Should I pay for everything?

[ainew201]

I make about 3500 a month benefits and wages together, I pay 600 in childcare. Pay most bills , my partner gives me 500 a month , he says he shouldn't have to pay for kids clothes which is only for Xmas easter etc ,he thinks I should pay for it as I earn more he goes as far to say he shouldn't have to even pay 500 a month for help towards food rent and other essentials, I pay for kids activity's broadband, myself and sons mobile phone. Childcare , and food gas electric also , am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at this he earns around 2000 a month but because I get more money I should pay for all of it , I just want to no if this is a reasonable request on his part

He's being massively entitled and unreasonable to think he shouldn't contribute to his own kids. How much do you have left over? You should have the same fun money after everything paid as him.

If you still have £1100 left after all expenses which you can spend on luxuries for yourself (and on your eldest child) then the split is fair, if the amount you have left over after all expenses is much less than this then the split isn’t really fair. You should both have a similar amount of money left over to spend on yourselves (or save) after all household expenses and he should be contributing to expenses for his children.

The disability benefit and your CMS money should be taken out of the equation as they’d money for your kids.

Your remaining salary and his then need to be divided fairly. So if after the above are taken out yours is say 2.8k and his is 2k then split household expenses 60/40 - and I’m sure his 40% comes to a lot more than £500

Fgs, Why are people not reading the OPs posts?! The "benefits" are DLA for her disabled child.... 🙄

Because attacking disabled adults and children and objecting to the fact that the most disabled receive allowances to help cover incremental cost of disability is MN's favourite hobby at the moment. Its a hobby which HQ seem happy to defend every time its raised.

Oh and OP, on the subject of the thread - you have a cocklodger. Both parents should be supporting their children. If incomes are wide apart then do it in proportion to income but both should be making that effort at home and in the workplace.

I wish people would read the thread, or at least the OPs posts before they start frothing about benefits

the OP gets DLA for a disabled child.
DLA, like PIP, is not means tested - its to help with the extra costs over and above normal, which having a disability entails.

That said, the DLA and CM for eldest should be taken out of the equation, because effectively these are not monies that should be available to the OPs partner.

I think I asked earlier, but given the extra info about CM

How does your partner feel that he is being subsidised by a disabled child - does he think thats OK?

And how would your ex feel, knowing that this sponger is having reduced costs because of his CM payments?

remove CM and DLA from your income amount.

what is the difference between your salaries now? if you want to be fair you can do it proportionally.

Does that make his £500 more or less reasonable, especially given you have a £600 childcare bill, which no doubt allows him to work too?

and yes, he should be paying for their clothes and activities. AND doing half the chores as you both work full time.

for comparison, my daughter who is disabled, who gets PIP/UC and is currently at uni so gets a grant, pays me £450 a month, food, rent and bills included. her income is less than your partners. She doesnt have any children to be responsible for. Your partner is taking the piss, and he SHOULD be paying a fair amount, not griping about his freeloading. Its called respect.

He thinks 120 a week is enough to sustain him and 50%childcare for his two children. Think again buddy. That 120 per week for himself and (equivalent) 1 child's full expenses. It wouldn't pay for groceries. Financial abuse.

Good paid?

OP I agree with everyone else on this thread but just wanted to add something from my own experience.

DH and I earn similar amounts with a bit of fluctuation over the years. We are married so in theory all money is 'ours' anyway. But because he isn't great with money, and for practical budgeting reasons, we've always had our own accounts and a joint one and we both put equal amounts into the joint one to cover all living expenses. We are lucky that our financial position is good and has got better as time has gone on. But recently I realised that we are still doing the same arrangement as when we started many years ago...putting same amount in...despite our salaries going up. And while my own account balance has been slowly increasing as ive saved, he's just been spending his extra on himself. My point is that because we are managing financially, I've never given it much thought or had the motivation to do much about it. Then suddenly I've woken up and realised he could have been saving for our future for all these years and he hasn't been. This is how I feel about your post...you seem to be managing financially OK...but he has £1500 per month that could be benefitting your family and your future. Whether you actually need that money day to day isn't all that's relevant.

As he’s being so petty the DLA & CMS are ringfenced for your eldest. You then pay proportional to your income 50:50 and you chip in a 5th of variable costs from your eldest’s pit of money.

Your being financially abused, just because its not on the breadline doesn't make it right.

Your not married so your savings are completely separate in the event of a split. He is massively benefiting from you paying the day to day and he's gaining the savings.

He either needs to give you more and keep it separate or everything goes into a joint account but you both agree an amount for 'fun' money each. The latter is what me and my dh do.

@ainew201 his Half rent half food half broadband food . Half his kids bills too .
you seriously are happy with £500

He needs to leave you will have less bills and less cleaning.
He will have about £500 maintenance to pay and you will get some time to yourself. .

He is taking the piss !
You shouldn’t be happy with that amount , it could be saved of your kids.
He may leave when the kids are up and he has saved a fortune using you and the kids !

You might be coughing… I’m bloody choking!

That’s because you can’t read properly .
she has a good salary . A son clearly entitled to disability. .
why is this such a problem .

there normally a chain of thought that both should gave the same amount of free money

depends on your outgoings
he earns 2k -£500 = £1500
you 3500+500 =4000
if you pay out £2500 a month your left with £1500 the same as him also the fact one of the kids isn’t his

Why do you want to no how much i get paid , that's really none of your business

I'm not sure why you put benefits in capital letters, my benefits are DLA , which my son is very much entitled to! The rest of my income Is from working very hard. So my income is also well deserved . So please before you make judgement maybe read my other threads

We do it the other way round. We keep an appropriate amount of “spends” in our own account, and the rest is shared between joint payments and savings.

I don’t. I thought it was called a well-paying job. With a good salary. But yeah, your partner is being an idiot. Don’t know why you put up with it. You’re worth better.

Tell him to move out and see what he can rent fot £500 a month.

He's not her husband but a partner 🤷‍♀️ if you want the benefits of marriage, you should get married.