Should I pay for everything?

[ainew201]

I make about 3500 a month benefits and wages together, I pay 600 in childcare. Pay most bills , my partner gives me 500 a month , he says he shouldn't have to pay for kids clothes which is only for Xmas easter etc ,he thinks I should pay for it as I earn more he goes as far to say he shouldn't have to even pay 500 a month for help towards food rent and other essentials, I pay for kids activity's broadband, myself and sons mobile phone. Childcare , and food gas electric also , am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at this he earns around 2000 a month but because I get more money I should pay for all of it , I just want to no if this is a reasonable request on his part

Are you claiming benefits as a single parent? How are you getting 3.5k in benefits while your partner and children’s dad also earns 2k?

I have a disabled child , so I get a benefit from him , but I do have a good paid job also

My first thought also. Makes me wonder if op is being goady with the first post (or if it’s genuine).

Edit to say just saw update, but still surprised.

This.

How much are the household bills ? Given you are one family do you not just pool all the money together ?
There's a big difference by you saying it's your money but not sharing the benefit money

I get a salary , I didn't say that was all benefit , I get dla for my sons and have a salary

Of course you shouldn’t pay for everything. The man has a roof over his head, food to eat and his DC looked after and he needs to contribute financially towards that. It sounds like he treats your eldest as his, so you are all one unit.

From your numbers, your DP is bringing in 36% of the household income and you are bringing in 64%. I’d work out the monthly bills, then you each contribute into the pot in that proportion. This should leave you both with enough personal spending money and reduce resentment.

My goodness, it would cost him lots and lots more if he lived on his own elsewhere ! rent / gas / elec / water / council tax / contents insurance / food etc etc
and even more if he had the 2 children 50/50 i.e. every other week..

you only buy your children clothes at Christmas and Easter ?

I can almost understand him not contributing to your eldest son's expenses but he has to remember and realise he is the father to 2 children...

Who actually owns the home you live in

I notice you use the word partner - not husband ?

@ainew201the benefit you receive for your disabled dc should be disregarded in any discussions about money you have with your partner. As you say that benefit is for your dc (I’m not asking for any details or amounts of course just that your partner isn’t viewing it as your money or general family money)

*3500 from wages and benefits and his 2k? So after tax income of 5.5k a month?
The 11yo is the one with the mobile?

Yes

Tell him move out.
What an utter loser.

Everyone who lives in the house should contribute towards the living expenses (obviously just the adults). He earns 2/3 of what you earn, so he should contribute 2/3 of what you pay. Easy! Just do the maths.

DLA and PIP are not means tested and OP’s household could be claiming either/both of these to contribute to the 5.5K.

Your sons dla should not be included in your calculations. It is not house money to cover bills. Approximately £500 of the income is your son’s money. As a family you have approximately 5k per month income. He is getting £1500 after his contribution is paid what is he spending this money bin & how much do you have left after bills are paid?

Wow £500 for food, rent and essentials and he gets to keep £1,500 a month for himself - he is very very cheeky! I imagine with 3 kids, rent, bills, food and clothes that you are left with nothing or less to nothing for yourself. What does he spend his money on? He honestly doesn’t sound like a keeper, particularly if he doesn’t see why his own children’s clothes and expenses are his issue.

What I would do (aside from dumping him) would be to write a list of all regular expenses for a month - rent, bills, food, travel, activities etc… then write down the ones that are occasional like Christmas, easter, books, clothes etc… work out an average spend for a month and add on 10-20% buffer to build a fund for extraordinary expenses then add money to a dedicated household account (either in both names or your name) based as a percentage of your earnings. So for instance if you were adding £2100 he would add £1200 or if you were adding £2,800 he would add £1600 (ie for every £35 you pay in he pays in £20). Then anything to do with your own hobbies, clothes, trips, socialising etc… comes from your own left over fun money. Though as some people have said it would probably be better not to include your son’s dla money in the calculations and keep his separate.

Financial abuse.
Absent father.
Cocklodger.
Get rid.

Yes this is exactly how we do it. Personally don’t think 50:50 is fair, but paying nothing is ludicrous. He should contribute 2/3 of what you do.

Oh my god, get rid OP. It's a no brainer. He's a freeloading twat of a man.

Even if he were to "agree" to start paying his fair share now, it would be too late for me. He's shown you loud and clear who he is - if he can get away with being a cocklodging waste of space forevermore then he absolutely will.

I'd want to fill my vagina up with cement if I had to live with a man like this.

Why does he think he should get to keep all his money while you pay for everything?

An adult can't survive on £500 a month, he's paying a pittence to have a home, food, company, if he left you would be up £500 a month easily

Get rid of the fucking cocklodger.

Whats you home Situation? Did you own the home before be moved in? Did you buy together? How much of the household tasks does he do? Would your life be easier ir more difficult if he moved out?

What is the point of him? Does he do more around the house? Or childcare?

By my maths, financially you are def going to no worse off without him and probably in fact, you'll be better off with out him.

He'd need to give you approx 20% of salary as child support.
On £2k thats £400pm and i imagine the food he eats and the energy he uses must surely come to £100....in reality i imagine its more like £200.

basically, if £500 is his best and final I'd be telling him he can move out.