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Original poster

Fwb confusion

89 replies

joanna123457 · 08/04/2025 14:53

Hi guys, so I need some advice here. Please no judgement. I’m 43 and have been in a fwb situation with a 40 year old guy since January. Long post so please bear with me!

Before we met he said that he thought he liked me more than fwb, (unsure how he could have known this) but if we did end up being more he wanted an open relationship (sleeping with other people)- and he wanted a 3 way 🫣

We met up for you know what the first time got on well, he said he now wanted a 3 way with a friend of his and didn’t need to see me on our own again to have it. (Back story he has been in 2 relationships one long term with whole he had a son she treated him badly and another one before Christmas).

So we had this 3 way I tried to meet up with him again over course of a month but he said he was busy at several times. One night I had a hotel booked and he said he was keen but perhaps wanted to bring a woman friend. Then he said he was working and was too tired to drive to me wanted me to get him. It turns out he wasn’t at work was at home drinking. When I was there he said I should go out and sleep with another guy as I did his 3 way with him. The next thing I know he’s telling me he doesn’t want me to as he’s jealous ( then he says it’s because he wants to sleep with me again and if I meet someone I might not - I mean really!)

Then we got into the whole more than friends conversation. He said he’d been and slept with another girl apologised to me but said he wouldn’t see her again as she wanted more and he doesn’t want a relationship or to date. The next thing I know he’s saying he would like to see me to hang out and see if there’s anything there but he doesn’t want to date or have a relationship.

Fast forward a few weeks and I tell him that we should finish the fwb thing (I started thinking about him after we were together as he was cuddling me in bed the morning after so I’m guessing catching feelings). The minute I say that he ends up ringing me asking me if I want to come and stay for a night.

So that’s the long and short of it, to say I’m confused is an understatement.

OP posts:
Original poster
joanna123457 · 08/04/2025 18:09

ARichtGoodDram · 08/04/2025 17:43

Was the 3 way with another woman by any chance?

Sounds like he's using you to make it easier for him to meet people (swinging is easiest for single women, then couples and hardest for single guys)

He's not interested in just meeting you alone unless it's to keep you sweet to help facilitate the group fun. Ditch him.

Yes it was with another girl. He basically said that right from the start leave it unless I wanted a 3 way - when I tried to set one up with another guy he backed out halfway through and blamed it on me then came back and said sorry

OP posts:
WinWhenTheyreSinging · 08/04/2025 18:12

I'm failing to see the friends or the benefits bits here ...

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 08/04/2025 18:18

At 43, you should want more from life than being treated like dirt.
That’s how this man is treating you.
And as for him being treated badly previously, that’s just for sympathy. He’s probably been shown the door for cheating.
Get out and stay out before this situation does you further harm. You sound quite vulnerable.
He sounds chaotic, and I should imagine he’s also drinking to excess.
You deserve better.

SunshineAndFizz · 08/04/2025 18:21

Good lord. Raise the bar. Why do people put up with men treating them like this.

Original poster
joanna123457 · 08/04/2025 18:21

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 08/04/2025 18:18

At 43, you should want more from life than being treated like dirt.
That’s how this man is treating you.
And as for him being treated badly previously, that’s just for sympathy. He’s probably been shown the door for cheating.
Get out and stay out before this situation does you further harm. You sound quite vulnerable.
He sounds chaotic, and I should imagine he’s also drinking to excess.
You deserve better.

Yeah I know his family so the stuff with his ex happened, but yes he does have a drink problem and he also does coke every now and then

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 08/04/2025 18:24

Yes it was with another girl. He basically said that right from the start leave it unless I wanted a 3 way - when I tried to set one up with another guy he backed out halfway through and blamed it on me then came back and said sorry

I had a feeling it would be @joanna123457

He's using you to set up his fun. If it was a genuine FWB set up then it would be about your fun as well - so a three way with another guy woulda be on the table if you fancied it.

He's a mannerless dickhead. If you want a FWB and group fun you could do vastly better - and as a woman it's much easier to find than a man. Hence him being nice when you looked like walking away.

Don't walk away - run. Casual fun is great, but respect and manners have to be a huge part of it. Otherwise it's just treating you as a free sex worker.

ARichtGoodDram · 08/04/2025 18:25

Yeah I know his family so the stuff with his ex happened, but yes he does have a drink problem and he also does coke every now and then

There's no excuse for him treating you badly.

Having a tough time or troubles in the past isn't a free pass to ill treating others.

100percenthagitude · 08/04/2025 18:26

Oh @joanna123457 there are SO many things you need to feel, other than confused.

This man is no friend and he offers you no benefits. You are a convenient hole and a compliant mug.

I'm sorry, but it's true. We all go there once, in our lives. Learn and move on xxx

Original poster
joanna123457 · 08/04/2025 18:27

ARichtGoodDram · 08/04/2025 18:24

Yes it was with another girl. He basically said that right from the start leave it unless I wanted a 3 way - when I tried to set one up with another guy he backed out halfway through and blamed it on me then came back and said sorry

I had a feeling it would be @joanna123457

He's using you to set up his fun. If it was a genuine FWB set up then it would be about your fun as well - so a three way with another guy woulda be on the table if you fancied it.

He's a mannerless dickhead. If you want a FWB and group fun you could do vastly better - and as a woman it's much easier to find than a man. Hence him being nice when you looked like walking away.

Don't walk away - run. Casual fun is great, but respect and manners have to be a huge part of it. Otherwise it's just treating you as a free sex worker.

