DH Mid Life Crisis

[MyLittleNest]

It's become increasingly clear to me that DH is having a mid-life crisis as he approaches 50. It started about a year ago, with daily (sometimes twice daily) trips to the gym seven days a week and cabinets filled with endless supplements. He bought an entire new wardrobe and is now dressing better than he ever has in his life, despite me hinting at wishing he would dress better many times over the years. He spends more time in the bathroom than a teenage girl. Easily 45 minutes to an hour primping and trying to cover his growing bald spot.

All of this has been annoying, however now it has escalated to him being irritable, short-tempered with everyone in the house, making mean comments about my appearance (which has honestly improved in recent years as I've had more time and money to take better care of myself, and I am younger than him) while bragging about his own, and acting very fatalistic about the future.

Our relationship has its share of issues, but now he keeps saying that he made a big mistake marrying me, yet when I tell him to leave then, he goes silent. He has always been the type who can't laugh at himself and is very defensive, so having a sit down to discuss this would not be productive. He has never been one to admit any fault but now he's taken his ego to a level of almost acting like he's better than everyone else. He frequently remarks that he looks like he is 35, which is obviously not true at all, or that no one believes his age at work. Again...no. I sit quietly through all of these comments. A while back, he bumped into an old friend who recently got divorced and DH constantly says that this friend probably has "tons of girls" wanting him. It's hard not to burst out laughing every time I hear this remark. No offense to this friend, but no. Just no.

I do not see any indication of an affair, for those who may suggest this. DH has always been very complacent, hates change, and quite a loner/not social and none of that has changed. We took a recent vacation which only seemed to add to his bad mood as it's been hell since our return.

I don't know if this is normal or a phase or if I've just reached my limit. We are obviously not in a good place so I am not going to stroke his ego to make him feel better himself, especially when he's acting like he is God's gift. I am just dreading the actual birthday!!!!

I think he has his eye on someone at the gym.

I don’t go to the gym (used to when I was younger) and realise plenty of people on here will do so. All different ladies. I’m not big on social media and although I go out with my DH and friends, we tend to go more to restaurants than big nights out. I’m mentioning this so you understand what I am exposed to in my day to day life.

I was recently working remotely during the day time in a Starbucks which is next to a gym. My car was in a local garage. The number of young women (some with what looked like boyfriends) who came in who looked like Love Island contestants really opened my eyes. I don’t watch it but have seen enough coverage to know these women are very focused on their looks. The young gym women looked very attractive, and would be to men I suspect. And didn’t look like they had done any exercise to be honest, but I assumed it was after their session if they were having coffee/snack. They were also wearing (I know it’s just gym wear) very tight gym clothing, exposing lots of skin. Tanned, hair extensions, lashes, you get the idea. I’m no prude, im
just explaining this as I don’t go to the gym. Yes there will be people wearing baggy t-shirts/leggings etc, but they didn’t seem to come into this Starbucks.

What I’m getting at is if your relationship already has cracks, and you have a DH with a roving eye, then he might sadly have his eye elsewhere. I’m only stating this based on your information in your OP.

People can be very “looks” led. Some men can be very gullible.

How on earth do you find time to go to the gym twice a day. That's absolutely not right in and of itself. Do you go to the gym twice a day too (no way - far too much to do). Massively selfish that. Big no no imo. You should turn around and tell him you're going to the gym tomorrow and need to look after the little ones and sort the menu out. See how he gets on. (I find it extremely tough to menu plan and cook and constructively play with the kids, got to admit.... And I definitely don't go to the gym.... Ever, and definitely not twice a day!)

@Thewookiemustgo did you forgive him?

I reached acceptance that it happened but not forgiveness.

Agree with this. I go to a city centre gym where most members are in their twenties, wear very tight clothing, most of the women have a full face of make-up and not a hair out of place! (No criticism by the way, they look fabulous, good for them). The gym is where a lot of young people look to meet people, potential dates.

I can assure you that these women are only interested in the similar aged “muscle men” wearing tight vest tops and shorts.

However there are always a handful of men aged 50-70 walking around perving at all the young girls, strutting around trying to preen their feathers, with their dad bods and balding hair 😂 It’s my favourite pastime at the gym watching them and suppressing my giggles.

What average age members does your husband’s gym attract? He might not be having an affair, but going to get an eyeful and kidding himself that he can pull there.

I think that men begin to see their OH’s as mother figures. They go from being sexy lovers to ‘nagging old women’ who are finally fed up of doing most of the mental and physical load re house and family life. Thats not what they want.

A lot it seems then begin to resent/hate these women, and want to rebel/fuck them over, reminiscent of teenaged boys with their mums telling them they need to clean their bedroom/ put laundry IN the machine, generally help out etc.

Women however don’t do this to them, despite going through the teenaged years - it’s one way for the majority. Maybe it’s the reverting back to their youth….? Twats.