Married 25 Years no sex.

[MrGG]

Help. Male age 55 here. So I been married 25 years (Anniversary just recently). We both work & have 2 beautiful daughters both doing amazing and living away , ages 20/22. We don’t have any intimate life anymore, about 2 years agowe was very active sexually and then one day, whoosh it just stopped, she isn’t having an affair or anything life that, fyi she is 50 and fit, attractive and I call her the nicest person I ever met, she is kind, note: we never argue. Now by accident and without planning I have met someone through work (that is probably ever only going to be a friend), she is intelligent, engaging and we have totally clicked, she is in her 30s and we dont see each other for 2 months at a time due to what jobs we do, but stupid me, I am developing feelings for her of the intimate kind in my head, I literally dreamed of her again last night, is that because my life is so stale ? I don’t want to lose my family, be a cheat etc etc but I can see that my life is far from perfect & I am still active, fit and healthy and have a lot to give in many ways, I am conscious life creeps up quickly and I don’t want to be living my last decades stale, as I am sure my wife doesn’t too. I am at a loss. Any advice welcome. More info / I live in London and go out most weekends and meet all sorts of people, never do I get feelings of this kind for someone else, this woman is special, she is disabled albeit an unnoticeable but very serious condition, I imagine me helping her lead a fulfilling life that she deserves (at any cost to me). Thanks to you for reading this messed up message 😬 Pleas be kind but helpful. Respect.

I can't tell if you have this crush on this woman because you have a dead bedroom, OR if you are justifying your feelings by pointing towards something less than ideal in your marriage. Revision.

I can tell which one it is.

Listen man, you committed to your wife, don't use this as an excuse to betray her, yourself and your vows.

Talk to her.

This girl at work means nothing to you, its all an illusion. Its the idea of it, not reality. Your wife is everything. Everything. Don't blow this.

Step up, talk.

Wow. What?

i am sure he said be nice, not slaughter me lol . Honestly the man wanted advice , got some, said thanks , agreed with advice and still got slaughtered for what benefit of the slaughterers I don’t know. I thought his post was brave, as we can all lose touch with reality, it actually happens so often. Hope he’s okay and makes right decision (talk to wife).

So the other woman is just a crush? She doesn’t even know you like her? Do you actually even know her?
Part of your fantasy is you taking care of her?
You need to get help. Go to therapy and work this out with a professional.
And talk to your wife fgs.

I think you should reread your post back and see how utterly gross and creepy you sound.
This woman is disabled with a short life expectancy so therefore she would take anything she could get as in an old married man.
You actually need to put some effort and focus into your marriage and wife instead of looking for sex with a vunerable younger woman. Speak to your wife about these issues ffs!

I just find these posts so awful. After 25 years and assumably a strong marriage you would walk away for sex? What if you developed prostate cancer tomorrow and you could no longer perform. - would you think it perfectly reasonable for your wife to walk away for sex? You haven't even had a conversation about why.

Youre fantasising as you are unfulfilled.
First, tey to fix what you havem at least give it a try. Speak to your wife, try and fix it. If you can't, gave it time and you want to leave then at least you can hold your heads up and say you tried and hopefully split amicably. Having an affair will just cause misery and pain to the people you love, including your wife who it sounds like you love and respect still.
There are ways of doing things, the right way and the selfish way.

Because you're unfulfilled in your marriage you've built up a fantasy around a woman who has shown interest in you. Which may only be interest of a platonic kind. You have written yourself a story where you leave your family for sex with a younger woman, but manage to be a self sacrificing hero at the same time because you're doing the woman a massive favour because she's disabled. Put like that, its not so romantic, is it? So, is that the guy you are? Or are you a sensible decent man who would at least show your wife of 25 years the respect of a conversation about your marriage before you line up her replacement?

Don't be a dick. Your wife is going through the menopause. Are you researching this? Is she on HRT? Are you two even talking about it? This the woman you've spent 25 years with. She should be your best mate, your lover and your wife. Both of you need to sort this out.