Yep we got so far with a 3 way with a guy and then he backed out blamed it on me then came back said he got scared couldn’t do it suggested I have a 3 way with 2 other guys and asked to watch! What the hell 🫣

OP posts:
Ihavepandassurvivalinstinct · 08/04/2025 18:30

FWB is suppose to be simplething with no drama, with both sides having bit of fun.
You are not FWB, you are a shitshow.
It is simple as that.

Original poster
joanna123457 · 08/04/2025 18:31

Ihavepandassurvivalinstinct · 08/04/2025 18:30

FWB is suppose to be simplething with no drama, with both sides having bit of fun.
You are not FWB, you are a shitshow.
It is simple as that.

Edited

Right thanks 😞

OP posts:
MightAsWellBeGretel · 08/04/2025 18:33

Bloody hell, I thought the idea of a FWB situation was to cherry pick the fun bits of a relationship without any of the stresses or commitment.

This sounds neither fun nor stress free - quite the opposite.

When it comes to FWB or fuck buddies, if there's any confusion, pressure or upset, it's time to finish it.

babasaclover · 08/04/2025 18:43

joanna123457 · 08/04/2025 16:56

Newname he kept saying he wasn’t sure then asked me to come and pick him up an hour away as he’s been drinking 🙄

Show quote history

He’s a complete fuckboy, he wants you to be jealous also wants a taxi service. FUCK HIM OFF

ARainyNightInSoho · 08/04/2025 18:48

OP you have given this thread the title 'FWB confusion' but I can guarantee you that nobody reading it at all is confused about your situation. It's 100% clear that this man is not in to you. He might want sex now and then but he certainly does not want a relationship.

The issue you should be thinking about is not what he wants (because that is totally clear) but why on earth you want anything to do with him, because:

  1. He is not in to you
  2. He is sleazy

It's really important that you devote some time and energy to sorting yourself out now, rather than thinking about him. Why is it that you can't tell which men are suitable for relationships? Why don't you know that any situationship which is 'confusing' or 'complicated' from the start will never, ever go anywhere or make you happy?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 08/04/2025 18:58

Adding the drink and cocaine use, there is nothing but heartache for you if you stay.

TwistedWonder · 08/04/2025 19:02

Wasn’t the fact every single person on your previous thread told you he’s a fuckboy using you as a convenient vagina for his own fantasies enough to put you off?

Honestly that thread plus the others you posted in your old username you come across as very vulnerable and you’re allowing men to treat you like absolute shit.

Stop dating until you understand the difference between FWB - clues in the F and B - and someone who sees you as an easy willing shag when it suits them.

It was said on your previous threads you’re putting g yourself in very risky situations - you’ve got kids!! Ffs wake up and do better than this sordid shit show

TwistedWonder · 08/04/2025 19:04

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alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 08/04/2025 19:04

TwistedWonder · 08/04/2025 19:02

Wasn’t the fact every single person on your previous thread told you he’s a fuckboy using you as a convenient vagina for his own fantasies enough to put you off?

Honestly that thread plus the others you posted in your old username you come across as very vulnerable and you’re allowing men to treat you like absolute shit.

Stop dating until you understand the difference between FWB - clues in the F and B - and someone who sees you as an easy willing shag when it suits them.

It was said on your previous threads you’re putting g yourself in very risky situations - you’ve got kids!! Ffs wake up and do better than this sordid shit show

This. All of it. He's a shit, but you have agency and should use it.

ARichtGoodDram · 08/04/2025 19:07

Yep we got so far with a 3 way with a guy and then he backed out blamed it on me then came back said he got scared couldn’t do it suggested I have a 3 way with 2 other guys and asked to watch! What the hell 🫣

He's using you a free sex worker.

He has no respect for you, or any interest in your wishes or your fun at all.

Do yourself a favour and run away.

It's easy for a woman to find sexual fun if she wants it - you don't need this arsehole for that. And you certainly don't need him for anything else.

ARainyNightInSoho · 08/04/2025 19:09

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Original poster
joanna123457 · 08/04/2025 19:09

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No I haven’t posted about this guy before actually before you accuse

OP posts:
headabouttoexplode2 · 08/04/2025 20:12

He sounds like a complete headfuck. Bin him off.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 08/04/2025 20:20

This is not a FWB, this is you dancing to his tune. Why are you doing that?
The only confusion here is what it is exactly that you are looking for.
He's a fuck boy and you absolutely need to get tested.

Dery · 08/04/2025 20:21

@joanna123457 - noted that you have not posted about this before. Another OP was in a very similar position to you and posted about it. That’s why your posts sound familiar to some of us. I’m glad you’re not her, actually, because by the end of her thread, from memory, she had decided to dump the guy so it would be a shame to hear she had backtracked on it.

This guy sounds like a mindfuck. He’s using you to get 3-somes. He obviously sees himself as some kind of massive stud and just wants you for acting out fantasies. Doesn’t sound like it’s what you want so best to just move on.

Original poster
joanna123457 · 08/04/2025 21:21

Dery · 08/04/2025 20:21

@joanna123457 - noted that you have not posted about this before. Another OP was in a very similar position to you and posted about it. That’s why your posts sound familiar to some of us. I’m glad you’re not her, actually, because by the end of her thread, from memory, she had decided to dump the guy so it would be a shame to hear she had backtracked on it.

This guy sounds like a mindfuck. He’s using you to get 3-somes. He obviously sees himself as some kind of massive stud and just wants you for acting out fantasies. Doesn’t sound like it’s what you want so best to just move on.

Yeah agreed. When he said the night was on for us to meet last week (which we did on thurs) he said don’t be mad, then told me he’d texted his friend for the 3 some to come over as well. She didn’t in the end but he was like what if she doesn’t come over - well I’m like I was supposed to be coming over so what does it matter?

OP posts:
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