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Insisting on pics

102 replies

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 06:58

TLDR
Met a guy online, keeps asking for a close up photo of me smiling, is this weird and am I unreasonable for starting with the ick?

'Met' a guy a few weeks ago on an FB group for a holiday destination we will both be visiting soon (at the same time)...as solo travellers. We've been chatting most days, started off about the island and possibly meeting for a drink/meal or doing some sightseeing together. Things developed a little from there, conversation turned more personal i.e. our ages, jobs, previous relationships etc, until we were messaging constantly.

Everything was going swimmingly, we swapped photos, head shots, and we both liked what what saw, so much so that we talked about possibly meeting up before the holiday and seeing how things go. He's been very respectful all through this, teeny bit of flirting but no sexual comments, good banter, we seem to have the same values and I was enjoying the chat/attention. A couple of days ago he asked for a picture of me really smiling, even though I'm smiling in the 2 pics I've already sent, but he said he wanted a close up one to see what I looked like happy. I was at work when he asked this and it got lost in a bunch of other messages. He then brought up exercise and how he goes to the gym pretty much every day, sometimes twice, and nothing is going to change this. He said he couldn't be with a lazy person and he doesn't find big women attractive which is his right...I'm neither, but I was 6 stone overweight and a bit of a lazy bastard until recently and his comment hit a nerve, I appreciate this is a me problem but it got to me a little. I didn't share my weight loss with him, none of his business, and he can see from my pics I'm not big (size 8--10), but he keeps banging on about what my regime is. I told him I wasn't a fan of the gym and my exercise is lots of walking, but he kept going on and on about the gym being amazing, I admire his dedication but for health reasons which I'm not sharing with him, I don't do the gym. Despite me saying I'm not into the gym, he suggested when/if we meet, we could go together and go each morning when we're on the holiday, I again said the gym isn't for me and he dropped it eventually but seemed a little cool for a while. Anyhoo, in and amongst this he asked again for a close up of me smiling which I think is a bit odd, but again the message was lost in the other messages and wasn't mentioned again.

Last night I was out with friends having early cocktails and I sent him a couple of pics of the drinks, it was relevant as we were talking about a going to cocktail making class when we're away. I was home for 9 and noticed he hadn't responded so I presumed he was out/ asleep/ whatever so I cracked on with what I was doing, and got ready for bed. At 10.30 he messaged saying I was really being unfair, that he's sent he loads of pics (I didn't ask him to) and I can't even send one close up pic of me smiling, that's he's not asking for much and he can't understand why I'm being awkward about it. I found this really odd, the other messages asking got swallowed up in other stuff and I hadn't given it another thought, but he was really insistent and intense about it. I told him I was about to turn in and jokingly suggested that he zoomed in on one of pics I'd already sent, he said I was bang out of order, he only wants the pic and why can't I just do this one thing?

I didn't respond and this morning I've woken up to a why are you ignoring me message and an apology message saying he just wants to see how much more lovely I'll look really smiling. To cut a very long story short, I'm totally put off him now, what with this and the gym/big women comments, and no longer want to meet up here or on holiday, should I message and tell him this or just let it fizzle out? How honest should I be if I do tell him? Wouldn't usually be worried about offending but he arrives on the island the day after me, knows the loose area I'm staying (he's nearby) and knows what I looked like otherwise I'd just block and delete.

OP posts:
ackarackaru · 12/04/2025 08:07

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 07:40

He knows the general area as his apartment is near to mine as we talked about restaurants we'd like to visit...but hopefully it's unlikely we'll be at the same one at the same time. Anyway, i probably won't see him, he'll be in the gym or looking at himself in the mirror

Grin
Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 08:13

violetcuriosity · 12/04/2025 08:07

Sorry but this is such a red flag. People on those sites lurk looking for vulnerable women to traffic when they get to the country. A close up of your face would be all a ‘taxi driver’ needed at the airport to look out for you. Make sure you haven’t shared any of your details/holiday dates/locations with him or anyone on that group.

It was actually me that suggested meeting for a drink/ lunch/ sightseeing (daytime activities) as I've been lots and it was his first time to the island. His other posts on the group have been asking about the nearest gym (!), restaurant recommendations, places of interest etc so all fairly tame. Maybe I'm the red flag?

OP posts:
SpringIsSpringing25 · 12/04/2025 08:39

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 08:06

Yeah I have saggy skin sadly, been overweight a long time, my stomach isn't so bad but my arms and upper thighs bother me, even if i did go to the gym, nothing but surgery is going to tighten that up at this point. But it doesn't me as much as being fat did so I'll live with it and I look fine clothed.

Imagine his horror if he ever got to see me naked?!

Yeah, baggy skin is better than excess weight,

It's just very disappointing. It's lost the elasticity of youth and isn't bringing back into place, obligingly🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

It's definitely all going to contribute to not getting down to as lower weight as I would like, but yeah, if I can be happy with the way I look dressed I'll be 90% happy with it!!

Oh God, yeah, I can't imagine you would've ever felt comfortable getting naked with him. He would've been a complete asswipe!! It's bad enough for somebody I have known a very long time 🥺

Bumblebeestiltskin · 12/04/2025 08:49

🚩🚩🚩

Psychoticbreak · 12/04/2025 09:42

Maybe he wants to see if you have nice teeth or not? Either way sounds like a superficial twat.

As an aside imagine going on holiday to an island and going to the gym every day. I cannot think of anything worse.

WandaWomblesaurusWonka · 12/04/2025 09:49

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 07:26

Yeah I have no intention of meeting him, already decided that, for all of the reasons above. We're both very early 50s, I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this shit at this age.

