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Original poster

DH won’t consider getting a cleaner

86 replies

TomatoTrousers · 29/04/2025 16:40

The house isn’t cleaned regularly enough for my standards. Some things are hardly ever getting done eg floors. I want to employ a cleaner to do bathrooms, floors, skirting boards, internal windows. That would leave me with keeping up with kitchen, laundry, the usual daily stuff.
I work four days a week and DH works five. We have two young children, on my free day I have DC with me. I try to do stuff that day but can’t get round to mopping floors or internal windows as well as laundry, cooking, general tidying. Plus wanting to spend time with DC!
I have had a slight increase to my salary so want to employ a cleaner but DH has said no he doesn’t want someone in the house and the house isn’t that bad. But I think it is.
Whats the mature way to move forward with this? DH does some housework but won’t want to do more. With the kids he can’t do much more than wash up or empty dishwasher on an evening. And it’s hard at the weekend as kids want to do stuff.

OP posts:
Rocknrollstar · 29/04/2025 17:08

Lower your standards? Accept that things can’t be done as often as you would like. Alternatively, have a row with your DH and get a cleaner. Quite honestly, your house is not as bad as you think it is and your children are happy. So why worry about it?

Hotflushesandchilblains · 29/04/2025 17:08

What is DHs answer to the issue then? You feel the house needs more work doing to clean it, he does not want to do it, you do what you can but cant get to all the jobs needing to be done and are willing to use your increase to fund it. If he does not want someone in the house, what is his solution then? He cant just say no and leave it there.

Seaoftroubles · 29/04/2025 17:14

If you are paying for it yourself why not get a cleaner anyway? The alternative is that he steps up and does his share of cleaning.

TheLurpackYears · 29/04/2025 17:16

Keep the money in cash under your mattress (or tampon box), it will serve you better in the long run.

Soontobe60 · 29/04/2025 17:17

You really dont need his permission.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/04/2025 17:18

Hire the cleaner on your day off so you are in the house "supervising" maybe look for a cleaner that is well recommended by someone your husband also knows.

TomatoSandwiches · 29/04/2025 17:19

Or you have the children on a Saturday, he can wash the floors and skirting.
He has the children Sunday and you can do the windows and another task.

CoastalCalm · 29/04/2025 17:20

I didn’t ask permission to get a cleaner - if it had been an issue I’d have did he could start cleaning bathrooms etc to help out. I have cleaner every two weeks for a morning and it means I have energy to tackle the daily stuff like laundry and dishwasher / kitchen wipe downs

No3392 · 29/04/2025 17:22

My cleaner is my favourite expense. I'd cut so many more things before her.

Just do it. Sod him.

nopineapplepizza · 29/04/2025 17:31

Agree that he’ll do certain tasks I.e. clean the bathroom and hoover upstairs X times a week, plus empty the dishwasher and do Y loads of washing.

Do NOT remind him of any of these tasks, they should just be on his To Do list now and get done to a high standard and without your instruction.

The first time he doesn’t do any of them, hire a cleaner, explain you don’t want to be a “nag” (horrible term) and that if he’d just done the jobs like he said he would (& we all know he won’t, those tasks will slide after the first couple of weeks) you wouldn’t need one.

Obviously, there’s a chance he will actually step up and take on his fair share of chores, in which case that’s a win and you can admit you didn’t need a cleaner, you just needed him to pitch in more.

2024onwardsandup · 29/04/2025 17:35

I bet you do more domestic labour than him even taking into account your one day not working

get a cleaner

ans sit down and do a proper audit of ALL the time spent on domestic labour and allocate it 50%

ButterCrackers · 29/04/2025 17:41

What cleaning does he do? He can continue to do this whilst you pay a cleaner to do your 50/50 share.

outerspacepotato · 29/04/2025 17:55

Who does most of the cleaning? If it's you, you get to make that decision.

notsureyetcertain · 29/04/2025 17:59

Either he does the cleaning on one of his days off and you have kids or you do it and he takes kids out . If he’s not keen get a cleaner.

