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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I allow my husband to come home?

107 replies

Huggy2014 · 08/04/2025 21:51

My husband and I have been together for almost 11 years. In that time he has gotten addicted to meth, been verbally physically and emotionally abusive. The first year of our marriage he got caught trying to get a female to go out with him. He comes back from that job with my name on his neck as proof of love and that he only wanted me. In one of his drugged out rages he gave me two black eyes and a concussion. He recently got back on drugs after years clean. He started with the mental games and abuse all over again and it was always my fault. Through it all I've loved him. This past weekend he got caught yet again trying to hook up with a female. He actually had the nerve to compare it to my ex walking into my place of work and me having to wait on him as a customer.Then said he did it to teach me a lesson. I made him leave and he tells me if I love him I will let him come home so we can work it out. I told him I wasn't saying never but I needed time to heal. He told me that if not then he was done completely and would never be back. He says we have been together too long for me to just throw it away just like that. Am I wrong?

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 08/04/2025 22:42

FatLarrysBanned · 08/04/2025 22:40

Why do you think he'll be different if you take him back this time?

He's beat you black and blue, cheated on you and caused you and your family absolute heartache. Your poor mum seeing you in that state and you still stand by him.

He's an addict and always will be. He's only ever one hit away from the next relapse, and you know it will happen again.

It could easily be different this time.

he could kill her this time.

JJJxox · 08/04/2025 22:44

No!
please have more respect for yourself! Nobody deserves to be treated like that!!!

find the happiness you deserve :)

Idontjetwashthefucker · 08/04/2025 22:44

Really? The fact that you're even asking the question makes me want to bang my head against the wall

JollyGreenSleeves · 08/04/2025 22:44

Fucking hell, how naive can you be? Your poor kids, grown up or not what the hell do you think this is doing to them? You’re not a ‘little girl’ either. You’re a woman, with choices, grow the fuck up.

FatLarrysBanned · 08/04/2025 22:45

And if your kids are those ages now they've been exposed to this toxicity growing up unless they weren't living with you? What do they think about it?

GoldBeautifulHeart · 08/04/2025 22:52

You would be very stupid indeed to let him back in.

Do you enjoy his drug dives and abusing you? No? Then don't bloody let him back in.
His words mean nothing, actions are everything.

His words do not match up with his actions. Your poor mum has already had to witness you with 2 black eyes. What if he kills you next time?

I'm so worried you're just prime enough to be vulnerable and let him back in. Your kids need you more than this waste of skin.

Original poster
Huggy2014 · 08/04/2025 22:57

Unfortunately they were exposed. He would target my oldest and act as if it was his place to correct him and even went so far as to put his hands on my son's throat because he was going to teach him not to disrespect me. That is my child and my place and if I had felt like he had gotten out of hand when he raised his voice I would've handled it. When he did that I jumped on him and locked my arm around his neck. We all went to the floor and his dog came charging across the room. I wasn't sure if my son was going to get bit so I let go and sheilded my child. His dog went past us and bit him in the ear. That was shortly before my son went into the Navy. I left him because I was protecting my children from him.

OP posts:
Triakne · 08/04/2025 23:00

You would be insane to take him back! He will never change, he has shown you the real him over and over - the violence, the drug taking, the cheating. Why would you want to go back for more of that? His words mean nothing, he won't change. Please value yourself more

BaileyBear · 08/04/2025 23:00

Absolutely not, he’s attacked you and put you through hell. Block him, he’s an abusive piece of shit and you can’t fix him. Work on yourself and don’t ever accept that how he treated you is normal, it’s not.

Triakne · 08/04/2025 23:02

Jeez I've just read your last post. This man is scum. How can you even consider being with a man who abused your children? How will they feel if you get back with him? Good grief woman!!!

DorothyStorm · 08/04/2025 23:03

Huggy2014 · 08/04/2025 22:57

Unfortunately they were exposed. He would target my oldest and act as if it was his place to correct him and even went so far as to put his hands on my son's throat because he was going to teach him not to disrespect me. That is my child and my place and if I had felt like he had gotten out of hand when he raised his voice I would've handled it. When he did that I jumped on him and locked my arm around his neck. We all went to the floor and his dog came charging across the room. I wasn't sure if my son was going to get bit so I let go and sheilded my child. His dog went past us and bit him in the ear. That was shortly before my son went into the Navy. I left him because I was protecting my children from him.

Have you decided not to protect your children from his influence any longer?

