Ex wont leave, is making my life miserable and child protection services involved

[EspressoMartini33]

Four months ago I asked my partner of 15 years to separate. We have two young children and a mortgage.
Throughout month one, he wouldnt engage in any conversation with me about separating. He shut me down or became extremely verbally abusive towards me.
I started to communicate with him (about the separation) via email. I detailed that I wanted it to be amicable, that I wanted to co-parent, but ultimately the relationship was over and we needed to sort the house. I offered to buy him out of the house.
Side note: I have been financially supporting with all outgoings for our family for a year - mortgage, food, childcare, fuel, clothes, holidays, phone bills, gym memberships - everything.
I decided in February to stop supporting his personal finances; car, gym, phone.
He turned even more emotionally abusive - including telling my children that he wanted me to 'burn in hell' and that I am breaking up the family and destroying their lives. He's even told them that when I tell them I love them, I dont mean it.
I have a lot of this recorded.
I told the school.
The school called Child Protection Services (CPS).
Since then, my children are on a Child Protection Plan as they at risk of emotional abuse. The CPS say whilst we continue to live together our children are at risk.
His family live in a big house, 30 mins away. My family live 2 hours away.
I ask him to talk about the children, given the situation, he turns abusive again, telling me that he wont allow me to buy him out of the house (that I pay for) and he will only consider selling 'when he is ready' and that he will only do this option as he wants me to suffer and see the pain in the childrens eyes when we all leave our family home.
CPS at one point saw him for the type of man he is, however in our latest conference, they stated we are both 'decent human beings' that just need to sit and sort this out.
In the meantime I have spent £5k on legal advice. My solicitor was mid writing a letter to him asking him to think about house options, then once the CPS were involved they told me to change tact and apply for an urgent occupation order (OO) Which I did. What my solicitor didnt advise is that OO's are incredibly hard to get granted.
They told me I must do it to demonstrate to the CPS that I am doing everything in my power to protect my children. I told the CPS, but they didnt seem too phased or supportive of this.
My solicitor has billed me for the letter than never reached my ex and are now telling me I must continue pushing the courts for the OO.

I don't know what to do....

I am still paying for this man. He is making mine and the children's lives a misery. He plays up to the CPS, then when we get home he's horrible to me again.

I am hoping someone has been through this kind of thing before and can help me.

Am I months away from freedom? Is there anything else I should be doing?

I feel like I am being held hostage in my own life.

@EspressoMartini33 what about a non molestation order if this is granted then he will be restricted from “you “ and your address . This means he couldn’t come to the property and live.
Maybe you need a second opinion legal wise .
Can you get another one or two free half hour la booked with different solicitors.

It's extremely unlikely. I'm not sure how your daughter managed it but in every borough I've worked in they won't move a person in the same housing authority because it's not safe enough, and no refuge in my experience would take someone who lived locally as again it's too risky

@EvelynBeatrice has good advice- could one or both of your parents come for an extended stay? Sibling or friend?

You can't get a non molestation order against someone who lives in the same house as you without an occupation order. He has as much right to live there as she does unless she gets an order excluding him.

The things he's saying are extremely worrying, especially the bit about causing you pain and then making it so that you both lose the children. It sounds like he wants to wreck your life rather than make any compromise with you. Are you concerned that he might try to physically hurt you and/or the children?

@EspressoMartini33 Re. The household finances. Was he made redundant a year ago? Just wondering what's happened.

Has he behaved aggressively in the past or is this completely new behavior? Could he be having a breakdown or some type of MH crisis? I'd definitely see whether a relative or friend could come to stay for additional backup.

I agree @Shetlands, he's not rational, that's why I'm wondering about his mental health. I think the OP needs another adult in the house ASAP.

This is from womans aid:

• If you want to remain in the area in which you live (for example, because that is where you have the most support from friends or family), the Authority still has a duty to assess your homeless application and move you somewhere safe.

Ok . Just an idea that’s why I said maybe best get second opinion legal wise .
I didn’t know it didn’t work for people living in the same property
Seems like the solicitor needs to get a hurry on with the OO then.

Yes you're right, I realised I was being too sweeping in what I said above. It does depend on the risk assessment, I've mostly worked with high risk violent perpetrators which OP's husband isn't.

You need to get the occupation order and as he won’t agree to you buying him out a financial order that could involve selling the family home. The solicitor has told you what you need to do. Opting not to do that doesn’t make the advice bad. It means you chose not to take the advice.

I'm not entirely sure what's going on here but it sounds like you haven't been given very good advice.

If he's abusive to the children you can stop contact
Unless it's court ordered, stop financing him
Usually you can get legal aid with abuse but I assume you're over the threshold
FLOWS or Rights of Women can give free legal advice regarding the OO (which you can fill out and do for free)
You can force the sale of the house
Change solicitors to one experienced in DV

How can she stop contact when they live in the same house?!

My dd was heigh risk it was under life in danger mappa /marac/ amd others i forgot who else but a few .

Dd had to be moved. But also my household had to be moved to. Which I think it quite unusal.

It does depend on the situation though

I misread, well spotted

molestation order even if both you and the person you're seeking protection from own property, as the order focuses on preventing abuse and harassment, not property ownership.

Here's a more detailed explanation:
Focus of Non-Molestation Orders:
These orders are designed to protect individuals from abuse, threats, or harassment, regardless of whether they share a home or not.

Associated Persons:
To apply for a non-molestation order, you and the person you want to be protected from must be "associated persons". This includes spouses, ex-spouses, civil partners, people you've lived with, parents of your child, or someone you've had an intimate relationship with.

Occupation Orders:
If you and the respondent jointly own the family home, the court may be less inclined to grant a "zonal" aspect of the non-molestation order (prohibiting the respondent from entering a defined area) and might suggest applying for an Occupation Order instead.

Can I recommend being very clear with your social worker exactly what you want to happen; they should be able to provide you with support from Women’s Aid and the police in respect of separating from your partner.

Not sure this is good advice but a few friends have represented themselves in court (successfully) and used ChatGPT to help them and to also draft emotionless letters to the ex. Sounds like you are going to have to tell him what the arrangements are as he’s not going to be proactive enough to “think about options”. If you want to buy him out, decide on that, get the house valued and outline it all in a letter. Maybe get a free hours advice from another solicitor to guide you. Best of luck. Just awful

Occupation order? Think that is what it is called when he can’t live there.

no, I am paying for all bills plus the mortgage, plus solicitor bills.

it's not about wrong advice, it's about not being upfront and clear on expectations. I have had bills equating to £6k. One for a letter that has never been sent and one for the occupation/ non molestation order plus chasing the courts. It's insane money. If the solicitor had told me that the occupation order was almost impossible to get through, I may have thought twice about it. The CPS also didnt seem bothered that I was going down this route to protect my children. My solicitor also didnt tell me that there would be more costs if the occupation order wasn't granted..... It's a minefield and one I am expecting my solicitor to guide me through, not cost me more money every day.

that's what I applied for. Turns out they are very rarely handed out

thanks so much for your well wishes - it is awful you are right :-( I have done a lot of what you suggest already, but will also now be looking to speak with other solicitors

thank you - to be honest the social worker saw what was happening between me and my ex during their first visit. They called him out to be angry, aggressive, wouldnt allow me to speak and saw I was visibly scared of him. Yet when it came to the conference, they seemed to see me as part of the problem, and that we were just having very bad arguments due to the separation. So I dont really trust that they can help me.

I applied for the occupation order and it wasnt granted