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Relationships

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Insisting on pics

102 replies

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 06:58

TLDR
Met a guy online, keeps asking for a close up photo of me smiling, is this weird and am I unreasonable for starting with the ick?

'Met' a guy a few weeks ago on an FB group for a holiday destination we will both be visiting soon (at the same time)...as solo travellers. We've been chatting most days, started off about the island and possibly meeting for a drink/meal or doing some sightseeing together. Things developed a little from there, conversation turned more personal i.e. our ages, jobs, previous relationships etc, until we were messaging constantly.

Everything was going swimmingly, we swapped photos, head shots, and we both liked what what saw, so much so that we talked about possibly meeting up before the holiday and seeing how things go. He's been very respectful all through this, teeny bit of flirting but no sexual comments, good banter, we seem to have the same values and I was enjoying the chat/attention. A couple of days ago he asked for a picture of me really smiling, even though I'm smiling in the 2 pics I've already sent, but he said he wanted a close up one to see what I looked like happy. I was at work when he asked this and it got lost in a bunch of other messages. He then brought up exercise and how he goes to the gym pretty much every day, sometimes twice, and nothing is going to change this. He said he couldn't be with a lazy person and he doesn't find big women attractive which is his right...I'm neither, but I was 6 stone overweight and a bit of a lazy bastard until recently and his comment hit a nerve, I appreciate this is a me problem but it got to me a little. I didn't share my weight loss with him, none of his business, and he can see from my pics I'm not big (size 8--10), but he keeps banging on about what my regime is. I told him I wasn't a fan of the gym and my exercise is lots of walking, but he kept going on and on about the gym being amazing, I admire his dedication but for health reasons which I'm not sharing with him, I don't do the gym. Despite me saying I'm not into the gym, he suggested when/if we meet, we could go together and go each morning when we're on the holiday, I again said the gym isn't for me and he dropped it eventually but seemed a little cool for a while. Anyhoo, in and amongst this he asked again for a close up of me smiling which I think is a bit odd, but again the message was lost in the other messages and wasn't mentioned again.

Last night I was out with friends having early cocktails and I sent him a couple of pics of the drinks, it was relevant as we were talking about a going to cocktail making class when we're away. I was home for 9 and noticed he hadn't responded so I presumed he was out/ asleep/ whatever so I cracked on with what I was doing, and got ready for bed. At 10.30 he messaged saying I was really being unfair, that he's sent he loads of pics (I didn't ask him to) and I can't even send one close up pic of me smiling, that's he's not asking for much and he can't understand why I'm being awkward about it. I found this really odd, the other messages asking got swallowed up in other stuff and I hadn't given it another thought, but he was really insistent and intense about it. I told him I was about to turn in and jokingly suggested that he zoomed in on one of pics I'd already sent, he said I was bang out of order, he only wants the pic and why can't I just do this one thing?

I didn't respond and this morning I've woken up to a why are you ignoring me message and an apology message saying he just wants to see how much more lovely I'll look really smiling. To cut a very long story short, I'm totally put off him now, what with this and the gym/big women comments, and no longer want to meet up here or on holiday, should I message and tell him this or just let it fizzle out? How honest should I be if I do tell him? Wouldn't usually be worried about offending but he arrives on the island the day after me, knows the loose area I'm staying (he's nearby) and knows what I looked like otherwise I'd just block and delete.

OP posts:
dairydebris · 12/04/2025 07:02

'You're being weirdly demanding about this. It's not for me. All the best, tata for now'.

Block and delete.

Icanttakethisanymore · 12/04/2025 07:07

Errrrr, no. This is weird. I’d tell him because i think it’s best to be honest and will slightly less awkward if you bump into him.

id send something like;

I’ve enjoyed chatting to you but I don’t see this going anywhere. All the best.

eta - I wouldn’t be more specific in my reasoning as it just gives him something to latch on to and try and talk you round.

AlphaRadiationIsHeliumNuclei · 12/04/2025 07:11

I agree, block. He's being weird and demanding.

AllTheTreesOfTheField · 12/04/2025 07:11

He sounds weird, and very controlling. You need to send a message like pps have suggested, ending it before your holiday.

Guavafish1 · 12/04/2025 07:12

Run

Backagainformorepunishment · 12/04/2025 07:12

Everything about this guy sounds weird.

Someone who goes to the gym twice a day, if that's true, shows he must be addicted to exercise. And if that's not bad enough he doesn't like fat women because they are lazy!!

Really OP. Dodge a bullet and have nothing more to do with him.

StrawberryDream24 · 12/04/2025 07:12

I'm.sorry, I know it's disappointing but I wouldn't go any further with this one.

I wouldn't meet him before the holiday or on the holiday.

His behaviour is odd, unreasonable, overly demanding, entitled, verging on coercive.