2025willbemytime · 08/04/2025 23:03

File for divorce.
Get therapy for your child who was assaulted and yourself.
Move away.

Do not ever take this abuser back.

Original poster
Huggy2014 · 08/04/2025 23:03

This time I did the one thing I haven't done since my two oldest sons joined the Navy. I told them what was going on. I told them he had screwed me on the bills broken my heart and was currently out on bond for another CDV.my oldest said dam right leave his ass. Do you need anything from me and have you told my brother. I told him I had and between the two of them they sent me $1200 and said I couldn't refuse it. I have amazing sons who love me through all of the mistakes I have made. I do not want to let them down and the last thing they should be worried about while they are protecting our country is if their mom is ok

OP posts:
GoldBeautifulHeart · 08/04/2025 23:03

Huggy2014 · 08/04/2025 22:57

Unfortunately they were exposed. He would target my oldest and act as if it was his place to correct him and even went so far as to put his hands on my son's throat because he was going to teach him not to disrespect me. That is my child and my place and if I had felt like he had gotten out of hand when he raised his voice I would've handled it. When he did that I jumped on him and locked my arm around his neck. We all went to the floor and his dog came charging across the room. I wasn't sure if my son was going to get bit so I let go and sheilded my child. His dog went past us and bit him in the ear. That was shortly before my son went into the Navy. I left him because I was protecting my children from him.

Then stay gone. After that how can you even look at him and want him? After he threatened your child ffs.

You need therapy stat!

BaileyBear · 08/04/2025 23:06

Huggy2014 · 08/04/2025 23:03

This time I did the one thing I haven't done since my two oldest sons joined the Navy. I told them what was going on. I told them he had screwed me on the bills broken my heart and was currently out on bond for another CDV.my oldest said dam right leave his ass. Do you need anything from me and have you told my brother. I told him I had and between the two of them they sent me $1200 and said I couldn't refuse it. I have amazing sons who love me through all of the mistakes I have made. I do not want to let them down and the last thing they should be worried about while they are protecting our country is if their mom is ok

They knew what was going on! He attacked your son, I’m glad they left for the Navy tbh. Give yourself a shake for goodness sake.

Ohisitjustme · 08/04/2025 23:06

I only need to read the first two sentences. Absolutely not

Original poster
Huggy2014 · 08/04/2025 23:07

I never let him back around my son after he did that. He's 25 now and luckily by the grace of God he has more sense than me. By letting my kids know I knew there would be no going back which was the one thing I never did because I'm my mind I still had hope. I will not allow my sons to jeopardize their life or their careers because they think they need to protect me

OP posts:
Shadesofscarlett · 08/04/2025 23:08

why are you considering this man - after he abused your children?

Original poster
Huggy2014 · 08/04/2025 23:09

I don't want him back. When I found out I did yet another thing I've never done. I burned everything he owned and changed the locks. He started threatening me and I told him if he didn't stop I had already spoken to his bondsman and he would revoke his bond to keep me and my children safe

OP posts:
Original poster
Huggy2014 · 08/04/2025 23:11

He's one of those people who are always right and always said that I was wrong and people who agrees with me only did so because they were my friends and family. This post was mainly to show him that even people who don't know me agree with me

OP posts:
Shadesofscarlett · 08/04/2025 23:11

so why are you posting here

Sodthesystem · 08/04/2025 23:11

You'd have to be the one on meth to even consider it.

STOP all contact with him once and for all. You have no reason to talk to him.

I bet your kids are going spare with worry you might get back with him though.

Original poster
Huggy2014 · 08/04/2025 23:15

I told him he had a lot of nerve even asking that of me let alone expecting me to take him back. This is the first time that I've been relieved instead of panicking about him not coming back. The past few nights I've gotten sleep I wasn't being kept up all night arguing. I didn't have to go to sleep to avoid an argument and I've had peace that I want to have permanently. When he played the blame game I told him the only thing I was wrong about was believing in him and trusting him. I told him I was also wrong for letting him come back the first time let alone the multiple times after

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 08/04/2025 23:15

So you want to show him this?

Why are you talking to him?

Block him on EVERYTHING and move forward without him

Starlight7080 · 08/04/2025 23:16

Do you have grandchildren? If no then when you do i hope they have the common sense not to let them around you or your husband.
If you can't see after all he has done that you should have nothing to do with him. Then nothing anyone can say on here will convince you .
How you have someone like that around your children is beyond me