DH won’t consider getting a cleaner

[TomatoTrousers]

The house isn’t cleaned regularly enough for my standards. Some things are hardly ever getting done eg floors. I want to employ a cleaner to do bathrooms, floors, skirting boards, internal windows. That would leave me with keeping up with kitchen, laundry, the usual daily stuff.
I work four days a week and DH works five. We have two young children, on my free day I have DC with me. I try to do stuff that day but can’t get round to mopping floors or internal windows as well as laundry, cooking, general tidying. Plus wanting to spend time with DC!
I have had a slight increase to my salary so want to employ a cleaner but DH has said no he doesn’t want someone in the house and the house isn’t that bad. But I think it is.
Whats the mature way to move forward with this? DH does some housework but won’t want to do more. With the kids he can’t do much more than wash up or empty dishwasher on an evening. And it’s hard at the weekend as kids want to do stuff.

When my now son in law moved in with my daughter he declared they did not need a cleaner as ‘we’ could do it. He meant she could. My daughter should dismiss the cleaner.

They have a cleaner.

Yes, it’s a privilege, not maybe strictly necessary.

You’re busy. You want to live in an orderly home. He steps up his input or a cleaner is hired

my husabnd is the same. hes a hoarder so having one would be difficult. He told me 'I dont want anybody riffling through my underpants!'
he barely allows for any services at all.

this was only one tiny thing but I ended up in psychosis

I bet he wouldn't hesitate to call in a plumber.

A cleaner is not an employee. A cleaner is a self employed individual providing home cleaning services, paid per job.

Why did you ask his permission? He's not your boss. I would rather give up other things if money was tight, but I need my cleaner. I wouldn't even consider asking my husband for permission for her to come. I just go ahead and organise it. Just as if he wants someone to pressure wash drive he either does it himself or pays someone to come and do it.

@TomatoTrousers he has two choices. Every week he does the jobs you want the cleaner to do or you get a cleaner. They're his options and you are happy to go with either. However if he chooses to do the tasks himself but doesn't do them, then you will be getting a cleaner. You're doing more than your share of the chores, he needs to step up or let you get help.

Given my own experiences I’m with your DH.

I would love to have a cleaner. But IME they’re all more of a hinderence than a help, and in many instances a liability.

I’ve had cleaners through three different agencies:

The first ones left the house in a complete state, so I reported them and the agency replaced them.

The second ones were more clever, and I caught her on the landing with the vacuum running and pretending to clean while she scrolled on her phone.

The 3rd one (through a different agency) was a scammer who sent me messages asking for money. Ihad her fired from the agency.

The last couple of attempts with a different agency - one stole, the other did barely anything. There was only one who was any good, but she was a supervisor who picked up jobs when there wasn’t anyone else available so I couldn’t have her as a permanent.

Friends have had similar experiences. Cleaners who steal, do a shit job, are unreliable.

You might get the occasional decent one, but after these experiences my view is honestly never again.

Actually there is a third option, the children are at day care on your day off so you can do the work you want the cleaner to do.

Dump the man, get the cleaner.

Only half joking.

Honestly OP, why are you letting him dictate to you how to live your life?

Get the cleaner, you both pay half.

And if he refuses, you have a bigger problem because he does not respect your wish for a cleaner environment.

How is it wrong to hire a cleaner instead of doing all your own cleaning, but OK to hire a plumber?

In any case, his "no" can't be the end of the discussion as the problem hasn't been solved. If you really have too much to do and can't get to your half (or whatever %, if you're taking on more to offset his extra work day) can you reevaluate how responsibilities are divided up and see if he can take on something else? Or perhaps the children can do an extra morning or afternoon at daycare, etc. to free up your time.

No way would I put my children in day care in order to clean floors. OP wants to spend time with her DC. That said, I remember having to drop standards when mine were small. I concentrated on keeping the kitchen and bathroom clean and working on getting everyone to pick up their stuff and put it away. It gets easier as they get older.
However, I completely support OP employing a cleaner if it is affordable.

How about suggesting a “one off” clean to your DH?
I have the tiniest house and it’s just me and my DH. We had both been unwell and decided we’d ask someone who cleaned for a neighbour to do a one off clean for us to get things back on track
It made such a difference that we decided to have a clean once a month for two hours- we are both agreed that it is definitely the best money we spend each month