This. Just because this woman has a "disability", doesn't mean the best she can do is charity from a desperate, leathery old creep that is doing her a "favour". WTF

Usually I would 100% agree so don’t apologise, but we both have similar life expectancy, (due to her condition).

😂

Well it’s pretty much all been said - but I think there’s a point here about romance. It’s not just about sex, you want someone to see you as wonderful - hence the kind of teen romance fantasy. So think very hard about what you really want to say to your wife- not in terms of “you never” but more about “I miss.. “ I would really like…“ whatever… a gondola in Venice? Dancing to Blondie? Mountain biking? Couples therapy could be a good call, depending what page your wife is on of course - a completely unknown quantity from this thread. Remember you may have grandchildren - what sort of life and relationships would you like them to see ?

You have not cheated (yet) and you still love and seemingly desire your wife. You have an opportunity to turn this all around, but you need to have some open and honest conversations with your wife.

You've explored this 'alternative' future with this other woman in your mind. It may feel desirable and exciting but think of what you'll lose. You'll never enjoy gatherings with your daughters as you do now, as a family. Who knows what your relationship might look like if you betrayed them and their mother. You'll never enjoy a meal or holiday with your wife where you reminisce about all your shared history and memories. 25 years you've invested and it sounds like you have huge amounts to show for it. Two lovely kids and a wife who you describe as the nicest woman. Don't give up on it for a fantasy. Fight for it. Speak to your wife. Even if you tell her that your head has been turned and it's scaring you. Be honest. It might be hard, she might find it hard, but as long as you're communicating you're giving yourselves the best chance.

Just so horrible. Like a pp said, I hope your wife finds out and divorces you.

Ignorance is bliss ladies !
If you lined up every 50 year old man in the universe that is single , and he had a shot with a hot 30 year old , there isn’t one of them that would say No , it doesn’t make them dirty old men !!!!
The rubbish you read on this sometimes…🙄

That is my definition of a dirty old man.

You are trying to find any reason to cheat on your wife.
DON'T.

100% my view.

The fact that you haven't even had a conversation about your changing relationship with your life says everything.

Shocker. Another male poster whose long serving sex appliance has stopped working and he wants permission to get a shiny new one from Argos.

Jeez, 25 years of married life and two daughters… It all actually means nothing when it comes to getting their dick wet doesn’t it? Depressing.

You lead a sheltered life my friend

Yeah , that’s very true too

Nope. Just high standards.
Not sure why you feel the need to defend men who want to have sex with women barely older than their own children but ok.

You sound like someone I met on Tinder. Keeps telling me about all the big things he has in his life that, hint, hint, he can offer me.

For a 30 something, being a carer to someone 20 years older isn't really fair. 10 year age gap maybe.

I don't know why I bother replying though because men have zero capability to deal with their feelings.

THIS:

1. It is not okay to go from one relationship straight to the next.
2. You need a break between relationships.
3. The first relationship after a breakup is not the one either.

@MrGG I don't know if you need any more feedback OP, but here goes. You wrote "We don’t have any intimate life anymore, about 2 years ago we was very active sexually and then one day, whoosh it just stopped." And when it just stopped, what did you do about it? You write this as if it's somehow inexplicable to you, but it takes two to tango, so this sudden lack of intimacy is down to both of you.
From the very positive things you write about your DW and DDs you have a HUGE amount to lose. If your current feelings for this OW developed into a full-blown relationship, how would you face your DDs? What would you say to them? What do you think they would think of your betrayal - of them and their DM? (This happened with an acquaintance of mine and his DC hold him in utter contempt for breaking their mother's heart and refuse to have any contact with him now.)
You need to resolve this problem in your marriage and starting the conversation is crucial (your DW may also be unhappy). After dinner one evening, turn off the TV and tell your DW you need to talk - "Hey X, we seem to have lost our mojo and I'd really like to talk about it and see what we can do to fix it." Assuming the subsequent conversation reveals you and DW are on the same page, suggest couples counselling and take it from there. You need to focus on what's really important OP - your family - not the OW.
Good luck.