couple days. The fight happened bc I was taken back by another woman in his house after he told me he wasn’t talking to anyone

I am done with him now, I sent him some harsh words this morning but other than that; I’m done. I feel drained and I’ve wanted to leave for years but I just couldn’t bring myself to do so.

He also suggested us being friends the other day, I’m not sure why he would want to still be my mate if I’m that horrible and awful to him

@Daisy556
Please block him and work out how to be nice to yourself as a single person.

You will be happier without him.but block and do not unblock.

Find some nice things to do with friends and start to recover.

If a man had come on here and said he punched his girlfriend because she got in his face as she wouldn't let him see her phone after she cheated on him, he would be demonised.

The pair of you are utterly pathetic, shouldn't be in the same room as each other let alone together. Both of you are abusive but whatever he did doesn't excuse your violence.

You also don't drive round to someone's house at 10pm to 'collect your things', you went round to catch him out and you succeeded. Well done you!

I doubt he’ll ever come back as he said he never wants to speak to me or see me again but I’ll definitely be focusing on myself, I have lost all hope in love and relationships and I am feeling like I never want to be in one again

Additionally, if you’re an adult woman in the UK he can’t really force you to have an abortion.

I've read many accounts, both on here and from the other side on male dominated forums, in which the male did essentially (using every means of coercion at his disposal).force his partner to have a termination.

Force might have to be physical, by common parlance, but coercion does not.

No I went round there to get closure and collect my stuff as we had planned to do so the following week but all this talking in between was killing me and I wanted it over with but seeing that he moved on so quickly, I reacted very unhinged

Reactive abuse in an abusive relationship.

Cheating is very much a form of abuse. Whether it is intentional abuse or not

Some very unnecessarily unpleasant posts, as always on this forum., to a vulnerable op.

They've been reported, hopefully they'll be deleted.

i do realise I acted crazy and shouldn’t have barged my way in and done what I did but he started it by pushing me for no reason when I tried to enter calmly like I usually do

He cheated which is an appalling thing to do. But you made an informed decision to stay. And kindly OP from what you have written, since that point you have been struggling with the affair. Which has caused some really problematic behaviour from your side.
Regardless to cheating you have no right to demand to see his phone. If you don't trust, the relationship is dead anyway. You have no right to punch someone, lightly or otherwise. Roles reversed you can imagine the uproar. Since you split, you have exchanged decent communications, but turning up unannounced at 10pm isn't acceptable either on the pretence of collecting belongings. That wasn't what happened, you went to check on him and frankly, you had no right.
I really think you'd benefit from some therapy. Work through your trust issues prior to any new relationship. And, no more messages to him or any form of contact. It's over. The last thing you need is a harassment claim.

Op, when you catch someone cheating ...bear thing is just to get out.

Trying to have a relationship with a cheater is pointless and ends up causing the cheated on person to go mad.

It was a mistake to keep seeing him.

I know it's very painful and devastating to end a relationship but the pain will fade eventually.

You suspected him of continuing to cheat and you couldn't relax and you couldn't trust him, and you were right!

There is zero way he has a new gf in four days.

There is no reason for him to keep changing his phone passcode.

He just kept you in his rotation of women (which cheated always have) until it didn't suit him anymore. Cause you were checking up on him, cause you were suspicious, cause you weren't making it easy for him, cause he was getting hassle. Cheaters don't want hassle, they want someone who's naive, or who suspects they're not the only woman he's involved with but meekly accepts that and sticks their head in the sand because their self esteem is so low.

He was a cheater, he kept cheating.

There are men out there who don't cheat. I've been in relationships with a few of them.
They are not all like him. Don't let him and your experience with him ruin you for future relationships.

And, no more messages to him or any form of contact.

Yeah he's a cheater, liar and shit relationship material.

He's not worth getting into trouble over. He's not worth people being able to claim you're crazy or unhinged or whatever over.

You’ ve both behaved in a not very appealing fashion. Be glad this relationship is over

He started it is just another version of “she made me do it”.

And given the actions you chose to do once inside the house, wasn’t he sensible to keep you out. It seems you don’t see yourself as someone who will walk away with their dignity intact, which is dooming yourself to getting into the same type of shitty relationship next time round.

Have you at least blocked him on all fronts?