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Original poster

DH Mid Life Crisis

106 replies

MyLittleNest · 12/04/2025 15:36

It's become increasingly clear to me that DH is having a mid-life crisis as he approaches 50. It started about a year ago, with daily (sometimes twice daily) trips to the gym seven days a week and cabinets filled with endless supplements. He bought an entire new wardrobe and is now dressing better than he ever has in his life, despite me hinting at wishing he would dress better many times over the years. He spends more time in the bathroom than a teenage girl. Easily 45 minutes to an hour primping and trying to cover his growing bald spot.

All of this has been annoying, however now it has escalated to him being irritable, short-tempered with everyone in the house, making mean comments about my appearance (which has honestly improved in recent years as I've had more time and money to take better care of myself, and I am younger than him) while bragging about his own, and acting very fatalistic about the future.

Our relationship has its share of issues, but now he keeps saying that he made a big mistake marrying me, yet when I tell him to leave then, he goes silent. He has always been the type who can't laugh at himself and is very defensive, so having a sit down to discuss this would not be productive. He has never been one to admit any fault but now he's taken his ego to a level of almost acting like he's better than everyone else. He frequently remarks that he looks like he is 35, which is obviously not true at all, or that no one believes his age at work. Again...no. I sit quietly through all of these comments. A while back, he bumped into an old friend who recently got divorced and DH constantly says that this friend probably has "tons of girls" wanting him. It's hard not to burst out laughing every time I hear this remark. No offense to this friend, but no. Just no.

I do not see any indication of an affair, for those who may suggest this. DH has always been very complacent, hates change, and quite a loner/not social and none of that has changed. We took a recent vacation which only seemed to add to his bad mood as it's been hell since our return.

I don't know if this is normal or a phase or if I've just reached my limit. We are obviously not in a good place so I am not going to stroke his ego to make him feel better himself, especially when he's acting like he is God's gift. I am just dreading the actual birthday!!!!

OP posts:
Hoplolly · 12/04/2025 16:50

If he's not cheating, he wants to.

Lampzade · 12/04/2025 16:50

He is either having an affair or is planning to have one with anyone who is willing to have him.
He thinks that he is Billy Big Bollocks now that he goes to the gym and looks 35 ( in his own mind)
The fact that he is criticising your appearance is a major red flag. The fucker thinks he can do better

80s · 12/04/2025 16:55

He also doesn't seem to actually want to leave, even when I've called his bluff and told him to
oh, and my ex did this too, not wanting to go. His affair partner was also married, so he wasn't sure it was worth leaving. And he didn't want to be the bad guy.

I made him put the moisturiser out of sight. He loved it being out in the open, though. Loved having signs of his affair all around, without me being able to prove anything. Set up his phone with beeps, buzzes and flashing lights when she wrote to him and placed it on the table where the kids and I could see and hear it.

Even when the whole thing came out, with definitive proof, it still took ages for him to go.

Terrribletwos · 12/04/2025 16:56

He says he made a big mistake marrying you. Wow!! I don't think I could get over this. How awful

Just leave. ..in any way you can.

80s · 12/04/2025 16:56

Pigeonqueen · 12/04/2025 16:49

I would put money on him fancying someone at the gym. Suggest joining yourself and going with him and I bet his face will drop.

If he is at the gym at all.

Pigeonqueen · 12/04/2025 16:59

80s · 12/04/2025 16:56

If he is at the gym at all.

Show quote history

Yes true. Maybe he isn’t even at the gym and is just sexercising.

PishPish · 12/04/2025 17:01

MyLittleNest · 12/04/2025 15:59

Yes, I just try to avoid him as much as possible.

I definitely understand all the people who say that he's cheating but honestly, I don't see how he has the opportunity or who would actually want him. He also doesn't seem to actually want to leave, even when I've called his bluff and told him to.

Completely agree with the gas lighting comments. Of course, when he gets like this, he accuses me of gas lighting him! Classic.

I don’t think an affair is the main issue here, or should be. You’re married to someone who consistently puts you down, thinks he could do better, says he regrets marrying you, and is foul-tempered around you. Is this all you think you’re worth?

NeedsMustNet · 12/04/2025 17:07

Him aside, how are you? And what do you want at this midlife-y point? He doesn’t sound like a total charmer, if I can be blunt, at this stage of your relationship!

ohnowwhatcanitbe · 12/04/2025 17:10

He's had his head turned.

SBHon · 12/04/2025 17:14

I don’t think he’s cheating, I think he’s trying to get you to dump him to save him the trouble of it and so he can be the ‘good guy’.

Either way, do you actually want this to be your life? You deserve better.

Wishyouwerehere50 · 12/04/2025 17:14

This is exactly what happens when currently exploring other options or planning to.

How can you be with someone gaslighting you like that? It eats you up this stuff.

Can you prepare, behind the scenes to get everything in order for yourself. If he has a job and some income, there's a high chance someone will be interested.

MrTiddlesTheCat · 12/04/2025 17:18

Does he spend time online?

TomatoSandwiches · 12/04/2025 17:21

My step father had an affair for 14yrs behind my mothers back and you wouldn't have thought he could manage it, he and his time was never seemingly unaccounted for at all.
The truth is that they find ways, they're liars and self serving at heart.