LocalHobo · 29/04/2025 18:01

I think it is important to respect your DH's views on not being happy to have an employee in the house. It is equally important for him to respect your views on a necessary level of cleanliness.
The solution is either he does the cleaning that you would be happy to pay for, or he agrees to back down and you employ paid help.

StClabberts · 29/04/2025 18:01

Make sure not getting a cleaner has as much impact on him as it does you.

mathanxiety · 29/04/2025 18:09

What exactly is his objection to 'having someone in the house'?

That is just really weird.

Cynic17 · 29/04/2025 18:09

Why is it up to him? What would happen if you just hired a cleaner? Give it a try!

Or, yes, just lower your standards a bit - most of us can survive a bit of dirt, and excessively clean houses can be unwelcoming.

outerspacepotato · 29/04/2025 18:10

mathanxiety · 29/04/2025 18:09

What exactly is his objection to 'having someone in the house'?

That is just really weird.

Really. What if you guys needed a plumber or furnace repair?

WTF.

mathanxiety · 29/04/2025 18:12

nopineapplepizza · 29/04/2025 17:31

Agree that he’ll do certain tasks I.e. clean the bathroom and hoover upstairs X times a week, plus empty the dishwasher and do Y loads of washing.

Do NOT remind him of any of these tasks, they should just be on his To Do list now and get done to a high standard and without your instruction.

The first time he doesn’t do any of them, hire a cleaner, explain you don’t want to be a “nag” (horrible term) and that if he’d just done the jobs like he said he would (& we all know he won’t, those tasks will slide after the first couple of weeks) you wouldn’t need one.

Obviously, there’s a chance he will actually step up and take on his fair share of chores, in which case that’s a win and you can admit you didn’t need a cleaner, you just needed him to pitch in more.

Yes, and make sure one of his jobs is his own laundry from start to finish, including ironing, which you would have time to do if there was a cleaner but sadly you're up to your eyeballs.

EatMoreChocolate44 · 29/04/2025 18:14

We got a cleaner for 2 hours fortnightly but it tended to be more work than it was worth. It was always different people, sometimes 2 came for an hour, often they left earlier than the set time but would tell us to pay less when we brought it up but there was loads of stuff they could have cleaned to make up the time (windows, mirrors etc). They wiped surfaces (mostly around things), hoovered and mopped but again they didn't do under the sofa, under the bed etc. We had to tidy the house before they came and it was always a Sunday night trying to clean up the mountain of toys that find their way throughout the house. It took my husband and I a good hour to tidy and to be honest once that parts done it isn't that much extra work to wipe surfaces, hoover and mop. Things weren't properly cleaned either. I always had to go over the toilet again after they left. So anyway unless you get some one really good and reliable then it might be easier doing it yourself.

Mischance · 29/04/2025 18:18

I do think you should lower your standards - I chuckled at the bit about the skirting boards - I have never ever cleaned a skirting board in my entire grandma-age life!

Homes with children are a bit messy - or if not they should be!

If your OH cannot see there is a problem then it is understandable that he is not keen on the idea. But it is your money - spend it as you wish. But it is his home - he is allowed an opinion about who he wants in his home.

Lookingtomakechanges · 29/04/2025 18:21

You might compromise by agreeing not to have the cleaner in very personal spaces like the bedrooms. Could you compromise by having someone to clean just the kitchen, bathroom, living room, hall and stairs really thoroughly?

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 29/04/2025 18:24

Forced choice

"Hi DH,

This is them list of jobs.
Your options are

  • tell me a time weekly /monthly you will commit to doing them
  • agree we hire a cleaner.

If you dont pick one i will hire a cleaner"

ManyATrueWord · 29/04/2025 18:24

Bollox to him. If he was managing the house he would be cleaning. If you are managing the house you make the decisions.