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Original poster

Dating men with kids

107 replies

23BlueLion23 · 01/05/2025 04:54

I have been dating a man for over a year now. He has introduced his kids to me and my child for over seven months now my child and I have spent the night at his house when his kids are around, but he never has his kids spend the night at my house. My house is bigger and nicer. Not that it matters, but there’s plenty of room for everybody. My son has to sleep on the couch. There’s no room for him there. He has no space and shares a bathroom with his kids and guest. My boyfriend refuses to have his kids spend the night because he thinks that would make them be forced to stay at my house and create a problem in our relationship. When I tell him that he is choosing to let the children control our relationship. They are 12 and 16. He denies that and says that if he forces his kids to stay at my house, they will be very upset and it will create a problem in our relationship. We have spent the night in Hotel His parents house so I don’t see the difference and I think he’s just controlling this relationship for no reason. He also prioritizes his kids before me and my child and it’s his way or the highway some might say why am I in this relationship and that’s why I’m trying to decide should I continue And wait it out or should I draw the line at this point?

OP posts:
BlondeAussie · 02/05/2025 13:22

23BlueLion23 · 02/05/2025 12:54

There are kennels and family that have watched the puppy that we just got in February. This relationship is going on 1.5 years. You don’t know who that person is until you see them in real life settlings. We are no longer just dating we are living a real life together. Sorry if that is hard for people to understand. He has his kids over 50 percent of the time not 4 days as made up by some random person on here. None of that matters anyway. Just trying to show a complete picture. Everyone can do whatever they want but we are not going backwards because other people decide to live separately for years and I refuse that and so does my bf clearly he moved on with the last person whom he claimed was terrible yet the more I see the more I know he’s not a victim. Everyone has things they can work on. The question I had was is it odd that someone who has put their 2 kids into our life together is hesitant about sleeping over with them as school is about to end. Especially because he said many times he will but he doesn’t follow through which isn’t like him in other areas of life.

Did you forget what you wrote yesterday?

Dating men with kids
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/05/2025 13:25

I got as far as we bought a puppy together and hit the back button.

baileys6904 · 02/05/2025 13:42

I can only tell you from the experience of successfully blending older children and families, let the kids dictate the pace or they will resent you and make it tougher for years to come.

However it sounds like you're just in love with the idea of a father figure for your child and fuck the consequences. Maybe learn a little from your boyfriend

Snorlaxo · 02/05/2025 17:48

He might be telling you that he wants what you do (lots of men do this to get sex)
I think that YANBU to judge him by his actions which say that he doesn’t want to fully blend.
I think that 18months is a short relationship and he shouldn’t be a father figure yet tbh. I understand that a father for your son is what you’re after but I’d be more cautious considering that you’ve not been together very long. When there’s kids involved, the timelines should be slower than with childless people

Littlejellyuk · 02/05/2025 18:18

23BlueLion23 · 02/05/2025 12:54

There are kennels and family that have watched the puppy that we just got in February. This relationship is going on 1.5 years. You don’t know who that person is until you see them in real life settlings. We are no longer just dating we are living a real life together. Sorry if that is hard for people to understand. He has his kids over 50 percent of the time not 4 days as made up by some random person on here. None of that matters anyway. Just trying to show a complete picture. Everyone can do whatever they want but we are not going backwards because other people decide to live separately for years and I refuse that and so does my bf clearly he moved on with the last person whom he claimed was terrible yet the more I see the more I know he’s not a victim. Everyone has things they can work on. The question I had was is it odd that someone who has put their 2 kids into our life together is hesitant about sleeping over with them as school is about to end. Especially because he said many times he will but he doesn’t follow through which isn’t like him in other areas of life.

"The question I had was is it odd that someone who has put their 2 kids into our life together is hesitant about sleeping over with them as school is about to end. Especially because he said many times he will but he doesn’t follow through which isn’t like him in other areas of life."

So to read that again...
"Is it odd that someone who has put their 2 kids into our life together"
That makes it sound like he injected them 2 kids into YOUR already established life/relationship. NOPE!
It's the other way around queen!
He injected /PUT YOU Into THEIR ALREADY ESTABLISHED FAMILY LIFE TOGETHER.

I think he's basically tried to fob you off and say it will all happen - to keep you hanging around, when actually nothing will change any time soon.
His willy isn't worth it.
Walk away.
Enjoy your little boy.
And your swimming pool.
And your dog.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 07/05/2025 17:42

It's absolutely mad you think him prioritising his kids over you and your relationship is a bad thing. Honestly, at this stage, I'd be keeping things separate, see him when your kids aren't there or (if they're always there or the timings don't work out) have babysitters. It's nice to have met his kids and get on well, but you're not a family, he has a family (him and his kids) and you have yours (you and your son). In a while, if you decide to blend then you will need to prioritise one another's kids and look at a home together for everyone, but for now, enjoy dating and expect that his kids come before you always.

capybaraqueen · 07/05/2025 19:02

Yet another thread with selfish adults putting their needs ahead of traumatized children. There seems to be one a week.

OP there are many ways to find joy in life and be happy without being in a relationship. Perhaps you could try it.

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