Partner ended relationship. 5 week old baby

[Gettingonmynerves1]

I gave birth 5 weeks ago. My partner has been fantastic - really hands on, doing his fair share, assisting with my recovery, I honestly couldn’t love him more. He helped enormously as I required a c section in the end.

I won’t lie though, I have found the last 5 weeks incredibly tough, physically, mentally and emotionally. At one point I wondered if I had postnatal depression but I no longer think thats the case. I definitely have had a bit of anxiety which is starting to clear. Overall, I am starting to feel much better mentally, but I am exhausted and I am emotional. As such I have been snapping at my partner at times which is difficult as he is doing so much, working full time and taking care of us. I know I’ve been a bitch. I have apologised every time, explained that I am tired and hormonal, but unfortunately it’s got too much for him and he’s said enough is enough, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I am 100% sure that he’s not having an affair.

This stemmed from a conversation last night where I said I wanted to put the bins out and he said he would do it if I hold our son for 3 minutes. I explained that he can just put him down for 3 minutes, I snapped and said he never puts him down and as such it’s making it difficult for me to get ready in the morning when he’s not here. I also asked him the other night not to keep kissing our son first thing in the morning as it was waking him up and I was losing sleep.

I apologised but nothing. Help! He’s truly done

I reckon OP is smart enough she doesn’t really need telling about the shouting and who said whats. The fact she is feeling bad means she is pretty decent and give another chance would most likely work with this man to make things work (both parties compromising, as is healthy).

He's a fucking knob. As for this: really hands on, doing his fair share, assisting with my recovery OP why are you covering him in glory for literally DOING HIS JOB AS A FATHER AND PARTNER?

I'm sorry OP but he's a spineless twat. Life is tough and we all get shitty with each other at the best of times. You had a baby and major surgery 5 weeks ago.

In sorry but all the posters here blaming hormones are just enabling OP to cop out on her bad behaviour.. and indicative of their own too.

You're a grown up, you can control your actions - that includes not snapping at your partner.

What is it we say when men say they couldn't control themselves? That of course they could they just chose not to?

PICK ME

Oh that phrase takes me back to bossy women telling me I was holding my DD “too much”, (no such thing).

Equally, though OP is well within her rights to put the baby down sometimes and it’s reasonable to suggest to him that it’s helpful for the baby to be put down sometimes. Her baby, and she’s the primary carer.

What everyone else said

He's ready to leave you, along with his five week old child??

What a spineless shit, let him walk

Agree.

How long did you know him before the child was conceived? Why aren’t you married?

You know some men manage to support their partners and babies through actual post partum psychosis? There might be tensions and frayed tempers but what kind of man walks out at 5 weeks?

It really isn't as hard for fathers in the first 5 weeks - they haven't given birth, aren't dealing with hormonal surges and aren't breastfeeding. He doesn't have breasts which will harden when his baby cries, in fact he may well be able to sleep through his baby's cries.

He really isn't as tired as the OP, he wouldn't have the energy to leave if he was.

'He's not a deadbeat Dad'?

He's just left his 5 week old baby, you have a pretty low bar. But the important thing for the OP is that she doesn't cry when promising to be nicer to him if he goes back.

You both sound exhausted and he’s completely overreacted. Has he actually gone or just said that he’s going in the heat of the moment?

If he hasn’t gone, I’d suggest that you give each other some space and talk again tomorrow. Tbh, if he’s not on paternity leave and is working long hours Monday-Friday, it doesn’t sound like a good idea for him to be getting less sleep than you during the week. Can he let you go to bed early during the week and let you sleep at the weekends?

"you seem to be defending him and blaming yourself in your post"

She really doesn't - just slating a man who can do nothing right for doing nothing wrong

He's giving up on her not the baby! & Yes getting constantly nit picked at everything then told to be less touchy to your child was clearly the final straw BUT I dont know how'd you'd fix it....

Leave the door open though. Work on yourself & dedicate specific time to spending days out/celebrating holidays - always invite him to be apart of it & hope for the best.

Quite - but you'll get slated for pointing this out

"The worst I have said when I was really struggling was that I wanted to walk away and not come back as baby boy can do better"

To be honest, it sounds pretty much like you and your partner are in much the same place as each other emotionally

Of course you're stressed and anxious. You've just grown and birthed a baby, that a huge physical and mental ordeal. Cut yourself some slack. I would say he has to some extent too and that you will both be exhausted. Take a breather and regroup. Can a trusted family member or mutual friend help mediate a conversation between you both?

He will come back when he realises you can’t just walk out of newborn baby bickering. It happens a lot, people are stressed

I think this will pass...just give him time. These first weeks are extremely tough. I sincerely hope that he doesn't walk out on his five week old son and partner.

He dislikes my family and how they have been, that’s where the main bone of contention falls.

It’s interesting that your family are the main bone of contention yet this all you’ve written about it, one sentence. You seem to be focusing on other things while glossing over this aspect when by your own admission this is where a lot of your problems lie.

What exactly is the problem with your family? Why doesn’t he like them? How have they been / what have they done? How have you responded to your partner about it?

I feel sorry for him based on what’s been said in here. So many apologists for poor behaviour.

Maybe he's sleep deprived, fed up with getting snapped at, feels like he can't do anything right and reacted emotionally? It works both ways! Having a newborn can be tough. He most likely doesn't mean it but isn't in his right mind for the moment.

This depends a lot on what “snappy” is and how frequent, but even so, 5 weeks is absolutely nothing. Was it a planned pregnancy? Was he excited about having a baby?

The going gets tough when you have a baby, it tests any relationship. Of course you’re more snappy than usual, you’ve had a baby and are exhausted. If he is prepared to throw the towel in that easily then you’re better off without him. I agree in what you say about putting the baby down. Makes life very hard indeed if they need to be constantly held, so you’re right to ask him to put the baby down.

See this! I’m glad I’m not the only woman who’s actually read the OP. He’s working full time long hours, sleeping less than mama so she can sleep and taking care of his child too so has to be even more sleep deprived than OP by her own admission and that’s without knowing what his job is, on top of it getting criticism from OP. Shame on you women here calling him a deadbeat Dad, newsflash a deadbeat is not involved in the parenting of their child. I don’t know how you read that here. Sounds like they’re both tired emotional and not communicating well with each other. I hope you can both fix this OP x

@Gettingonmynerves1

You have done nothing wrong. Let’s be very clear about that now.
Giving birth is actually a traumatic event mentally and physically. It’s even more traumatic if you have a C-section which is major surgery. Your body is flooded with hormones whilst your entire life changes and you are no doubt extremely sleep deprived. The expectation that your emotional state and behaviour carry on as normal is completely nuts!!

I was honestly unhinged for a good 3 months post giving birth (both times although second was better than first) my hair was falling out I was crying and snapping constantly it was awful. Luckily my DH is a doctor so did what partners should in this situation, put his head down said ‘this is normal you will be ok’ and cracked on until I got through it. Post natal is a storm to be weathered and him leaving you is a failure on his part. Honestly it says a lot about his character. There will always be extremely low and challenging moments in a marriage and he has shown he will run off as soon as it’s not easy. He’s giving you no empathy or credit for what you’ve gone through. Honestly… screw that guy!!