Would you run for the hills?

[Heregoes234]

Okay this is a weird one. I started seeing a guy last year. It moved fast and at times I told him he was being a bit intense and felt like he was love bombing me. Such as saying he loves me in two months..
He showers me with affection and after coming out of a previous relationship two years prior, which was abusive and cheating involved I think feeling like the apple of someone’s eye was nice. My friend said maybe I needed that and it’s okay for me to end it if my feelings have changed.

But as more time goes on, at the six month mark I am realising there is aspects about him and things he does that makes me feel
uncomfortable and disrespected. Here’s the thing I don t know if it’s me being silly or insecure.

I saw him liking provocative pics on social media at first and thought not nice to see, childish at most but this is where it started and I then noticed more. Such as going out for the day with him and seeing him have visual reactions to young women such as stopping mid conversation and going oh my god and watching them walk away. When it happens I’ll feel shocked and awkward as not been with a guy who acts this way.

Then here’s the one I find the worst, he journals. So everyday he writes about his day what impacted him and what he done.
He takes it everywhere with him and yesterday evening I was making him dinner and he asked for a hug, when I hugged him I saw a sentence he just wrote saying he found his flat mate to be really pretty with doe eyes and these were things he says about me and I don’t know am I being precious is he a bit of a creep? I brought it up and said I feel uncomfortable that he wrote that whilst with me and feels that way about his flat mates.

This isn’t the first time. I would never go through someone’s journal but admit at the beginning of the relationship he sent me a video flicking through his journal to me to show his handwriting, and I read a bit of it and when I did every page he wrote about women he hired at work calling them tasty, to women at the gym to his friends gfs in the same fashion.

I think it’s given me the ick. I know this all sounds childish and people will suspect I’m young but I’m actually 30. Tell me to get a grip I don’t know what to make of it. I expressed in a relationship early on I don’t like it when guys lust over women in front of me and know it’s natural but prefer my partner to be more discreet. After breakdown of my last relationship I had to work on my self esteem and I feel this won’t help me.

He thinks I’m being silly and these are very minor things.

Definitely red flags. How disrespectful to stop mid conversation and gawp at someone else.

OP - you have made the right decision. Please don't even think about being his 'friend' - he will just attempt to real you back in with less expectations on him.

This is GROSS behaviour. I am a very confident woman but would be appalled at a man going on and on about how attractive other women are... He would have been dumped after the first time he stretched his neck to perv at a woman in front of me. So disrespectful to you and sounds like he could definitely become seriously abusive.

I would block him.

100% you were right to run for the hills. No question. Please don't doubt yourself again over very obvious red flags.

Run! I just left a guy who became a bit like this. All very intense in the beginning. He would tell me he loved me, was his soulmate etc etc but actively tell me if he saw a beautiful woman, what he liked about her etc. it used to make me feel uncomfortable. Once he accidently linked his search history to my email (no idea how but it would come up in my search history what he had been viewing) it shocked me.
The ones who are creepy and sexist usually tend to be the ones who make homophobic and racist jokes as well in my experience .

If they give you creep vibes, leave. These sexist, creepy guys are often the ones who have no respect for women and eventually go on to abuse. He won't change so unless you are happy to carry on like that I'd get running for the hills now.

You are not being silly and these are not minor things. Hang on to your feelings about this, OP. Why did he send you a video of his journal in which you could easily read that he's drooling over other women? Why did he even make such a video on the first place? He's being weird, and he's wanting to make you jealous probably. Getting the ick is a reasonable response. He needs to go.

Jeez, the first time he stopped in mid sentence to ogle some woman's and say OMG I'd have walked away and left him with his mouth hanging open. Good that you've told him it's over. Stick to your guns and don't let this utter creep worm his way back in. Block him and move on.

My view is: If you're mentally questioning things, your gut is telling you things aren't right.

He thinks I’m being silly and these are very minor things.

So if you did the same things re other men, he'd be all cool & chilled with it?

I bet not.

I think he is being disrespectful to you by doing what he is doing, I appreciate it is only visual but to stop talking to you and mention it is not appropriate - he should just keep it to himself and perhaps think it in his head - it must make you feel terrible

And then just send a msg after I didn’t respond saying do you want me to come over there and punish you for being silly

WTAF.

