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Original poster

Should I pay for everything?

121 replies

ainew201 · 29/03/2025 20:49

I make about 3500 a month benefits and wages together, I pay 600 in childcare. Pay most bills , my partner gives me 500 a month , he says he shouldn't have to pay for kids clothes which is only for Xmas easter etc ,he thinks I should pay for it as I earn more he goes as far to say he shouldn't have to even pay 500 a month for help towards food rent and other essentials, I pay for kids activity's broadband, myself and sons mobile phone. Childcare , and food gas electric also , am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at this he earns around 2000 a month but because I get more money I should pay for all of it , I just want to no if this is a reasonable request on his part

OP posts:
Fraudornot · 29/03/2025 21:43

Isn’t that a huge monthly income?

Coconutter24 · 29/03/2025 21:43

After giving you £500 he’s left with £1500 to himself, you get £3500… what are you left with after rent and bills?

Gettingbysomehow · 29/03/2025 21:45

Why are women still putting up with this absolute shit.

MoreChocPls · 29/03/2025 21:46

He’s a feeeloading cf.youre being a mug.

DebOnDating · 29/03/2025 21:46

If you split from him and he had to pay child support you would at least get some help and you would get a break when he took his kids for visitation. Consult an attorney or a legal aide and explain the situation to find out how much he would have to pay minimum. Plus he'd be paying for his own food, power, housing, etc. on top of that. All by himself. Throw that down in front of his face so he can get a reality check. Do not say anything just do it and surprise him!

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 29/03/2025 21:48

Gettingbysomehow · 29/03/2025 21:45

Why are women still putting up with this absolute shit.

I think this every time i read threads like this.

TwistedWonder · 29/03/2025 21:51

Gettingbysomehow · 29/03/2025 21:45

Why are women still putting up with this absolute shit.

Because unfortunately too many women still think having any old scum bag bloke is better than being single and therefore their bar is so low it’s subterranean.

Not sure why any grown adult thinks they can live for free and also not contribute to their children’s upbringing - or why a woman has so little self respect she allows it.

Bestfootforward11 · 29/03/2025 21:55

Good grief, he pays £500 a month?? That’s his contribution for himself as a grown man and the kids, 2 of whom are his own? I’m sorry but that is pretty poor. He should be embarrassed that he’s arguing that he shouldn’t even pay that. If he lived alone he’d be paying way more than that. I really don’t think you should putting up with this. He’s more than being unreasonable, he’s being utterly absurd.

Original poster
ainew201 · 29/03/2025 21:58

Fraudornot · 29/03/2025 21:43

Isn’t that a huge monthly income?

Yes it is , that's not the question , but to clarify , I have a disabled son , I work full time and also have another job ( self employed ) also , I get a good salary from my full time job , and a good amount from self employment , I pay all my taxes. The only benefits I receive is dla for my child , a few people have spoke about this so I want to make myself clear. So please stop with the judgement , I have worked very hard to get to where I am. I'm very thank full to receive this monthly income. But I just wanted someone else's point of view with the position I'm currently in.

OP posts:
iseenyouwithkefir · 29/03/2025 22:06

You each pay for yourselves.

He pays half and you pay half for each of your shared children.

You pay for your child from a previous relationship, but do everything you can to recoup half of that cost via child maint from the dad, or via reduced expenses because that child spends roughly equal time living with their dad.

So, roughly 60% you (some of which may be reimbursed via DC1's dad) and 40% Partner. If you make significantly more than your partner, then you might offer to pay extra, but he should not assume that you will.

NettleTea · 29/03/2025 22:07

I dont think anyone is judging you about your income.
The DLA money needs to be removed from any discussion about your and your partners incomes, as that is THEIR money (or specifically for them)
put it like this - does he believe that your disabled child should be subsidising his grown ass life?
I assume not. If he does then he needs to GTF just for that alone.

so lets assume your incomes are now £3k and £2K

You say rent, so its not as if you own the home and you are paying a motgage.

So he should be contributing approx 2/5th of the costs, and you 3/5ths

or you could say 1/3rd if you want to account that your eldest son isnt his, although the nursery fees alone should probably level that up.

he is taking you for an absolute mug.

