Husbands pitbull becoming snappy in old age, and I’m pregnant

[Oliveover28]

It took me two years to convince my now husband to keep his pitbull dog with his mum for me to move into his house with my two small dogs. The reason for me not wanting my two dogs around his dog is his dog previously attacked and killed his mums small dog. Apparently he done this because the smaller dog kept snapping at him and the family seem to think it’s justified? Bear in mind this was a teacup senior dog. Awful.

anyway the agreement was the pitbull can come back once we buy a bigger house as I pushed for the can’t separate 3 dogs in a small house excuse. Anyway we are looking to buy a house this year, and husband is saying why wouldn’t his dog come back to live in the house he buys. Well, lately the dog has been snapping at people a little more, husband says oh it’s old age.

problem is, I’m now pregnant. I feel extremely uncomfortable around this dog, this dog around my dogs and now this dog around a defenseless baby? He says we will keep them separate, but that sounds like hell having a new born, and 3 dogs to keep separate whilst he’s at work all day. He said sometimes he will take him to work, and I could probably push for only having the dog at home on the weekends. But still, I just don’t know if I’ll be able to relax in my own home and I want to be in the best mindset possible to raise my first child. I want to feel relaxed at an already stressful time.

AIBU? Any suggestions on what to say to my husband as to why I don’t want his dog coming back. He is saying oh he only snaps at people he doesn’t know, not his own family. I will also add the dog only snaps at weak people (a senior with cancer, and a friend with MS) it’s like they can sense weakness. He fully believes this dog is going to see our baby as his family, but this dog is already ten years old.

This.

You say the dog can sense weakness, OP. In which case I can imagine it will be snapping at you too. The weakness in you is off the scale!

Goodbye

Does anyone have a link to the original thread pls? Am I right that the OP moved to the US taking her own dogs with her?

I am pretty sure it’s the same person. She is now bringing an innocent child into this mess.

Agree with all. This dog can never be round a baby. It is not worth the risk. That is a no brainer.

Worth seeing it from his pov too though. New woman moves into his house, insists his dog leave so her 2 dogs can move in safely (after 2 years of pressing). Hassle of the dog he clearly loves being at his Mums and told when he finally agreed the situation just temporary until they get a bigger house.

Woman now pregnant, he’s buying a bigger house and (understand why) insisting dog never return home. For his part there is bound to be resentment. Goal posts have moved.

That’s likely why he suggests she get rid of her 2 dogs also. Not a bad shout tbh. Might not feel as unfair to him if she did as she might understand then how it feels to lose a member of the family.

Finding new homes for all the dogs may seem fairer in his eyes. Surprised he hasn’t suggested that he move into the bigger house with the dog and OP/her dogs find somewhere else.

Good luck OP you’ll maybe need a good reason why your 2 should stay given any dog can turn on babies or young children, why should you have your cake and eat it too and will have to find a way to navigate so that he doesn’t resent you ever more.

Too late now also but clearly this match was not at all suitable from the outset.

Never let that dog near your baby. It’s not a conversation.

This is your hill to die on @Oliveover28

You need to simply say 'I will never live in the same house as that dog. It has already killed another dog and I will not spend any of my life in constant anxiety/ fear keeping apart that dog from everyone else and everything else I love. On top of that list is our baby and my friends and family who I wish to invite to our house.'

He will come back with something. You say I am not living in the same house as that dog. It should have been put to sleep after it killed.........

After that, I will not change my mind on this. I will not move to the new house unless the dog is not coming.

You need to stand firm on this.

There is absolutely no way I would move into a house where a killer dog is in there. NO WAY. Could you show your DH this thread?

The biggest risk here isn't the dog (although as pp have explained that's a huge risk) it's the man.

Imagine that you persuade him to keep the dog at his mum's, and he agrees reluctantly. You have the baby in the states and bring it home to the shared house without the pitbull in it, but with your two dogs. It sounds to me like this is your ideal scenario.

Post birth you'll be tired, recovering, vulnerable. If he believes that a baby and a pitbull which has killed are fine together how will you trust him not to leave the baby with your two dogs whilst you have a sleep?

Your child gets to six months and you want to have lunch with a friend without the baby. How will you trust that he won't take baby to his mums to introduce to the pitbull?

Your child gets to a year and you want to go back to work. His mum offers to have the baby. How will you persuade him to spend £2k a month on daycare instead of using family because the pitbull is at her house?

Your child gets to 18 months and is walking more steadily. How will you trust that he won't bring the dog back to your house? Or get a new pitbull puppy who "is gentler" than the old pitbull?

Your child gets to two and he tells them loads of stories about how cool his dog is an how mean you were to not let them together. How will you trust him to not introduce a child who is pleading to meet the dog to it?

