Should I allow my husband to come home?

[Huggy2014]

My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years. In that time he has gotten addicted to meth, been verbally physically and emotionally abusive. The first year of our marriage he got caught trying to get a female to go out with him. He comes back from that job with my name on his neck as proof of love and that he only wanted me. In one of his drugged out rages he gave me two black eyes and a concussion. He recently got back on drugs after years clean. He started with the mental games and abuse all over again and it was always my fault. Through it all I've loved him. This past weekend he got caught yet again trying to hook up with a female. He actually had the nerve to compare it to my ex walking into my place of work and me having to wait on him as a customer.Then said he did it to teach me a lesson. I made him leave and he tells me if I love him I will let him come home so we can work it out. I told him I wasn't saying never but I needed time to heal. He told me that if not then he was done completely and would never be back. He says we have been together too long for me to just throw it away just like that. Am I wrong?

Another vote for the freedom programme. I bet you recognise him in that . Work on developing your self esteem and good luck to you . You need to get to a place where you don't care what he thinks x

I'm trying to prevent him from getting into my head so I'm definitely about to start it right now

@Huggy2014

You're heading down the right road. Do the Freedom Programme, really throw your whole self into it. Also consider counseling to work through the damage this man has done to your sense of self worth.

I teared up when you spoke of your two sons in the Navy. You have raised two upright and good young men of whom you are deservedly proud. And their love for you is obvious. Now, give them the mum they need. A mum who puts herself first and will never again allow herself to be abused or taken advantage of by this man (or any other man). A mum who will never cause them another moment's worry.

You know you can do it. Remember the wise words of AA Milne's Christopher Robin: "You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." And I will add "And loved much more than you know".

I wanted to thank every of you guys for the advice. I needed to hear that more than I realized.

If you take him back, he'll drag you down with him.

My goodness, what a piece of shit. You deserve MUCH better than this
Plus your sons no longer need to worry that he will end up killing you one day. This guy is baddd news. Keep that resolve. ❤️

I’m sorry you’re going through this but i think you know deep down that the abuse will only continue if you give him another chance. It’s time for you to be happy. He’s a narcissist and won’t ever change. start putting yourself first

In the kindest way possible you need therapy. I don’t mean to sound patronising here either. Please talk to a therapist about why you feel accepting this behaviour from a man is normal. You deserve better than this. Move on from this pathetic man and heal!!!

Just no.

" I wasn't saying never ...."

Ffs. What will it take for you to say never? Are you just going to wait until he actually kills you?

Absolutely do not ever take this violent thug back into your life. Your life will be so much better without the fear.

So many of us have been where you are so we get how you're feeling.

Block him, delete him. Never let him back into your life.

How’s this analogy?
I have a pet snake. I love my snake so much even though it is poisonous and has bitten me and my kids and we have all needed hospital treatment because of this. It can’t help itself because it is just living its life and behaving like a snake. I believe that it will learn to love me and stop biting me and my kids eventually, and its love for me will overrule its snake nature. Everyone says I should surrender it to a zoo where it will receive the best treatment, but I want to keep it at home with me and my kids.

I removed his phone from my plan and disconnected it

That is a very good start Huggy. Well done on taking the first step

Please change your locks if he ever had a key!

And do not open the door if he shows up! Just call the police ASAP.

I changed my locks the same day I found out about the cheating

Why would you want this man back? He's an addict, abusive, liar and a cheat. You will be stuck in this cycle for years - him clean, all going nicely, he relapses, he lies/cheats/assaults/abusive towards you, you throw him out...until you take him back and then cycle begins all over again. You can't save him. You can't help him. You need to end this cycle by ending the relationship and blocking him. He isn't going to change, no matter how much you may think you love him or how much support you give him. Ultimately he's selfish, and only interested in his next fix. Please please seek some therapy for yourself, because you need to get out of this neverending sole destroying cycle.

Good move! See, you are totally capable of being a boss bitch when you need to be. Don't take any more shit!

I bet that maybe you aren't blocking because it helps you get an idea of his mindset, incase he were to want to show up, you might get notice? But balancing it against how he's using this to just keep ruining your days even now, I'd be inclined to block anyway.

I'd instead maybe call 101 police and log that you're ending it with an abuser and that way they can maybe flag your house for quick police attendance if he shows up. Or give you some advice for safety.

Usually the advice here is to text 'never contact me again', screenshot it incase you ever need evidence to show you've told him to leave you alone, then block him as soon as he's read it. And never contact him again.

But it couldn't harm to get a police opinion. Actually, women's aid too might be helpful!

@Sodthesystem
OP has blocked him
Huggy2014 · Yesterday 00:08

Since this post I have blocked his number and blocked him on every single social media account I could find

Oops apologies, I'm replying to a similar thread too, must be mixing the posters up

it’s going on all over the place by the looks of it 🙈

I'm not gonna lie I've been on edge ever since I disconnected his phone. He's very unpredictable and I just removed his only way of communicating with me. He's shown out at my work in the past so it doesn't really matter where I am. There's always that possibility of him showing up. Last night at work was hard because I felt like I was constantly looking around every time a customer walked in and when it was time to get off I wanted to go home but was scared he might be around. I've never made it to where he couldn't contact me and the unknown right now has me very anxious.

No darling. Be strong and protect yourself.

You haven’t been with him too long to throw it away; you’ve already wasted too much time.

Totally get why you'd be nervous op. I think it's wise to alert the police but you should also tell your work in a 'just incase' way so they can look out for you. So they know to call security/the police too if he turns up.