Fwb confusion

[joanna123457]

Hi guys, so I need some advice here. Please no judgement. I’m 43 and have been in a fwb situation with a 40 year old guy since January. Long post so please bear with me!

Before we met he said that he thought he liked me more than fwb, (unsure how he could have known this) but if we did end up being more he wanted an open relationship (sleeping with other people)- and he wanted a 3 way 🫣

We met up for you know what the first time got on well, he said he now wanted a 3 way with a friend of his and didn’t need to see me on our own again to have it. (Back story he has been in 2 relationships one long term with whole he had a son she treated him badly and another one before Christmas).

So we had this 3 way I tried to meet up with him again over course of a month but he said he was busy at several times. One night I had a hotel booked and he said he was keen but perhaps wanted to bring a woman friend. Then he said he was working and was too tired to drive to me wanted me to get him. It turns out he wasn’t at work was at home drinking. When I was there he said I should go out and sleep with another guy as I did his 3 way with him. The next thing I know he’s telling me he doesn’t want me to as he’s jealous ( then he says it’s because he wants to sleep with me again and if I meet someone I might not - I mean really!)

Then we got into the whole more than friends conversation. He said he’d been and slept with another girl apologised to me but said he wouldn’t see her again as she wanted more and he doesn’t want a relationship or to date. The next thing I know he’s saying he would like to see me to hang out and see if there’s anything there but he doesn’t want to date or have a relationship.

Fast forward a few weeks and I tell him that we should finish the fwb thing (I started thinking about him after we were together as he was cuddling me in bed the morning after so I’m guessing catching feelings). The minute I say that he ends up ringing me asking me if I want to come and stay for a night.

So that’s the long and short of it, to say I’m confused is an understatement.

He's a player and not into you, he's bread crumbling you to keep you around

You can do so much better OP, raise your bar

And get tested for STDs

Thankyou I needed to hear that

Blimey. Each to their own but sounds a lot like you’re just dancing to his tune. He wants to have sex with lots of different women, threesomes and so on. Really doesn’t sound like someone who wants to be in a relationship (and if he was interested in a relationship with you, surely you can do better?)

He sounds quite thick and boring?

He’s been through a lot which I get including an accident etc but it’s the way he acts. He’s always asking me would I be mad if he slept with someone else when I ask him if he would be the other way round it’s a no. One time he told me he had slept with someone else then told me he hadn’t actually - when I asked why - to see my reaction! 🫣

This is a shitshow. And it’s all about him. Where is your self respect?

Attachment issues and drinks
~
R.U.N

Did you post about this before having the threesome?

This isn't a good situation for you, OP. It never was. Move on from this one.

Did you write in before about him asking you for a threesome?

Whether you are the same poster or not, this man is just messing you around. It;s not an FWB is fuck buddy at best and he's playing games to manipulate you and keep you where he wants you, confused and unhappy.

FWB isn't like that at all.

Sorry for the cross post with @alwaysdeleteyourcookies

FWB? Where is the benefit to you? He’s playing mind games with you that has left you so unsure you are coming to strangers for advice. It’s supposed to be fun OP, if it isn’t what is the point?

He's a complete arse. Thinks he's a top shagger and can get women to do what he likes at his beck and call.
Tell him he's a twat and block him. Problem solved.
And don't have threesomes with people just because they tell you to. You need to actually fancy both participants, and they need to fancy and respect you, and you need to be very mature about boundaries etc to make something like that work.

He's not a friend, much less with benefits. Is this the same guy that sounded like he was trying to pimp you out?

You might want to ask your doctor about PrEP, pre exposure prophylaxis, since you're engaging in high risk behaviours and set up regular STI testing.

What are you confused about? He's a head fuck and a fuckboy. He's not going to fall in love with you and magically become sexually continent and monogamous. He's not the guy for you, either as a boyfriend or a FWB.

He's just using you. He couldn't even be bothered to come to the hotel to you. Please do yourself a favour and dump him. You deserve so much better.

Newname he kept saying he wasn’t sure then asked me to come and pick him up an hour away as he’s been drinking 🙄

I'm going to be blunt. Stop wasting your time with this obnoxious twat.

Even as a FWB it sounds a bit weird. Get rid. Sounds a bit of a dickhead.

What a player and he's leading you a merry dance. He's got you over thinking it.

Get rid unless you're actually all about the sex (which I very much doubt) and are capable of ignoring his silly games.

It all sounds like far too much effort and drama frankly.

Was the 3 way with another woman by any chance?

Sounds like he's using you to make it easier for him to meet people (swinging is easiest for single women, then couples and hardest for single guys)

He's not interested in just meeting you alone unless it's to keep you sweet to help facilitate the group fun. Ditch him.

He’s using you OP, benefits only himself

That's shocking. Honestly you deserve so much better than this!

This should tell you everything you need to know.

Jfc. Get some self respect. How could he have been any clearer that he can’t care less about you outside of what you can do for him? I cba to read all of it, but driving to him cos he cba to come to you is embarrassing.

He's fucking you over, in each and every way.

I couldn't be bothered with somebody so wishy-washy and blowing hot and cold.

You deserve better.

I'd be going for a full STI test, me.

Arghhh I thought you dumped him after your last post on him. You are catching feelings for someone openly using you for sex. Better to catch feelings for someone who has them for you too (he definitely doesn’t and never will)