Your child gets to three and you want a second child, so you get pregnant. How will you trust him not to reintroduce this conversation about having the dog in the house at that point? When you're stuck in the states because of child 1; unable to find a job because of the pregnancy/US mat leave; and don't have any supportive friends or family around you.

A lot of posters have suggested moving back to the UK and having the baby on your own there and establishing it's residency in the UK, and I think that's really sensible.

Even if you drove to Walmart, bought a gun and shot the bastard thing you still would be onto a loser, as this is the sort of man that has to win. He’ll buy another pitbull when that thing dies, guaranteed.

I would be buying a plane ticket today.

Honestly, I would leave him over this. The dog can’t safely be around your smaller dogs never mind a defenceless baby.

In which case move back to your home country before you give birth so you’re not trapped in the new country for the next 18 years.

I agree.

Op’s partner will be a absolute liability around a newborn baby. It will be even more dangerous to split up, he will get another killing machine and the baby will be completely unprotected.

It is making my blood run cold.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this op. Its completely inappropriate for him to say that if his pit bull goes, then so too must your little dogs. What a manipulative knob. This is outing, but I'll share a couple of stories from my work. We have a lot of customers who are very responsible but devastated owners who euthanise because their dogs have bitten - either attacked another dog in the home or bitten a human member of the family. Most of these are smaller, working breeds and another dog had somrtimes been killed, but the humans only need minor surgery. A couple of dogs have been XL Bullies - one customer had to have reconstructive surgery and the police had to shoot the dog in the family home, and the other killed the 5 year old daughter in front of her mother. Both dogs were absolute babies, who wouldn't hurt a fly. A family member had to get rid of his because SS threatened to remove the children due to concerns around their dog's behaviours. I think LTB.

Leave, before the baby is born. If you stay your husband likely won't let you leave the country with your child. If you self esteem is so low that you want to stay with this man, have the baby adopted which I believe is pretty straight forward in the US. If the baby is killed in your care, SS in the UK will likely take every baby you have in the future. In the UK, Pitbulls are a banned breed. If your baby was killed by one in your care, you would rightly go to prison for murdering your DC.

Or have an abortion, get rid of your dogs, get sterilised and spend your life unhappily married to this loser.

You don't have a baby with them

Why was this horrible creature not put to sleep when he killed another dog???

Can you move back home before the baby is born, much harder to do so once the baby is here

I would stop voicing concerns and stay very neutral and then I would have it put down when he's at work and say it choked on a chicken bone or something similar. You have a SERIOUS problem here - if you leave him, he will have unsupervised custody of your child and will undoubtably put baby at high risk of being killed or maimed and if you stay, you are again putting baby at serious risk. This dog will not respond well to a baby being in it's home. It should have already been PTS.

You need to leave America before the baby is born. Once the baby is born it is very likely that you won't be able to remove the baby from America without his permission.

If you split up after the baby is born he'll be exposing the baby to his nanny dog extremely dangerous fighting dog and there will be nothing you can do to stop it.

As you've said, pitbulls attack the weak and defenceless. They home in on children, the disabled, sick, elderly, etc.

Somebody once posted some pitbull attack photos from a medical journal on https://www.reddit.com/r/BanPitBulls/. One was of a decapitated baby and another was a child that had all the flesh removed from its skull (the toddler died, obviously).

You've shown very poor judgement by marrying and becoming pregnant by this man.

\\* EXTREMELY GRAPHIC CONTENT WARNING \\*

This is the link to the Reddit post that contains the images. They are extremely graphic and disturbing images of dead children.

https://www.reddit.com/r/BanPitBulls/comments/vxoo0g/whypitbullsshouldneverbeallowednear/

I am only posting this link in the hope that it will make you prioritise your baby's safety.

That's the same person!

This is my reaction.

Why would you even start a relationship with a man who keeps a dog that has killed another dog? Why on earth did you negotiate to move into his house with him?

It really beggars belief than you could think of living with a baby in the same house as this dog . In fact I would be worried enough with the baby in the house with your own two small dogs because you no idea how they will react to a baby.

This situation is absolutley terrifying to me. You have to protect your baby at all costs OP and your dogs. I don't even know what you should do as if you were to split up he could get shared custody and have the pitbull round the baby. But you have to drill it into him the baby is not safe around the dog and you are frightened of the dog too. Having that dog around the baby is neglect and the fact he is so adament to do it would frighten me that he is willing to endanger the child to prove a point about pitbulls not harming family (even though it has already killed a dog, is aggressive to people and there's countless incidents of pitbulls killing babies)

There is absolutely no point advising OP to leave the US. She's full steam ahead with this guy and is not going to change her mind.

I can’t believe that anyone can be so wilfully stupid as to ignore all the excellent advice you’ve been given and yet here you are, considering whether you should put two little dogs and a baby at extreme risk by living with a dim man whose pit bull (that has killed another dog) comes before anyone else.
I honestly despair at the stupidity.