Help!!! I have a major crush & it’s turning into something it shouldn’t…

[lovelylady94]

okay, please no hate. I already know how bad this is, and I’m guilty even just thinking about it. This is gonna be kinda long but I really need some help figuring this out…

ive been in a relationship with the same man for almost 14 years. Met him in high school. We’ve gone through really rough times and he truly is my life partner and I don’t ever want to live without him. I love my life with him and things are just now starting to get better for us. We are in our 30s. He’s always been faithful to me and loves me so much, as I do him. And I would never want to ruin that.

but here’s where it gets messy. I started working with this team back in October. I immediately knew the first time I met this man that I was attracted to him, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. I’ve had crushes before but never acted on it because it normally wasn’t mutual and I knew it wasn’t right to pursue. But as things have progressed with this team and the longer I work with them the closer he and I have grown together. He is always very verbal about how pretty I am, hugging me etc. which he does with many women. Including others on the team, it’s kinda just what he does. We’ve had joking conversations that if we weren’t both in relationships (he’s married) that we would definitely date each other. But it never went past that.

The last couple times I’ve seen him I could feel a difference in the energy and the attraction we had to each other. And then this last meeting happened. He opened up to me about me being super sexy to him, and said he wouldn’t think of ever being unfaithful with his wife but that he does with me. I honestly feel the same. He makes me feel ways I have NEVER felt before. Mind you he’s 15 years older than me and much more experienced than me in intimate and emotional ways.

So after this confession we were alone, which never happens… but it did for some reason that day. He told me that he wanted to help me feel special- in context I am very self conscious of myself and my body currently. And my partner does make me feel special and good about myself but this is different… this man looks at me and I can’t even talk… he said he wants to have fun with me and there is nothing wrong with that for him but that he wants to respect my relationship even if I feel mutual. He wants to just see how things progress between us because he is so overwhelmingly attracted to me. Keep in mind I have only been with my partner, no one else…. So I really don’t even know what it’s like to be with another man. Nothing really happened in the car after that, we just kept talking about the strong feelings etc. and then he secretly kissed me when the team wasn’t around later that day. and I liked it…

I know how wrong this is but he is literally my fantasy… he would be my hall pass if you will. Truly my dream guy. This kiss just solidified the sexual tension between us, and honestly just made things a little more intense. It was a quick moment, we didn’t talk about it and then went on our separate ways. So I have no idea what’s even going to happen next.

we did talk about how this could potentially ruin the team working relationship and each of our own relationships if this were to get out, which I know it would. And it’s absolutely a concern for me. I would hate to lose this team. And have the reputation of a cheater with them. And I hate the feeling of being unfaithful to my partner. But I also have this deep urge to explore something else and just have some unattached fun. Because that’s truly what he said it would be. He has no desire to change his life with his wife. And same for me. But we have this tension between us that keeps getting bigger as time goes on.

I just don’t know what to do. I know it’s wrong and I know even kissing him was a boundary crossed. But I can’t help these feelings for him. Please tell me what to do. This is so bad and I just want to know how to even tell him that I just can’t do this. It would break his heart but I also don’t want to break my partners heart and have this guilt inside of me that I can barely live with…

How many red flags do you need? So you are cheating and trying to justify it? I can't see going down the gerlntly softy poor you route will work this is on you cheat if you want but no how you think this will actually be justifiable other that you being a cheat?

Another poster who maybe could do with working on your own self respect first? Can you honestly see any good coming from this?

Don't tell your husband. Confessions are selfish. They're about the guilty party getting absolution rather than the victim needing to know.

Classic married man script. He likes the thrill of the chase. I bet he told you that he’s never felt like this before, never cheated on his wife even though they haven’t had sex for years. Blah blah.. next!

And her poor partner?
And his wife?

Do they get a say in this?

I don’t think it’s pearl clutching to believe in being faithful to your long term committed partner, or expecting the, to do the same.

”He wanted to help me feel special”
Ah what a gent wanting to do something to help you.
He’s clever op, he’ll have used these lines many times before, the guy is serial cheater and knows the lines to use to reel you in.
Stay well clear, simple as that

”He wanted to help me feel special”

No, he wants to get his cock wet.

You'll end up feeling used and played, not special.

Don't betray your nice partner for the office flirt/fuck boy.

The married office flirt/fuck boy.

Ever think about his wife?
Would you like to be in her shoes?
Any kids?

OP - I hope this thread is helping you as much as it is me. Trust me, as much as you want to believe it, you're not special. Not to him anyway. This is a classic challenge, the thrill of the chase. Power and control. From a man who is clearly so completely insecure and unfulfilled and bored. And you feel like he chose you, that he saw something special in you, that there is a connection. There isn't. He's bored. So are you. But play the tape to the end, what comes next? More kissing? Full sex? A grubby affair with sex in hotel rooms? Each encounter you feel him detaching a bit more while you get more emotionally attached? Then at the end your personal and professional life in tatters? As hard as this will be, you need to detach. You need boundaries, because so far you've showed him you have absolutely none! Find your backbone. Find your self respect. Walk the fuck away.

This is shocking, you clearly have never been cheated on?

This is a great response, just reading it made me think of my husband and our relationship, a relationship I would never ruin. I hope OP listens to nearly all of the advice here.

Come on now. He compliments and hugs all the women in the team? He's looking for an in! There's no way he's hasn't done this before. He's presenting this to you as if it's harmless to just have a bit of fun outside the marriage. That's because he is selfish and doesn't care about anyone's feelings! He doesn't care about fucking his wife over and wouldn't think twice about fucking you over, too. He KNOWS you are invested in the team so would keep it to yourself.

Your comment about unattached fun is a big red flag here. You are not unattached! And nor is he! This is a deeply entangled mess that could blow up both your home life and professional life.

You say you are certain that your partner is your partner for life. You need to protect that. Don't throw it away for a fleeting moment that will certainly end in chaos and hell, mostly for you.

Avoid this other man like the plague. Move teams if you can. Run for your life!

This man sounds like an absolute sleaze

^ This