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Original poster

Help!!! I have a major crush & it’s turning into something it shouldn’t…

112 replies

lovelylady94 · 05/04/2025 17:01

okay, please no hate. I already know how bad this is, and I’m guilty even just thinking about it. This is gonna be kinda long but I really need some help figuring this out…

ive been in a relationship with the same man for almost 14 years. Met him in high school. We’ve gone through really rough times and he truly is my life partner and I don’t ever want to live without him. I love my life with him and things are just now starting to get better for us. We are in our 30s. He’s always been faithful to me and loves me so much, as I do him. And I would never want to ruin that.

but here’s where it gets messy. I started working with this team back in October. I immediately knew the first time I met this man that I was attracted to him, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. I’ve had crushes before but never acted on it because it normally wasn’t mutual and I knew it wasn’t right to pursue. But as things have progressed with this team and the longer I work with them the closer he and I have grown together. He is always very verbal about how pretty I am, hugging me etc. which he does with many women. Including others on the team, it’s kinda just what he does. We’ve had joking conversations that if we weren’t both in relationships (he’s married) that we would definitely date each other. But it never went past that.

The last couple times I’ve seen him I could feel a difference in the energy and the attraction we had to each other. And then this last meeting happened. He opened up to me about me being super sexy to him, and said he wouldn’t think of ever being unfaithful with his wife but that he does with me. I honestly feel the same. He makes me feel ways I have NEVER felt before. Mind you he’s 15 years older than me and much more experienced than me in intimate and emotional ways.

So after this confession we were alone, which never happens… but it did for some reason that day. He told me that he wanted to help me feel special- in context I am very self conscious of myself and my body currently. And my partner does make me feel special and good about myself but this is different… this man looks at me and I can’t even talk… he said he wants to have fun with me and there is nothing wrong with that for him but that he wants to respect my relationship even if I feel mutual. He wants to just see how things progress between us because he is so overwhelmingly attracted to me. Keep in mind I have only been with my partner, no one else…. So I really don’t even know what it’s like to be with another man. Nothing really happened in the car after that, we just kept talking about the strong feelings etc. and then he secretly kissed me when the team wasn’t around later that day. and I liked it…

I know how wrong this is but he is literally my fantasy… he would be my hall pass if you will. Truly my dream guy. This kiss just solidified the sexual tension between us, and honestly just made things a little more intense. It was a quick moment, we didn’t talk about it and then went on our separate ways. So I have no idea what’s even going to happen next.

we did talk about how this could potentially ruin the team working relationship and each of our own relationships if this were to get out, which I know it would. And it’s absolutely a concern for me. I would hate to lose this team. And have the reputation of a cheater with them. And I hate the feeling of being unfaithful to my partner. But I also have this deep urge to explore something else and just have some unattached fun. Because that’s truly what he said it would be. He has no desire to change his life with his wife. And same for me. But we have this tension between us that keeps getting bigger as time goes on.

I just don’t know what to do. I know it’s wrong and I know even kissing him was a boundary crossed. But I can’t help these feelings for him. Please tell me what to do. This is so bad and I just want to know how to even tell him that I just can’t do this. It would break his heart but I also don’t want to break my partners heart and have this guilt inside of me that I can barely live with…

OP posts:
Ontheproverbialball · 05/04/2025 20:51

He sounds like an experienced manipulative cheat.

Some men enjoy controlling women through their lies. Getting a woman to emotionally and sexually attach to them is the goal of their lies. It’s about control.

i would not touch this man with a barge pole.

SharpTiger · 05/04/2025 20:55

How often do you actually see this colleague at work? You need to avoid him if you can, or change jobs.

SayWatchaLookingAtWillis · 05/04/2025 20:55

If you tell your OH about the kiss he will never trust you again. He might even decide to go and do the same. Forget it and move on with your life.

The next time the Sleazy colleague wants to poke his tongue in your mouth have a think about where it might have been a few hours earlier. He’s up his own arse and probably someone else’s. 🤮

00psInamechangedagain · 05/04/2025 20:58

Just have sex with him and get it out of your system, otherwise the tension will drive you insane. The pearl clutchers on here must know deep down that sometimes people are just attracted to each other and need to do something about it.

photostoogood · 05/04/2025 20:59

00psInamechangedagain · 05/04/2025 20:58

Just have sex with him and get it out of your system, otherwise the tension will drive you insane. The pearl clutchers on here must know deep down that sometimes people are just attracted to each other and need to do something about it.

Does her husband get to do the same thing with a woman he thinks is fit ?!

MrsPerfect12 · 05/04/2025 21:01

Scutterbug · 05/04/2025 17:05

I bet he’s used those lines many, many times on many, many women.
Walk away, this is so not worth it.

100% exactly this. It's a line. Don't be a fool. Use on many many before you. You'll have sec and he'll dump you, you'll feel like shit and your DP will dump you. Then what?

ohnowwhatcanitbe · 05/04/2025 21:03

LetsWatchTheFlowersGrow · 05/04/2025 17:12

“He is always very verbal about how pretty I am, hugging me etc. which he does with many women. Including others on the team, it’s kinda just what he does”

He sounds like a creep 🤢

He certainly does sound like a creep. And a sex pest too. He's a sexual predator hiding in plain sight, and getting his kicks from groping female staff.

@lovelylady94 For crying out loud woman, come to your senses.

gmgnts · 05/04/2025 21:04

Don't tell your DP about the kiss - there's nothing to be gained and a lot to be lost, including perhaps even your relationship. It will be uncomfortable keeping a secret, but that's the price you have to pay.

