Ex wont leave, is making my life miserable and child protection services involved

[EspressoMartini33]

Four months ago I asked my partner of 15 years to separate. We have two young children and a mortgage.
Throughout month one, he wouldnt engage in any conversation with me about separating. He shut me down or became extremely verbally abusive towards me.
I started to communicate with him (about the separation) via email. I detailed that I wanted it to be amicable, that I wanted to co-parent, but ultimately the relationship was over and we needed to sort the house. I offered to buy him out of the house.
Side note: I have been financially supporting with all outgoings for our family for a year - mortgage, food, childcare, fuel, clothes, holidays, phone bills, gym memberships - everything.
I decided in February to stop supporting his personal finances; car, gym, phone.
He turned even more emotionally abusive - including telling my children that he wanted me to 'burn in hell' and that I am breaking up the family and destroying their lives. He's even told them that when I tell them I love them, I dont mean it.
I have a lot of this recorded.
I told the school.
The school called Child Protection Services (CPS).
Since then, my children are on a Child Protection Plan as they at risk of emotional abuse. The CPS say whilst we continue to live together our children are at risk.
His family live in a big house, 30 mins away. My family live 2 hours away.
I ask him to talk about the children, given the situation, he turns abusive again, telling me that he wont allow me to buy him out of the house (that I pay for) and he will only consider selling 'when he is ready' and that he will only do this option as he wants me to suffer and see the pain in the childrens eyes when we all leave our family home.
CPS at one point saw him for the type of man he is, however in our latest conference, they stated we are both 'decent human beings' that just need to sit and sort this out.
In the meantime I have spent £5k on legal advice. My solicitor was mid writing a letter to him asking him to think about house options, then once the CPS were involved they told me to change tact and apply for an urgent occupation order (OO) Which I did. What my solicitor didnt advise is that OO's are incredibly hard to get granted.
They told me I must do it to demonstrate to the CPS that I am doing everything in my power to protect my children. I told the CPS, but they didnt seem too phased or supportive of this.
My solicitor has billed me for the letter than never reached my ex and are now telling me I must continue pushing the courts for the OO.

I don't know what to do....

I am still paying for this man. He is making mine and the children's lives a misery. He plays up to the CPS, then when we get home he's horrible to me again.

I am hoping someone has been through this kind of thing before and can help me.

Am I months away from freedom? Is there anything else I should be doing?

I feel like I am being held hostage in my own life.

That sounds so risky. It's never ever the victims fault but by the same token people should not out themselves at risk by doing something that coukd lead to a man tk very violent.

He is obviously trying to get you to leave .
I know it must be hard being in the same house ,but can you fully ignore him. Have no conversations and just go about your day and show he can't cause you to get upset/angry or whatever else?
Maybe he will see you also won't be driven out and he is not having such a big effect on you anymore.
It sounds like he fees on your being upset and his dad probably hopes his son gets the house so he doesn't live with him.
A man who's behaviour is this bad is probably similar to his dad's. So it's no wonder he supports him .
I hope legally you can get something in place before long

This is a very good idea.

@EspressoMartini33 I suggested you could
have someone stay (can’t find my own post but did tag you so you might have a notification somewhere) - and it doesn’t have to be the same person? A friend for a couple of weeks. Then relative. Another friend. He might then just realise he can’t win and decide to leave - especially if you come up with a figure to buy him out. Might be worth thinking about as a means to ‘help him on his way’. Also gives you some protection.

I was in a similar situation, although children’s services weren’t involved. ex P was very abusive and refused to leave. I move out into a rented apartment with my two children. I stopped paying the mortgage and asked my solicitor to pursue an order for the house to be sold. As the mortgage wasn’t being paid, it almost got to repossession but eventually the house was sold. It messed up my credit record but it was worth it because it meant me and my children were away from him and living safe. I hope you are ok, it’s a horrendous position to be in.

Op hopefully you can plan you exit with all the advice from here one way or another
As Redhairandhottubs said maybe this,
You need to be not walking on eggshells around him, I also mentioned an mortgage holiday to allow you to rent an airbub for a few months , might give him the push he needs, good luck op

I was in a similar situation years ago with my ex-husband. Luckily they did grant an occupation order, however he constantly broke that and kept coming back to the house. Once social services got involved, I packed everything I could into a couple of bags and left for a refuge with my child because there was no way in hell I was going to risk staying at the house and having her removed from my care. It was shit for the short term but now we have a good life free from it all.

@EspressoMartini33 I know that you don’t have time to respond to every question, but if you have a chance, I asked upthread whether your partner has ever displayed aggressive behavior in the past, or whether this is completely new?

Do you think he might be having a breakdown or some type of MH crisis? I’m not suggesting that this excuses his behavior, just wondering whether that’s a possibility.

I think it's a fair comment. He will never admit it, but he does suffer with his MH. He is paranoid and anxious and controlling.

That said, he has always been angry, verbally aggressive and controlling.

He seems completely shocked by the fact police have been involved (as a result of his behaviour) and does not see any fault in what he does. I dont know if this makes him a narcissist or mentally unwell.

@EspressoMartini33 Thanks for responding. I’m so sorry that he’s always been aggressive and controlling, what a shit. 💐 Just my two cents, but I really think that having someone trust come to stay is a good idea. You need backup.

I was in a very similar situation. I moved out and paid the mortgage and rented somewhere. He dragged the sale out for 4 years and it cost me £60k in legal fees. I took it back to court so many times. Ours was complex as we had rented properties too that he refused to take my name off so I couldn’t buy anywhere. It has badly affected my children. Utterly frustrating. I wish I could give you more advice but all I say is you have my sympathy. It was honestly so worth it to be free of him. It think getting a friend or relative to move in is an excellent idea and wish I had thought of that.

@EspressoMartini33 - I've sent you a PM.