Anyway, I've messaged "Morning, I found your messages last night and this morning a bit too intense so I'm out. Enjoy your holiday".

Well done you.
He sounds like a nightmare!

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 09:54

Psychoticbreak · 12/04/2025 09:42

Maybe he wants to see if you have nice teeth or not? Either way sounds like a superficial twat.

As an aside imagine going on holiday to an island and going to the gym every day. I cannot think of anything worse.

I've probably made it sound fancier than it is, it's a Canary Island so nowhere far flung and tropical Grin

OP posts:
Psychoticbreak · 12/04/2025 09:56

Its away from dreary Uk or Ireland so it is tropical to me haha fact remains though the gym every bleedin day on a holiday. That said I hate the gym anyway.

SmugglersHaunt · 12/04/2025 10:12

Glad you’re out of it - he sounds crazy, like he just wants a giant mouth forever trapped on a treadmill.

What’s S&G?

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 12/04/2025 10:18

This would be such a huge ick for me. How dare he speak to you like that?! What an absolute weirdo. Good bullet dodge OP.

bluevelvetbox · 12/04/2025 10:28

I can't stop laughing at Banjo! It's made my day.

smallsilvercloud · 12/04/2025 10:30

At least he’s shown you who is now, so you don’t need to bother meeting him! He’s the type of guy very shallow, that doesn’t see women as an equal human and only interested in slim gym bunnies sending photos on demand for his sleazy ego. He would of dropped you soon as you spoke your own mind about not feeling comfortable with all his requests.

OneFineDay13 · 12/04/2025 10:32

Icanttakethisanymore · 12/04/2025 07:07

Errrrr, no. This is weird. I’d tell him because i think it’s best to be honest and will slightly less awkward if you bump into him.

id send something like;

I’ve enjoyed chatting to you but I don’t see this going anywhere. All the best.

eta - I wouldn’t be more specific in my reasoning as it just gives him something to latch on to and try and talk you round.

Edited

Exactly this . Am seeing red flags from this guy

ohnowwhatcanitbe · 12/04/2025 11:01

AllTheTreesOfTheField · 12/04/2025 08:04

Do banjos have a G string?

(I'll see myself out) 😂

Yes, they do.
😂

mangosmoothie123 · 12/04/2025 11:02

Just be honest and tell him his demanding behaviour and body shaming women has put you off and you’re not longer interested in seeing him. Then block.

I assume he doesn’t know what hotel you’re staying in? The likelihood of bumping into him is rather small, I’d imagine!

ohnowwhatcanitbe · 12/04/2025 11:05

StrawberryDream24 · 12/04/2025 07:25

an apology message saying he just wants to see how much more lovely I'll look really smiling

Aw, manipulative too.

This type of guy sounds like - if he ever finds out you were overweight before - would either dump you, or you'd spend your life being weight policed by him ..... nagged about eating, nagged about exercise etc.

I'm all for people trying to stay healthy, but someone like this will turn it into a prison term , they'll possibly be counter productive.

Edited

Yeah, that's negging. It is designed to make you think you look less than lovely if you aren't smiling:

'You look lovely, but........ not lovely enough'.

ZoggyStirdust · 12/04/2025 11:07

Checking teeth is ok and if a woman did it would be no issue on here (I’d that what he was doing…)

everything else he did, the pestering, you’re spot on deciding he’s not for you. Have a lovely holiday.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 12/04/2025 11:08

ZoggyStirdust · 12/04/2025 11:07

Checking teeth is ok and if a woman did it would be no issue on here (I’d that what he was doing…)

everything else he did, the pestering, you’re spot on deciding he’s not for you. Have a lovely holiday.

She's not a horse he's thinking of buying!

ZoggyStirdust · 12/04/2025 11:11

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 12/04/2025 11:08

She's not a horse he's thinking of buying!

😀 no but you do see posts on here where women say to get a pic of him smiling so you can see he has (decent, or any…) teeth. That on its own isn’t a red flag.

there are many others he’s waving tbf

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 11:41

ZoggyStirdust · 12/04/2025 11:11

😀 no but you do see posts on here where women say to get a pic of him smiling so you can see he has (decent, or any…) teeth. That on its own isn’t a red flag.

there are many others he’s waving tbf

He's seen pics of me smiling, he wanted a close up one for whatever reason. And to those who haven't RTFT, I've already messaged him

OP posts:
Catchingrays · 12/04/2025 11:47

Checking teeth? Before you meet for a date? No it’s not ok. I would not do that to anyone. Presumably they have normal clean teeth like just about everyone I know.

SmoothEncounter · 12/04/2025 11:49

Idontjetwashthefucker · 12/04/2025 07:26

Yeah I have no intention of meeting him, already decided that, for all of the reasons above. We're both very early 50s, I thought I wouldn't have to deal with this shit at this age.

Anyway, I've messaged "Morning, I found your messages last night and this morning a bit too intense so I'm out. Enjoy your holiday".

Well done OP.
Weirdo can get lost!

AlexisP90 · 12/04/2025 11:51

dairydebris · 12/04/2025 07:02

'You're being weirdly demanding about this. It's not for me. All the best, tata for now'.

Block and delete.

This. The fact he asked is ok. The fact he's getting upset and annoyed because you won't sent them? Weird and odd and most importantly seems quite controlling.

SmoothEncounter · 12/04/2025 11:52

AllTheTreesOfTheField · 12/04/2025 08:04

Do banjos have a G string?

(I'll see myself out) 😂

I see what you did there Grin

MrsCastle · 12/04/2025 11:53

I thought it was about lips and blow Jobs!

it he’s very obsessive and that’s being projected onto your appearance