I would get a spreadsheet of all the bills and work out what his share should be. Offer him to pay it, by setting up a standing order, or offer him to move out, pay CM, plus every last bit of his own rent and bills somewhere else, as well as needing to be responsible for childcare (and childcare fees) on 'his' days

Original poster
ainew201 · 29/03/2025 22:10

iseenyouwithkefir · 29/03/2025 22:06

You each pay for yourselves.

He pays half and you pay half for each of your shared children.

You pay for your child from a previous relationship, but do everything you can to recoup half of that cost via child maint from the dad, or via reduced expenses because that child spends roughly equal time living with their dad.

So, roughly 60% you (some of which may be reimbursed via DC1's dad) and 40% Partner. If you make significantly more than your partner, then you might offer to pay extra, but he should not assume that you will.

I pay child care. All my older child's stuff. Pay broadband kids activities, school fees , everything , he says the 500 should pay half of the food electric and gas and I pay everything else , my sons dad does pay CM that's included in the 3500 a month , I be very generous with money , I put my sons dla aside only when it's needed (,new bed , other stuff needed for his disability)

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 29/03/2025 22:11

How are you claiming benefits with a household income of £5.5k a month. Do you mean child benefit. But your DP sounds awful.

outerspacepotato · 29/03/2025 22:12

Cheap POS.

Original poster
ainew201 · 29/03/2025 22:13

Viviennemary · 29/03/2025 22:11

How are you claiming benefits with a household income of £5.5k a month. Do you mean child benefit. But your DP sounds awful.

Please read post above

OP posts:
Original poster
ainew201 · 29/03/2025 22:13

Pos?

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 29/03/2025 22:21

ainew201 · 29/03/2025 22:13

Pos?

Piece of shit.

Unijourney · 29/03/2025 22:21

Where else could he live for £500 p/m?

He has to pay rent, council tax, utilities, food.

Do you each have a car?

Zonder · 29/03/2025 22:26

If you really want to stay with him you could work out what his share of the household costs are and add on what the CMS would expect him to pay in CM for his children.

Original poster
ainew201 · 29/03/2025 22:27

Unijourney · 29/03/2025 22:21

Where else could he live for £500 p/m?

He has to pay rent, council tax, utilities, food.

Do you each have a car?

My point exactly , yes we both have cars , we both pay our own

OP posts:
CanOfMangoTango · 29/03/2025 22:30

He's taking money from your children.

No good dad does that.

Out of interest, what does he spend his £1500 a month on after bills? Stuff for himself, I'm assuming and not family savings.

Original poster
ainew201 · 29/03/2025 22:32
  • I'm not wanting more than 500 pounds , I'm ok with receiving that , as I can support the family with my own income , but it's the fact he says he shouldn't have to pay for other expenses, when I am paying for the majority, I just want to know if I'm asking for to much or is he just a massive manipulator!!
OP posts:
Original poster
ainew201 · 29/03/2025 22:34

CanOfMangoTango · 29/03/2025 22:30

He's taking money from your children.

No good dad does that.

Out of interest, what does he spend his £1500 a month on after bills? Stuff for himself, I'm assuming and not family savings.

After paying his car phone and a small bank loan he would still have around 1100 , yes I would have income left over aswell , I'm not saying I'm struggling, I'm not looking more money of him , but he thinks I should pay for everything else ?

OP posts:
suburberphobe · 29/03/2025 22:40

He lives with me full time and father of my kids

He's a user and a freeloader. Get rid.

MoominMai · 29/03/2025 22:45

Your partner is the father to two of your three children and as such should be paying towards all their activities as well as all the joint bills. I think he is very definitely manipulating you by saying he earns less and so should therefore pay less. If he literally had no money left after say contributing to the food, gas and electric then of course he physically couldn’t contribute further. However, that is not the case and he has income left over which he should be contributing alongside your own. I mean the way things currently are, there is no incentive for him to better his situation either. He’s probably thinking he’s onto a good thing right now because by playing the lower earner card, he manages to essentially gatekeep approx. 75% of his earnings whilst you plough all of yours in thereby I imagine leaving you potentially with less than him. It’s not right in my eyes.