Hello,
Need some family advice. Pls be kind and sorry for this long post. I think these details are important.
I supported my husband through when he was not working for 7 years ( 2011-17). In 2018, I got redundant and because I was pregnant, I took break from career, which got extended due to covid and then LO put on neurodevelopmental pathway. I really struggled as husband was not helpful and constantly made me feel that since I was not working, I was responsible for every house chore and children. I couldn’t go back to work until recently when I finally got a job ( I was without job from 2019-2024 during which he only paid for food and never gave me any money for my own expenses or taking kids to holiday - for which I drew money from my redundancy money).
Now that I have had a job for last one month, he says he wants 50% of all expenses shared. I agreed saying that I’ll need equality with house chores also. He initially said yes saying he’ll do that, but since I started he has been making more work for himself at office and I end up doing all school runs for the LO ( 6 year old)and cooking and washing. He only helps with putting shopping and LO to bed when he can ( and most days he’ll say he is tired, so I end up doing that also). When I discuss he says he does things for older one ( 15 yo). Our son doesn’t really need any help. He only asks to be driven around sometimes to school or clubs. I do everything else for him.
Today we had a row abt it. And I told him that I’ll not give full half share as he is not sharing duties at home. Instead I’ll deduct some money as if it was being given to a house help to help me. He got very angry and left in a rage saying that if I don’t give 50%, he’ll leave and I can then live with kids on my own.
sorry for this long post, but pls advise me what should I do? We have had a very difficult marriage so far, but stayed together as kids are our priority. But today listening those words from him really shattered me. I am dealing strong with it, but very confused whom to look for support if this thing happens. Pls guide me .