YourWinter · 05/04/2025 21:05

Imagine that man was your husband speaking to a new team member that way, flirting, kissing her, leading her on to think she’s so special he’d be doing her a favour by shagging her?

Don’t be so stupid.

He’ll have done it before, he’ll do it again, you’ll just be another notch on his bedpost and your relationship with your husband will change whether he learns the truth or not.

If you want to have fun sex with other men, divorce your husband first and only have fun sex with other men who aren’t married.

NameChangedOfc · 05/04/2025 21:10

He is a snake charmer (or quite possibly a snake, fullstop). Beware: you are the ideal prey for these people.

SplendidUtterly · 05/04/2025 21:13

He's done this before....

Gremlins101 · 05/04/2025 21:13

Oh no OP, sounds like you need to change teams. Aged 23, I threw a grenade in a relationship with my wonderful highschool boyfriend for an infatuated snog wih an unemployed pothead who made me feel ALL the things. I ended up being with the latter 7 years and regret that part big time. He was very controlling and emotionally abusive. Now I'm with my husband, I still get mad crushes. I started reading about "limerance", and it helped me understand my brain better. I realise now it's just a thing my brain does, not based on actual compatibility.

Please please do not have sex with this sleaze bag x

MuffinsOrCake · 05/04/2025 21:16

What he looks like? Like the French blue-eyed chef on telly?

TwistedWonder · 05/04/2025 21:18

00psInamechangedagain · 05/04/2025 20:58

Just have sex with him and get it out of your system, otherwise the tension will drive you insane. The pearl clutchers on here must know deep down that sometimes people are just attracted to each other and need to do something about it.

Right so not blowing your LTR by fucking the sleaze bag office community cock is pearl clutching? Right oh then 🤣

Iammatrix · 05/04/2025 21:18

00psInamechangedagain · 05/04/2025 20:58

Just have sex with him and get it out of your system, otherwise the tension will drive you insane. The pearl clutchers on here must know deep down that sometimes people are just attracted to each other and need to do something about it.

OMG! I grabbed my pearls so tightly they broke!

I also LOL! But that was your intention with your post wasn’t?

Redglitter · 05/04/2025 21:20

00psInamechangedagain · 05/04/2025 20:58

Just have sex with him and get it out of your system, otherwise the tension will drive you insane. The pearl clutchers on here must know deep down that sometimes people are just attracted to each other and need to do something about it.

Would that be your attitude if it was your husband/partner. You'd be ok with him having aex with some else just to get it out his system

BeCalmNavyDreamer · 05/04/2025 21:35

Ok, posters have piled on and they are right BUT reading this I think you also need to see what you have done right. You stopped at kissing. You posted here. You recognised it was a mess.
Obviously you shouldn't have done it but no one's perfect.
Get this guy out of your head and then work on yourself - improve your confidence, decide what you want, get some counselling. Take a while to decide if what you want in a relationship is your husband but make sure that if you decide to break up, it's a well considered decision to be alone and happy for a while, not for a crush.
Good luck, go get some excitement in your life...just not with this shady knob head.

notatinydancer · 05/04/2025 21:36

It wouldn’t break his heart if you turn him down @lovelylady94it just means he’ll have to get a quick shag somewhere else.

Notquitegrownup2 · 05/04/2025 21:36

This. I've been in your shoes OP. But I didn't know about the script and how convincing some guys can be. And I know how powerful the attraction can be. Like your man, he was older, more experienced and so so sincere. We just gravitated together whenever he was in the room.

I had to leave my job in the end to break free of my feelings/ for a fresh start. The feelings were too much - and it was bloody hard to walk away. But I was right to.

Google limerance. It's a thing. But it wouldn't last.

Cobwebbingly · 05/04/2025 21:42

thistimelastweek · 05/04/2025 17:07

He sounds like a player.

Agreed.
I think he’s done this before OP, and likely will again.
Don’t mess up your life for him.

kanaka · 05/04/2025 21:57

00psInamechangedagain · 05/04/2025 20:58

Just have sex with him and get it out of your system, otherwise the tension will drive you insane. The pearl clutchers on here must know deep down that sometimes people are just attracted to each other and need to do something about it.

The OP should have sex with some skanky middle aged serial cheat 15 years older? Gross. I'm not clutching pearls telling the OP not to shag that wanker! I'm helping the OP.

Scrambledchickens · 05/04/2025 21:58

He’s a horrible flirt and this is just a big game/ ego trip for him don’t blow up your life !

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 05/04/2025 22:01

What’s with all these ‘crush’ references ? It’s something a teenager would have said in the 70’s/80’s.

TwistedWonder · 05/04/2025 22:05

kanaka · 05/04/2025 21:57

The OP should have sex with some skanky middle aged serial cheat 15 years older? Gross. I'm not clutching pearls telling the OP not to shag that wanker! I'm helping the OP.

Show quote history

Yep. I mean nothing screams romance of the century like a knee trembler in the stationary cupboard with Dirtbox Dave the office letch.

Oh wait……

doubleshotcappuccino · 05/04/2025 22:06

Why is it always the same lines … sorry OP but this is classic predatory behaviour - this is a game and you’re the prey I’m sorry to say - I’ve warned my Dd about this. Nothing good will come of this but it may unravel your life in a way you can’t correct . You posted for a reason - if you were sure you would have gone with it

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