His utter obsession with weight & fitness ... What would he be like when he found out you've lost quite a lot of weight if he's like this not even knowing?!

He doesn't sound like a well adjusted person.

highlandsake · 12/04/2025 07:12

Eeeek. I don’t like the sound of him OP, sounds stroppy already! Maybe he has a thing about teeth? That was my first thought. I would send a polite message saying thanks but no thanks then give him a wide berth on the Trip!

Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 12/04/2025 07:13

He probably wants to see how filtered (aka old does your face really look) your face photo is. The wider someone smiles the more visible things likes laughter lines and wrinkles are.

As for sharing his exercise regime he wants an arm girl.

This prince amongst men is 100% superficial.

Red flags everywhere!

Send this one back.

isthismylifenow · 12/04/2025 07:14

Is there any way you can change your dates for the trip slightly?

Absolutely block this guy.

RealEagle · 12/04/2025 07:15

Is he a dentist?

Gettoachiro · 12/04/2025 07:17

The initial ask for a close up smiling pic is neither good or bad, it's just a pic of you smiling. If you are comfy with sending one ok, if not then that's ok too.

But...block, delete and be happy you have! He sounds awful.

StrawberryDream24 · 12/04/2025 07:17

I also suspect the close up of you smiling is about teeth.

In any case, he sounds like he's wanting to study someone like an exhibit before he deigns to give them the short amount of his time for a date.

Possibly because his time is so "precious" because he spends so much of it in the gym. Probably looking in the mirror.

Not a rounded, well adjusted individual.

Gettoachiro · 12/04/2025 07:18

RealEagle · 12/04/2025 07:15

Is he a dentist?

This made me laugh and woke up my partner next to me 🤣😂

StrawberryDream24 · 12/04/2025 07:19

isthismylifenow · 12/04/2025 07:14

Is there any way you can change your dates for the trip slightly?

Absolutely block this guy.

Good point.

CalmerSeas · 12/04/2025 07:22

Some sort of deep fake porn stuff is what springs to mind - sounds very odd. I’d be wary of the holiday too.

StrawberryDream24 · 12/04/2025 07:25

an apology message saying he just wants to see how much more lovely I'll look really smiling

Aw, manipulative too.

This type of guy sounds like - if he ever finds out you were overweight before - would either dump you, or you'd spend your life being weight policed by him ..... nagged about eating, nagged about exercise etc.

I'm all for people trying to stay healthy, but someone like this will turn it into a prison term , they'll possibly be counter productive.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 07:26

Yeah I have no intention of meeting him, already decided that, for all of the reasons above. We're both very early 50s, I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this shit at this age.

Anyway, I've messaged "Morning, I found your messages last night and this morning a bit too intense so I'm out. Enjoy your holiday".

OP posts:
Billerto · 12/04/2025 07:27

Agree with others i’d steer clear. Generally when men ask for more photos it’s either because they want to make doubly sure they find you attractive - which is pathetic since they can surely just wait until they take out on a date. OR they are looking for photos to masturbate to.

Judging by this guys reaction to saying no, he also sounds controlling and highly strung. I’d send a firm “no this isn’t going to work, I don’t want to meet up anymore please don’t contact me again” kind of text.

dairydebris · 12/04/2025 07:27

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 07:26

Yeah I have no intention of meeting him, already decided that, for all of the reasons above. We're both very early 50s, I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this shit at this age.

Anyway, I've messaged "Morning, I found your messages last night and this morning a bit too intense so I'm out. Enjoy your holiday".

Perfect.

StrawberryDream24 · 12/04/2025 07:30

He then brought up exercise and how he goes to the gym pretty much every day, sometimes twice, and nothing is going to change this.

Doesn't sound like great relationship material, unless you either like a great deal of your own space or have equally time consuming hobbies.

Not that his is a hobby, sounds more like an obsession.

Billerto · 12/04/2025 07:30

Just saw your update now OP - great reply well done.

I assumed he was early 30s or younger , his behaviour seems even worse given the fact he’s in his 50s.

CharlieUniformNovemberTangoYankee · 12/04/2025 07:31

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 07:26

Yeah I have no intention of meeting him, already decided that, for all of the reasons above. We're both very early 50s, I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this shit at this age.

Anyway, I've messaged "Morning, I found your messages last night and this morning a bit too intense so I'm out. Enjoy your holiday".

Perfect reply 👏🏼

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 07:33

I mean it was obvious from his pics (in the gym) that he keeps himself fit and healthy, but he wasnt my usual type...he grew on me because we clicked pretty quickly, and I like his SOH, values and the fact that he had good S&G!

Anyway, nothing lost, I'll just wear a big hat and shades on holiday and hope I don't bump into him. Can't change date/location and don't want to, I've got a great apartment right on the beach and can't really do any other time due to work.

OP posts:
cakeandteaandcake · 12/04/2025 07:34

Excellent reply. Now block!

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