Partner ended relationship. 5 week old baby

[Gettingonmynerves1]

I gave birth 5 weeks ago. My partner has been fantastic - really hands on, doing his fair share, assisting with my recovery, I honestly couldn’t love him more. He helped enormously as I required a c section in the end.

I won’t lie though, I have found the last 5 weeks incredibly tough, physically, mentally and emotionally. At one point I wondered if I had postnatal depression but I no longer think thats the case. I definitely have had a bit of anxiety which is starting to clear. Overall, I am starting to feel much better mentally, but I am exhausted and I am emotional. As such I have been snapping at my partner at times which is difficult as he is doing so much, working full time and taking care of us. I know I’ve been a bitch. I have apologised every time, explained that I am tired and hormonal, but unfortunately it’s got too much for him and he’s said enough is enough, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I am 100% sure that he’s not having an affair.

This stemmed from a conversation last night where I said I wanted to put the bins out and he said he would do it if I hold our son for 3 minutes. I explained that he can just put him down for 3 minutes, I snapped and said he never puts him down and as such it’s making it difficult for me to get ready in the morning when he’s not here. I also asked him the other night not to keep kissing our son first thing in the morning as it was waking him up and I was losing sleep.

I apologised but nothing. Help! He’s truly done

Op, do you treat your family and friends in the same manner

24 hours later, everything will be sorted if you don’t come back on here and look for justification for the way you behaved. Yes, you feel shitty, but you’re in a relationship with him not the rest of us pat you on the back.

btw telling him not to wake a sleeping baby is so completely reasonable I can’t believe that is being used against you.

Surely most of us have never had to tell our DHs not to wake up the baby while they sleep because it’s so bloody obvious.

'Ive had a c section and it’s ok to put the bins out'

Ridiculous comment. Everyone heals differently and I'm sure medically qualified people would not advise to do this.

For those getting laid into the OP, a young woman whose partner has just walked out on her 5 weeks post partum - have a fucking heart! Yes she admits to being tetchy but this is surely normal!
She made no mention of her baby, or how easy or otherwise he is. My first DD was a total nightmare for the first 12 weeks of her life. In those 12 weeks she cried almost constantly and slept for a maximum of 30 minutes at a time which meant that I slept for a maximum of 20 minutes at a time. Unfortunately I had zero help as my husband had washed his hands of us after I refused to have an abortion.
Anyway my point is I still remember the feelings of exhaustion and how hopeless that can make you feel. The OP has said she felt she "wasn't good enough" for her baby. This is not only very sad but obviously not true. She needs support not judgement and if you can't think of anything supportive to say why not in this case just jog on!
OP I hope your partner sees the light and comes back with a bunch of flowers and a cuddle for you. If so have a cuddle, have a wee cry and then try and have a conversation about how you are feeling and how with time you believe it will pass if you can just hold on in there together.
If he doesn't come back gather all the support and sympathy IRL that you can and be as strong as you are able to be. Either way all the best of luck x

Just a piece of advice from post-second child land.
I think when you are a first time parent you can get very het up about policing the way your partner does things. You can get sucked into perfect parenting and thinking there is a right way, if only you know the research or whatever.
focus on 'good enough' and supporting each other, and be forgiving and understanding. Your baby will benefit far more from that (a strong relationship) than from any little attachment improvements you make or force the other to make.

I also agree that OP should get support for post natal anxiety. It's one of these things that we think only happens to other people. If it has at all crossed your mind, it's worth looking into.

I would tell him to grow the fuck up or get the fuck out. He has NO. IDEA. what it feels like to have been through pregnancy and childbirth. So you’ve been a bit tetchy and hurt his precious man feelings? And apologised? And now he’s decided he can’t cope? He’ll need thicker skin than that to get through life. What an incredibly selfish man baby he is. You're better off without him unless he gives his head a serious wobble, comes back with a grovelling apology and promises to never start that shit again. Idiot.

Was just about to type the same thing.
Has to more than being just snappy at times how far does one go for the other to call it quits to say enough is enough.

Gender wars isn't going to get us anywhere.

This
Would be very interesting to have been a fly on the wall in this household in the last few weeks.

Agree.
Hormones and stitches are no excuse to be abusive.

Well, we knew it would be 2 or 3 months of unending chaos and angst. But of course, we didn't realise to what extent.

But this husband thinks it's a suitable time to end his marriage.

Anyone who wakes up a sleeping baby without good cause is a fool. If he would stop doing dumb stuff like that it might help!

The first 4 months are hard but then it gradually gets easier. He might spend a couple of days away and catch up on sleeping then miss you both and come back. If you think you might be even a little ppd go to your GP and get help.

He isn’t leaving or ending the relationship. You said he won’t/can’t put the baby down, so he isn’t going to leave and lose at least 50% of the time he could have with the baby.

Ask a family member to come round and watch the baby when they go to bed, and have a nice meal just the two of you (at home so nobody is worrying about the baby) but with someone watching the baby monitor and doing any changes or feeding that evening. Do a little bit of bonding and talk things through…and it is ok if you both are struggling, just ask for help and it will work itself out

Actually post birth baby blues is 100% fine for her to feel however she feels and there is absolutely no comparison in men's lives to what happens to a woman's body and mind in the blizzard of hormones and exhaustion post birth to any single event in a man's life.
So in this instance the menz can suck it up.

@SirRaymondClench Of course it’s far more taxing for.women, but that doesn’t mean that we have a free pass to be horrible to our partners, does it?

I agree with PP’s that they need some family support if possible. My Mum passed away before my children were born, but my MIL kindly offered to help out us for the first three weeks, which was great. It made a huge difference and gave me more confidence with as we were both abit clueless with our first.

Could anyone help you out?