Start thinking about what you want op, sod him, make a plan for yourself.

notatinydancer · 12/04/2025 17:23

MyLittleNest · 12/04/2025 15:59

Yes, I just try to avoid him as much as possible.

I definitely understand all the people who say that he's cheating but honestly, I don't see how he has the opportunity or who would actually want him. He also doesn't seem to actually want to leave, even when I've called his bluff and told him to.

Completely agree with the gas lighting comments. Of course, when he gets like this, he accuses me of gas lighting him! Classic.

I hope he’s not cheating , but you’re not together 24/7.
He sounds deluded.
I think you’d be happier on your own.

teraculum29 · 12/04/2025 17:28

maybe he is not cheating yet, but possible he met someone that he fancy, so he is trying to look his best

Orangesinthebag · 12/04/2025 17:31

Mentally prepare yourself and develop a thick skin because he will likely continue to gaslight & will blame you for everything, possibly for "ruining his life". He may say he never loved you, it was all a mistake etc. All manner of horrible, hurtful things that knock you sideways.

It's to force you to end it & to force you to leave. The he won't be the bad guy & he will be free to pursue a new (very probably younger)woman & fulfil his midlife crisis dream.

It won't be true of course & it's likely he will ultimately regret it all but by then it's too late.

I hope none of these things happen to you & he snaps out of it
But forewarned is forearmed.

frozendaisy · 12/04/2025 17:32

"I regret marrying you"

"Off you fuck then"

Shadesofscarlett · 12/04/2025 17:35

a complacent man does not change his life and go to the gym twice a day. if he can find time for the gym he can deffo find time for an OW. However, cheating or not - no reason for you to stay with him anyway? He sounds insufferable.

arcticpandas · 12/04/2025 17:36

Oh I got a deluded 53-year old at home as well who thinks he looks like 45 (my age) and who says that he's got muscles on his tummy confusing small fatrolls with abdomen muscles. I laugh right out. Body dysmorphia comes in many forms.

Sparkletastic · 12/04/2025 17:37

He’s got opportunity when he says he is at the gym. Or OW is a member of same gym.

superplumb · 12/04/2025 17:49

MyLittleNest · 12/04/2025 15:36

It's become increasingly clear to me that DH is having a mid-life crisis as he approaches 50. It started about a year ago, with daily (sometimes twice daily) trips to the gym seven days a week and cabinets filled with endless supplements. He bought an entire new wardrobe and is now dressing better than he ever has in his life, despite me hinting at wishing he would dress better many times over the years. He spends more time in the bathroom than a teenage girl. Easily 45 minutes to an hour primping and trying to cover his growing bald spot.

All of this has been annoying, however now it has escalated to him being irritable, short-tempered with everyone in the house, making mean comments about my appearance (which has honestly improved in recent years as I've had more time and money to take better care of myself, and I am younger than him) while bragging about his own, and acting very fatalistic about the future.

Our relationship has its share of issues, but now he keeps saying that he made a big mistake marrying me, yet when I tell him to leave then, he goes silent. He has always been the type who can't laugh at himself and is very defensive, so having a sit down to discuss this would not be productive. He has never been one to admit any fault but now he's taken his ego to a level of almost acting like he's better than everyone else. He frequently remarks that he looks like he is 35, which is obviously not true at all, or that no one believes his age at work. Again...no. I sit quietly through all of these comments. A while back, he bumped into an old friend who recently got divorced and DH constantly says that this friend probably has "tons of girls" wanting him. It's hard not to burst out laughing every time I hear this remark. No offense to this friend, but no. Just no.

I do not see any indication of an affair, for those who may suggest this. DH has always been very complacent, hates change, and quite a loner/not social and none of that has changed. We took a recent vacation which only seemed to add to his bad mood as it's been hell since our return.

I don't know if this is normal or a phase or if I've just reached my limit. We are obviously not in a good place so I am not going to stroke his ego to make him feel better himself, especially when he's acting like he is God's gift. I am just dreading the actual birthday!!!!

My ex did all of this too. He was also socially awkward. He was cheating.
Id check his phone if i were you.

CiaoMeow · 12/04/2025 17:55

WaryHiker · 12/04/2025 15:40

Cherchez la femme!

Straight out the gate! Almost certainly.

Catsandcannedbeans · 12/04/2025 17:56

Ew, cheat on him first. He’s obviously trying to cheat on you.

I am kidding, but you should leave him and take him for all he’s worth. Also a cutting comment as you leave about the bald spot wouldn’t go a miss. Take him down a peg or two.

Also, please tell me you are not still having sex with this vile man??

rockingbird · 12/04/2025 17:58

Hmm 🤨 he’s on a muff hunt or already cheating. I bet he has new pants to!

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 12/04/2025 18:06

OP- sorry. You are absolutely kidding yourself. It’s another women. “Can’t see how he can find time…” well if she’s one of these colleagues telling him he looks 35 at work there you go. Found her.
He also goes to the gym a few nights a week. Who else is at the gym? Are they getting coffee after? Cosy chats in the car park?
If he has time for a midlife crisis he has time for another woman. Especially one stroking his ego about his new, improved looks.

ETA: Oh and he was miserable on holiday because he was missing her.