No, you've done the right thing.
Keep him blocked.

Next time, if ever there is one (I hope not!), please don't use the word "sadly" - it sounds far too apologetic. Don't soften your message.

It's "Yes it is the end, I don't want to continue, all the best, goodbye,". Be direct, don't soften the message, or explain your reasons, you know him zero, arrogant twats like him think you're "being silly" and all you need is him to give you a seeing to, to make you see sense.

i amend my previous post, he isn't from Andrew Tate's charm school, he is AT's twin! Urghhh

I saw him liking provocative pics on social media at first and thought not nice to see, childish at most but this is where it started and I then noticed more. Such as going out for the day with him and seeing him have visual reactions to young women such as stopping mid conversation and going oh my god and watching them walk away. When it happens I’ll feel shocked and awkward as not been with a guy who acts this way.

I think most people would be uncomfortable seeing their partner like provocative pics online.

I think most people would be very uncomfortable indeed if their partner was stopping mid conversation, saying omg while looking at other women/men and very obviously watching them walk away.

I've dated two men who behaved a teeny bit like that, but just staring. No stopping conversation, no saying omg ...and that was bad enough.
The relationships didn't go anywhere for other reasons but they made me v uncomfortable and I'm glad the relationships didn't go anywhere.

One of them was a player/sleaze.
One was the opposite, weirdly, but I don't envy having to deal with that aspect of him. His wife puts up a lot of "my man ..." Posts on FB and was looking at my account because I'm FB friends with him, even though I never browse his (or hers).

Another man I know (partner of a friend) who behaved a little bit like that; seemed to be a cheater.

As you say, most men don't behave like that so ...

The journaling entries are pretty cringe.

If you read all OPs posts he has gone thank god.

He sounds ridiculous and embarrassing. Is that all he’s got to write about in his diary? He sounds like a bit of a saddo.

do you want me to come over there and punish you for being silly

He thinks he can deal with a dumping by pretending it's not happening and hitting you up with BDSM lines??

It's almost funny.

But creepy.
His other behaviour is creepy too.

Agreed.

The "omg" while looking at women and watching them walk away .... Likewise.

It would be bad enough if he was not partnered up but with a partner there ..... Wtf.

His behaviour is so nuts you have to wonder if he's following some red pill/pick up artist strategy about negging & manipulating women.

Yeah that’s what he means by it.

I’m just grateful for this thread he made out being upset over these things are silly.

His ex surprise hated his journals and took one from ten years ago to fuck with him when they broke up. 🤣

Just read he's 35.

Fuck, this would be bad for a very young man, let alone a 35 yr old

His ex surprise hated his journals

If he notes who he fancies/finds attractive in them, little wonder.

Yeah I straight up asked him did she find this an issue and he said she found everything an issue but it was more her reading about the arguments they had. But apparently she also struggled body image wise and I imagine reading him lust over young women he hired at work to his mates gfs probably got to her too.

I honestly thought this thread would be hit by the cool wife squad and be told to grow up over finding those things upsetting. Reassuring to know I’ve done the right thing here.

But apparently she also struggled body image wise

I think I'd be struggling body image wise if my partner was browsing & liking provocative pics online, staring at women when out and about, stopping mid convo and exclaiming omg while looking at other women, and journalling about his female house mates' looks.

I'm pretty immature but I couldn't have finished with this guy before sitting beside him watching til tok and YouTube shorts of male models, actors, male fitness influencers, male dancers etc. I'd have gotten a journal and written about men I'd met and their looks right beside him. I'd have stopped in the street and stared at any attractive guys, said "wow," to myself, and watched them til they were out of sight - if he said anything I'd have said "what did you say sorry?"absently.

He needs a dose of his own medicine.

He's ridiculous.

I'm really glad that this thread has given you the confidence to know that your reactions to his behaviour were quite right.

You realised that he was a sleaze and got rid of him. Well done!

But always remember its about what you are happy with. Even if its something other women dont mind, if you dont like it and your not happy then you can leave a relationship at any time.